problematic sexual behavior - Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings

Overthinking and Porn Use: How Gender Shapes a Vicious Cycle

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 12:00:00 +0000

The Hidden Dialogue Between Our Minds and Our Habits

The scale of online pornography consumption is immense. In 2023, two of the largest pornography websites, Xvideos and XNXX, had more total visits than TikTok, one of the world’s most popular social media platforms. But beyond the sheer numbers, what is the internal experience of this habit? What is the relationship between porn use and how we think about our lives, our feelings, and ourselves?

New research reveals a surprisingly complex, two-way relationship between what scientists call problematic pornography use (PPU) and “rumination,” or the act of overthinking.

This groundbreaking study shows not only that the behavior can influence our thought patterns, but also that our specific style of thinking can, in turn, either escalate the problem or potentially help us escape it.

Crucially, this connection works very differently for men and women.

First, a Quick Primer: What Are “Problematic Use” and “Rumination”?

Before diving into the findings, let’s clarify the two key concepts. We’re not judging habits, but trying to understanding specific psychological patterns.

What is Problematic Pornography Use (PPU)?

PPU is not defined by how often someone watches pornography. Instead, it is characterized by a loss of control.

The official definition describes it as “poorly controlled, excessive, and/or compulsive engagement in pornography use, accompanied by significant distress and impairments in life,” such as losing a job or damaging relationships.

What is Rumination?

Simply put, rumination is the act of continuously focusing on one’s own negative thoughts and feelings.

However, not all rumination is the same.

Researchers have found that it comes in two distinct flavors: Brooding and Reflection.

Understanding this difference is essential to making sense of the study’s findings.

As professionals, our time is valuable. Dr. Weeks created the Mitigation Aide Research Archive because there isn’t enough focused, data-backed research available in easily digestible formats.

Takeaway 1: Problematic Porn Use Fuels Overthinking But Differently for Men and Women

The study, which followed 2,786 adults over one year, initially found that higher levels of PPU predicted more ruminative thinking (both brooding and reflection) a year later for everyone. This supports the “stress-reactive model,” suggesting the stress, guilt, or life problems from PPU can trigger more repetitive thinking.

However, the researchers dug deeper and uncovered a crucial distinction.

For men, the link was robust: the problematic nature of their use, the loss of control and distress, was a strong predictor of increased rumination down the line, regardless of how frequently they viewed porn.

For women, the story was different.

When researchers statistically controlled for the sheer frequency of pornography use, the link between PPU and later rumination weakened or disappeared entirely.

This suggests that for women, it may be the high frequency of viewing itself, rather than the “problematic” aspect, that is more closely tied to an increase in later overthinking.

Takeaway 2: For Women, Brooding Can Create a Vicious Cycle

When researchers looked at how thinking patterns affected behavior over time, a key gender difference emerged. For women, a specific type of rumination, brooding, was linked to an increase in problematic use down the line. The study found that higher levels of brooding at the start were associated with higher levels of PPU one year later.

Brooding is generally regarded as a more maladaptive form of rumination, which is defined as:

Adopting a passive and introspective demeanor that evaluates current circumstances against an unrealized, idealized standard, accompanied by a sense of regret and dissatisfaction.

This passive, self-critical style is captured in the very questions researchers used to measure it. Such as:

“Why do I always react this way?”
“Why can’t I handle things better?“

According to the cognitive-behavioral model, this style of thinking can exacerbate negative emotions like anxiety and stress. Women may then engage in the problematic behavior to cope with these painful feelings. Thus, creating a dangerous feedback loop where the thinking pattern fuels the habit that causes the distress.

Takeaway 3: For Men, Reflective Thinking May Act as a Protective Shield

The most counter-intuitive finding came from the data on men. For them, a different type of rumination—reflection—appeared to be a protective factor.

