Food Addiction: The “Addiction” We All Talk About

Many of us have joked about being “addicted” to ice cream or chips, describing an intense craving that feels impossible to resist. This common experience is at the heart of a serious scientific debate: Is Food Addiction (FA) a genuine addiction, similar to substance addiction? 

The conversation has grown more complex as modern definitions of addiction have expanded.

Influential bodies like the American Society of Addiction Medicine no longer require the ingestion of a psychoactive substance for something to be considered an addiction. Similarly, behavioral addictions like gambling disorder are now formally recognized. This has intensified the scientific inquiry into whether addictive-like eating fits the same mold. 

To find answers, a recent longitudinal study looked at the role of emotion regulation, how we handle our feelings, to compare food addiction and substance misuse.

The findings were surprising, revealing critical differences in the emotional pathways that drive these behaviors. This article breaks down the three most impactful takeaways that challenge what we think we know about food addiction.

1. The Counter-Intuitive Role of Positive Emotions in Food Addiction

Takeaway 1: Acting on a Good Mood Predicts Substance Misuse, But Deters Food Addiction.

One of the study’s most unexpected findings relates to “positive urgency.” It’s described as a psychological trait. One defined as the tendency to act impulsively when experiencing strong positive emotions, like feeling overjoyed or extremely happy.

The research, which tracked women over six months, found a striking divergence.

A one-unit increase in a person’s positive urgency score was associated with: 

• A 100% to 200% increase in the odds of future alcohol or drug-related problems. 
• A 50% decrease in the odds of future food addiction. 

Why would feeling good lead to such different outcomes?

The researchers suggest it comes down to the reinforcing power of the substance or behavior.

Individuals high in positive urgency may seek to amplify or extend their good feelings, and psychoactive substances are far more effective at this than food.

The study’s authors explain: Women with greater positive urgency may tend to select psychoactive substances such as alcohol or drugs that can more effectively amplify or prolong their positive feelings, rather than food. Food’s effects are less potent and thus less reinforcing than psychoactive substances. 

This discovery is significant because it highlights a fundamental difference in the emotional triggers for food addiction versus substance misuse