The study revealed that higher levels of reflective thinking at the start were associated with lower levels of PPU a year later. Reflection is seen as a more adaptive and constructive form of thinking. Its scientific definition is:

Reflection, a purposeful and active cognitive process, involves accepting and understanding distress and feelings to engage in effective coping mechanisms.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

Why would this type of overthinking be helpful in relation to Porn Use?

The researchers hypothesize that because men report higher rates of PPU and its negative consequences, they may become more motivated to fix the problem. This motivation could trigger a more problem-solving style of thought.

As the researchers suggest, “men may be motivated to disrupt this pattern and regain control over their problematic behavior… Such a response could potentially be associated with engaging in a more problem-solving-focused type of rumination (i.e., reflective rumination), resulting in reduced PPU.”

Conclusion: It’s Not That You Think, But How You Think

The relationship between porn use and our thought patterns is not simple. This research shows that it is a complex, bidirectional cycle that differs significantly by gender. For both men and women, pornography use can be linked to more negative, repetitive thinking.

But the reverse is where the crucial distinction lies.

For women, a passive, self-critical “brooding” can trap them in a cycle, making the problem worse.

For men, an active, problem-solving “reflection” may be a key to breaking free.

The ultimate takeaway is that when it comes to the link between our thoughts and our habits, it may not be that you think, but how you think that truly matters.

This leaves us with a powerful, forward-looking question: If the way we reflect on our behaviors can either trap us in a cycle or help us break free, what does that mean for our ability to consciously change our habits?

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses? Then you should stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor seeking engaging, unique Continuing Education courses? Dr. Weeks offers accredited courses on her practice website on the effects of Pornography Abstinence and other unique topics!

The post Overthinking and Porn Use: How Gender Shapes a Vicious Cycle first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

A Study on “No Fap” for Women?

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Tue, 18 Mar 2025 13:45:19 +0000

Most often, when we talk about online communities for abstinence from pornography and masturbation, such as No Fap, we are talking about men.

Online forums purporting abstinence, particularly Reddit, are a predominantly male space. So, where do the women go?

While we know men more often report problematic sexual behavior than women, women do still struggle with PSB issues. Where is their safe space? A recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior recently addressed this question.

A No Fap Study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior

The authors analyzed the posts from a women-only online forum called Porn Free Women.

Porn Free Women was developed because most pornography abstinence online spaces are dominated by men and many women did not feel comfortable or accepted participating in them.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Therapeutic, Empowerment and Heteronormative

The analysis of the discussions revealed 16 predominant topics that fell within three themes:

Therapeutic
Empowerment
Heteronormative

Half of the discussions fit the therapeutic theme. Pornography abstinence was discussed as overcoming adversity through healing and transformation. Here pornography was seen as addictive.

Over a quarter of the posts fit into the heteronormative theme. The discussions involved romantic relationships, identity anxiety and ideas of being a “real” woman.

The empowerment theme emphasized female empowerment and agency in building a supportive community to promote well-being.

Many of the women in the forum identified with the philosophy of pornography addiction.

Unlike men, many of these women use their own past sexual victimization to rationalize their entry into pornography addiction.

This study was interesting because it is one of the very few studies that look at a women’s perspective on desired abstinence from pornography. In a field dominated by heteronormative male voices, it is refreshing to see science finally take an interest in the female voices in the arena.

Reference

Zhang, X & Silva, D.E. (2024). “I feel like a fraud who acts like a feminist”: The discussion themes and sexual scripts in the Porn Free Women online forum. Archives of Sexual Behavior. Doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-02858-w

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Are you exploring your trauma? Do you feel your childhood experiences were detrimental to your current mental or physical health? Utilize this free, validated, self-report questionnaire to find out.

Take the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Questionnaire

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Did Compulsive Sexual Behavior get Worse During COVID?

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Mon, 13 May 2024 12:00:00 +0000

The phones rang off the hook during lock downs and our caseloads for Compulsive Sexual Behavior increased. Was it real or did it just feel super busy? Was everyone looking at pornography then?

Those of us who work in the field treating Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB) will anecdotally tell you that during COVID and its associated lock down, PSB was on the rise.

Science is now, four years after the lock downs began, backing up our anecdotal claims.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

The Study on Compulsive Sexual Behavior During COVID Lock Downs

In a study published last year, Gleason and colleagues surveyed over 1000 people. They asked if the respondents pornography use and masturbation changed due to COVID.

Additionally, they also assessed for Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) to see if that had any affect on masturbation and pornography use.

Takeaways From the Study on Compulsive Sexual Behavior

First, myself and my fellow therapists, were not making things up!

Among this sample, masturbation frequency and pornography use increased during the COVID 19 lockdown. Those who screened positive for CSBD had a larger increase in masturbation frequency.

Similarly, those who screened positive for CSBD had a larger increase in pornography use than those who did not screen positive for CSBD.

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But, why?

As this was not an experimental study, no assertions regarding the cause of the increase can be made. However, we can hypothesize.

For example, many people with CSBD use some sort of sexual behavior as a coping mechanism for negative affect (boredom, loneliness, depression, anxiety, etc.) or stress. As this time in life was incredibly stressful for most people, this increase in pornography use and masturbation could have been a means for people to manage those feelings.

While masturbation and pornography use increased for most people in this survey, it seems as though those with CSBD were most influenced by COVID.

Reference: Gleason, N., Conro, K., Banik, S., & Coleman, E. (2023). Compulsive Sexual Behavior and Changes in Solitary Sexual Behaviors During the COVID-19 Pandemic. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 52, 2287-2293.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Did Compulsive Sexual Behavior get Worse During COVID? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

On Getting Kicked Off YouTube

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Fri, 08 Mar 2024 18:21:22 +0000

Some of you who read my work might know I had a little YouTube channel. I posted videos about research updates, webinars about sexual offending, problematic sexual behavior and the podcasts I do. When I say little YouTube channel, I mean little. It had 261 subscribers and a decent number of views, but it wasn’t popular due to its niche content. Friday morning, I woke up to find out I’d been kicked off YouTube. They sent an unceremonious email saying they were deleting my channel because it was “Violating their policies.”

What policies you might ask? According to YouTube, the content on my channel was violating sexual content policies. In short, I was making adult content.

The irony is both frustrating and amusing. The algorithm, or whatever AI process they use, thought that my content, created to educate about problematic sexual behavior, keep children away from pornography and decrease the risk of sexual abuse is categorized the same as me making actual pornography.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

I am fairly sure I know which video got me banned.

I posted a short video about adult-themed video games. Things got squirrelly after that. I tried educating parents and others about their existence and for what to look out for.

Banning me from YouTube makes no difference to my business. It does make me ask a simple question:

If my content, functioning hopefully to decrease sexual abuse and sexual addiction, gets kicked off YouTube, as is many of my colleagues, where are we to do prevention work?

Kicked Off YouTube, For Educating People

Social media of any kind is the place to get the word out about anything. If prevention content that includes the words pornography, sexual abuse, or pedophilia is routinely banned, where, exactly, is the right place to do this work?

It makes logical sense to be doing this work on the platforms where teenagers are routinely being sent unsolicited penis pictures. It makes sense to do this work on the number one site that people go to for information, YouTube.

Learn why it’s important for everyone, especially teens, to be able to control their online experiences. Dick Pic Culture: How do Teenage Girls Navigate it?

Forgive my frustration.

Sometimes it feels as though the only place we can speak freely about these issues, CSAM, child sexual abuse, abuse prevention, is in our professional forums or conferences. While it’s nice for us to be able to share with colleagues, it’s a bit of an echo chamber. We already know what is going on. We are not the people who need to hear the messages.

As a result of my YouTube ban, we will be posting the videos on this site in the hopes of continuing the prevention effort.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

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Pornographic Video Games and Sexuality

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Tue, 16 Jan 2024 13:00:00 +0000

Last Monday, I received screenshots of a game my client was playing, but it wasn’t a traditional game. He indulged in the ever-expanding genre of pornographic video games.

Some of you who read my blog regularly may know, a person on federal supervised release for an internet crime of a sexual nature must have monitoring software on their devices.

The software blocks you from sites based on probation regulations and takes screenshots of what they’re doing. When one of my clients looks at questionable things, their probation officer will contact me and send me screenshots of the content.

I’m Not Going to Moralize About Pornographic Video Games

Nor will I discuss whether or not this is an appropriate expression of sexuality for people whom partnered sex is not an option. This is just a, “Hey it’s out there if you didn’t know about it,” post.

Adult video gaming is legal and the people playing them are making a conscious choice to do so.

So why does it matter? In my work, it matters for a few reasons.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Pornographic Video Games and

Adolescents

We all know that most kids today game. It is super common and can be as much of a lifestyle as a hobby to kill some time. Games have come a long way from the Frogger of my youth.

Adult video games can be problematic for youth the same as pornography.

Physical and emotional development of teens does not happen along the same trajectory. Bodies might find these games exciting, but minds don’t always know how to process what goes on.

In most pornographic video games, as in pornography, there is not a discussion of consent, boundaries, or anything else. And the themes or topics are similar to pornography.

I braved a google search and adult video games are promoting themes like anal sex with your stepsister and sex with your stepmom the same as live pornography is.

Not the best themes for a growing mind to be masturbating to.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

Individuals with Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB)

Pornographic video games can fall into a grey area for those with pornography addictions or PSB.

They are not pornography, as many will define it in terms of live humans, but it still falls into the category of sex acts or simulated sex acts.

Using adult video games may be a gray area that a person struggling with pornography addiction can use as a means to act out while thinking they are not violating their bottom-line behaviors.

Individuals on Supervised Release

Playing these games could be a violation of the stipulations of supervision for individuals on probation, parole, or federal supervised release for crimes of a sexual nature.

Many of these probation stipulations prohibit viewing pornography. I’ve found most probation/parole officers consider adult video games to be pornography.

Playing pornographic video games and not disclosing it could cause problems with supervision and result in a freedom-losing violation.

See the latest research on criminality related to social media:

Social Anxiety and Loneliness in Online Solicitation Offenders

See more articles related to social media

What’s the Lesson About Pornographic Video Games?

For me, it was to be more specific. My client had permission to play video games. We had worked on that, and it was approved by treatment and probation. Clearly, I needed to be more specific about what types of video games were okay to play.

I needed to have more conversations about exactly what was okay to do and what was not.

Again, not here to have a philosophical discussion about adult sex games. I want to help our guys stay compliant with their conditions.

What’s the Lesson for Non-Supervised Folks?

Particularly if you are a parent of a gaming adolescent, you need to know what games your child is playing.

Be involved in their lives. Ask about their gaming. Ask if they have seen or played these games. Talk about it.

If your child is a gamer and young, learn how to block those sites or games from their gaming device.

Ultimately, the lesson is to be aware.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Pornographic Video Games and Sexuality first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

What Happens When You Stop Watching Pornography for a Week?

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Fri, 03 Nov 2023 12:00:00 +0000

One of the go to suggestions for pornography addiction treatment is an abstinence period. A period of time free from all sexual behavior or to stop watching pornography.

The average duration is 30 days free of any type of sexual behavior, including:

Pornography
Masturbation
Sexual intercourse

This is to allegedly “reset” the brain and dopamine pathways from a biological perspective.

It can also be a great way for couples to reconnect. It allows them to work on emotional intimacy and non-sexual physical intimacy.

Finally: A Study on Those Who Stop Watching Pornography

Despite this being a rather commonly “’prescribed” treatment plan, there is actually very little research on whether this is a scientifically sound practice.

Additionally, one of the markers of addiction is the experience of withdrawal. Many who argue against sexual addiction being a real phenomenon will say that there is no such thing as withdrawal from pornography use despite anecdotal evidence from those who abstain.

Some previous studies have noted that people who attempt abstinence from pornography experience withdrawal symptoms such as erotic dreams, irritability, attention disturbances, depression, mood swings and brain fog.

While these could be attributed to withdrawal from pornography, the authors of the study we are currently discussing state that these negative emotional effects could be the result of simply abstinence from sexual behavior and not necessarily withdrawal.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

The Study: Background

This study, published this year in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, was a randomized controlled study that looked at the effects of abstaining from pornography for a period of 7 days.

The authors hypothesized that there would be differences between the abstaining group and the control group on the following measures: craving, positive affect, negative affect, and withdrawal symptoms. They also hypothesized that there would be an interaction between the group (control or abstaining) and Problematic Pornography Use.

Subjects

Psychology Undergraduate students at a university in Malaysia.

The authors do note that Malaysia is a conservative country when it comes to sex and pornography that does have laws that restrict pornography use.

The participants had to meet several criteria:

They had to be at least 18 year old.
They had to be regular pornography users.

176 students made the cut with 86 in the abstinence group and 90 in the control group.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

The Task

The control group was asked to continue engaging in their sexual behavior as normal.

The abstinence group was asked to stop watching pornography. But they weren’t required to abstain from masturbation or partnered sexual activity.

The Measures

All subjects were asked to note, on a daily basis, the following things:

Frequency and/or duration of any sexual behavior, measured daily
Pornography use, daily frequency
Duration of daily pornography use
Masturbation without pornography, daily frequency
Alternative sexual activity, daily frequency
Efforts at abstaining from pornography, daily
Pornography craving, measured daily
Daily positive and negative affects
Withdrawal symptoms, experienced daily

Creating a Baseline to Stop Watching Pornography

Prior to the start of the study, the authors assessed the following baseline measures:

Previous 4-week frequency of pornography use
Past 4-week average duration of pornography use per session
4-week frequency of masturbation without pornography prior to the study
Prior 4-week percentage of pornography use that was accompanied by masturbation
Previous 7-day frequency of pornography use
Past 7-day duration of pornography use
Baseline abstinence effort
Craving for pornography
Baseline positive and negative affect
Problematic Pornography Use
Intrinsic desire to quit or reduce pornography use
Moral disapproval of pornography

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The Results of the Study to Stop Watching Pornography

There were no significant differences between the abstinence and control group on measures of craving, positive affect, or withdrawal symptoms. There was also no significant interaction between the group and Problematic Pornography Use.

Problematic Pornography Use and Gender

There were significant differences in the results based on gender.

Male subjects had significantly higher problematic pornography use and 4-week frequency of pornography use than female subjects.

The study also looked at the data based on Problematic Pornography Use (PPU) Scores.

When the PPU scores were low, there were no differences between the groups but when the PPU scores were high, there were significant differences on the experience of craving.

Study Conclusions

The hypotheses of the study were not confirmed. There were no significant main effects of the group on all measures.

This is in contrast to previous studies that used self-report measures where subjects reported experiencing withdrawal symptoms. The authors do note that their study used nonclinical samples and the previous studies had subjects who identified with PPU.

The study found no evidence of negative abstinence effects among pornography users who viewed pornography at least three times per week. The authors then suggest that for the average pornography user there is no withdrawal when engaging in a 7-day abstinence period.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

Limitations

The fact that the study used a non-clinical sample means that the results might not be generalizable to people with Compulsive Sexual Behavior who try to achieve abstinence.

This study also contained more female subjects that other studies that have looked at this phenomenon.

From a clinical perspective, as someone who treats Problematic Sexual Behavior, these types of studies are helpful.

In this field there are some therapeutic interventions that seem like gospel despite not having a large amount of scientific evidence to back them up as a best practice.

It is exciting to see abstinence and withdrawal being studied so we can determine, in the future, if a 90-day abstinence period is actually an evidence based best practice.

Reference: Fernandez, D.P., Kuss, D.J., Justice, L.V., Fernandez, E.F. & Griffiths, M.D. (2023). Archives of Sexual Behavior. Doi.org/10.1007/s10508-022-02519-w

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post What Happens When You Stop Watching Pornography for a Week? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

What is Accidentally Brave all about?

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Mon, 01 May 2023 18:08:34 +0000

Photo Copyright Jeremy Daniel (Instagram)

I am currently at the IITAP symposium which is the annual gathering of CSAT therapists. The conference ended with the first ever showing of the movie version of Accidentally Brave.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

During the symposium, we gather for three days of continuing education focused on problematic sexual behavior.

This is the first in-person gathering since the COVID-19 pandemic forced conferences to go virtual.

Full disclosure, I normally bail on move showings, but today I stayed.

I stayed because when this play was showing in New York, I was unable to get tickets. The show had a limited run and by the time I had heard about it, it was too late to get tickets to see it live.

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What is Accidentally Brave and why am I talking about it?

In 2015, Maddie Corman’s husband, a well-known television director, was arrested for the possession of child sexual abuse material. He was ultimately convicted and placed on probation and the sex offender registry.

To use Maddie’s words, “I am not going into that as it is his story to tell and Accidentally Brave is about Maddie.”

She created this play, which shares her story, as an act of service to others who have been through or are going through something similar.

The movie stays with Maddie’s experience from the moment the police arrive at her house until after sentencing. She focuses on her own story allowing her husband and children the freedom to express themselves independently.

I am in no way a movie or art critic, so it is not in my wheelhouse to talk about things like acting or production. When I watch something like this, I do so through the lens of “is this something that would be useful to my clients.”

Does this film mimic reality?

Maddie’s story, like so many of the partners of my clients, is raw, difficult, and full of many emotional roller coaster moments. Watching this, it truly felt like an authentic portrayal of the experiences of many partners of sex addicts and people who commit sex crimes.

The scene that really hit home for me involved her buying Halloween decorations. At that moment she realized it was the last time she would be able to decorate or have trick or treaters to her home due to her husband’s sex offender status.

It was all too reminiscent of conversations we have with clients in the fall. These thoughts don’t occur to people unless they’re in this situation.

Struggling with excessive sexual thoughts, urges, or activities that are causing you distress? Take the free, online Sexual Symptom Assessment Scale (SSAS) and get a link to share with your therapist.

Who would find this useful?

I left the movie wondering who might find this film more useful: my clients or their partners?

As an exercise in victim empathy, the show is about as raw and real as it gets.

It is often easier to hear the pain when it is not directly coming from the person we have hurt.

For partners, I can imagine that watching this would be partly excruciating. It would be akin to reliving that experience. I can also imagine how validating it could be to hear this story. These partners tend to hold the family secret more tightly than partners of non-offending sex addicts.

Either way, I am hopeful that the movie will become available so that it can be used for therapeutic purposes.

Until then, it appears as though an audio version is available. I have not listened to this but assume it is a sound recording of the play. While it will likely still be super powerful, watching the movie would be more so as you get the body language to go along with the emotions.

Thank you to Maddie Corman for sharing her story in such a vulnerable and raw way.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post What is Accidentally Brave all about? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Let’s Talk About Sex Dolls

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Mon, 18 Jul 2022 17:51:03 +0000

For me, the concept of sex dolls is fascinating and when my web guy told me that some people were searching for more information about it, I jumped at the chance to write about them again.

The first thing to do when talking about sex dolls is to forget that image of the plastic blow up doll with a permanently gaping mouth. Today’s sex dolls are high tech, sometimes robotic, really life like and nothing like what most people imagine.

Let’s talk about some of the controversies.

Child Sex Dolls and Sex Offenders

This one is a hot button issue with some people falling in either camp. Child sex dolls are manufactured outside of the United States and they are extremely realistic looking. This is pretty uncomfortable for a lot of people.

The two sides of the argument are as follows.

For individuals who have an exclusive attraction to prepubescent children, child sex dolls might be a way for them to have some sense of sexuality without harming children.

The other side of this camp thinks that allowing people who are attracted to children to have child sex dolls will actually increase their risk of harming a live child.

The trouble is, there is hardly any research on the topic to help people make an informed opinion.

For more thoughts on the topic, check out Prostasia Foundation’s blog on the topic.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

Sex Dolls and Adults

If we are talking about adult sex dolls, we can avoid the controversy that comes with child sex dolls, but you still get the stigma.

There are many reasons why someone might want a sex doll.

Perhaps they have difficulty meeting people, forming relationships, or hooking up with others for sex.

Perhaps they have a trauma history that makes sex with another person something they can’t engage in.

Or maybe, they just want to.

Interested in more information about sex dolls and their owners? Here’s all of our posts about them:

There is even a sex doll rental company in Houston, Texas that has lawmakers up in arms. They have tried to block it but, to the best of my knowledge, it is still up and running.

In the sex therapy community, the use of sex dolls does not carry the same stigma that it might in other circles. Fundamentally, an adult who wants to have an adult sex doll should be able to do so without worry about what other people think.

However, some people worry that using a sex doll or a sex robot as a replacement for human interaction could be harmful.

Check out some other’s thoughts on the topic here:

Using Love Dolls As a Substitute for Human Intimacy (Psychology Today)
Sex Bot use ‘unrelated to healthcare’ (Medical News Today)

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Answering Your Questions

Some of the google searches related to sex dolls that have landed people on my website have questioned whether or not sex doll use is addictive.

I will take this moment to remind people that when it comes to sex addiction or problematic sexual behavior issues, it is often not the behavior that is problematic but the person’s relationship to the behavior.

A sex doll is a sex doll. If you are questioning whether your use of the sex doll is an addiction, the better questions relate to your relationship with the doll.

Is it something that you cannot stop doing?

Is engaging with the sex doll interfering with your life, work or other relationships?

If your interactions with the doll do not meet the ICD-11 diagnostic criteria for Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder, the problem may be an issue of moral incongruence instead of addiction or problematic sexual behavior.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Let’s Talk About Sex Dolls first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Book Review: The 5 Apology Languages

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Thu, 23 Jun 2022 16:08:17 +0000

The 5 Apology Languages on Amazon

I have long been a fan of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages book. I have suggested the book to client’s countless times. When I saw that he and Jennifer Thomas had written The 5 Apology Languages, I was eager to read it and see if it might be just as helpful to clients as 5 Love Languages.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

The concepts of apology, forgiveness and amends are constantly being talked about in the walls of our offices.

Whether our clients have engaged in problematic sexual behavior or committed a sexual offense, these behaviors always come with collateral damage. Spouses, partners, wives, families, children, and even co-workers or employers can all become primary or secondary victims to Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB).

We talk a lot about making amends, rebuilding trust and the struggle that partner’s often having to forgive the person with PSB and to move through their betrayal trauma.

My Review

Let me start out by saying that I love this little book.

After I read it the other day, I wanted to buy it in bulk and give it to most of our clients! I think it can be truly very helpful in healing relationships.

“Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision. It is the decision to continue to grow in the relationship by removing the barrier.”

Let’s first recap the 5 Languages of Love. For those who have not read the work, the love languages are:

Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
Gift Giving
Quality Time

We all have a language (or two) that we express our love it and that we feel loved by.

The same is true for apologies.

The 5 Apology Languages

Expressing Regret
Accepting Responsibility
Making Restitution
Planned Change
Requesting Forgiveness

Gary Chapman, Author

Someone whose apology language is expressing regret needs to hear the person who hurt them say that they are very sorry, and they regret their actions.

The apology language of accepting responsibility requires that the person who did the wrong actually say that they were wrong and take responsibility for the hurt or harm they caused.

Making restitution requires that the person who committed the hurt ask how they can make the hurt right. What can they do to make up for it?

The language of planned change requires that the person who committed the hurt acknowledge their wrong and also provide a plan for how they are either going to change their behavior or work to not commit the wrong again.

The final language, requesting forgiveness, requires that the person who did the hurting actually ask if the person they hurt can forgive them. The hurt person requires that request. Obviously, we can all have more than one apology language and the best apologies actually combine a number of the languages at the same time.

Another lovely addition to this book is that there are several chapters on forgiveness. Both about choosing to accept forgiveness if someone hurt you and also a chapter on forgiving yourself.

The authors state that forgiveness is a choice. It is defined as “a response to an injustice (a moral wrong).” One of my favorite lines in the book about forgiveness is “Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision. It is the decision to continue to grow in the relationship by removing the barrier.”

Conclusions

After reading this little book, I could not help thinking about how many of the struggles that we hear about in relationships in recovery come from partners not talking each other’s apology language. I often hear from individuals with PSB that they have said they are sorry a million times and they don’t know what else they can do, and they do not understand why their partner continues to express anger and continue to bring up the indiscretions.

Perhaps the answer is that they do not know their partner’s apology language and their heartfelt attempts to apologize and ask for forgiveness have not actually been the type of apology their partner needed to hear.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Book Review: The 5 Apology Languages first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

What is Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder?

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Thu, 12 May 2022 12:00:00 +0000

After years in this field, those of us who treat problematic or compulsive sexual behavior still hear from colleagues that they do not believe that sex addiction is real.

Worse yet, those of us who treat it have been accused of simply being in it for the money. I have a good laugh at that one.

However, one of the arguments that some opposed to the concept of sexual addiction make is that a loose diagnosis of the problem can be confounded by religious or personal beliefs.

Moral Incongruence

This has spurred some great research by Perry, Grubbs and others about moral incongruence, whose basic premise is that some people’s distress over their sexual behavior, which they often label pornography addiction, is caused by them sexually acting in a manner that is against either their religious or personal values. Many of these individuals seek treatment for their self-diagnosed addiction.

Enter, the World Health Organization

Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) is not a name or diagnosis that has made its way into the internet lexicon like sex addiction or pornography addiction. It is, however, the World Health Organization’s recently (2019) approved diagnosis in the International Classification of Diseases-11 (ICD-11) relating to what is commonly referred to as sexual addiction. Reporting on the new system went into effect January 1 of this year.

As a side note, the DSM-V does not recognize sexual addiction or pornography addiction as a valid mental health disorder.

From Reed et al, 2022

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Removing Ambiguity about Compulsive Sexual Behavior

One of the most exciting things about the diagnostic criteria for CSBD is that it removes the confound of moral incongruence from the diagnostic picture. The diagnostic criteria specifically states that any distress that is: “entirely related to moral judgments and disapproval about sexual impulses, urges, or behaviors is not sufficient to meet the requirement of marked distress. If one looks closely, the diagnostic criteria are strictly behavioral, removing the feelings of the actor or any family member of the actor from the picture.”

Why does this make a difference?

Well, for several reasons:

This is global recognition that CSBD is a real and valid issue that many people struggle with.
It allows for a more nuanced diagnosis that can help clinicians provide treatment best suited for their clients.

The treatment paradigm for someone dealing with sexual behavior with moral incongruence is not necessarily the same treatment plan for someone with CSBD.

Concerned that you may be dealing with CSBD? The CSBD-19 is a validated self-report assessment you can take to help you understand your behavior.

Want to take the CSBD-19 right here in your browser with results you can share with your therapist? We’ve made that available for you for free!

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

The post What is Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.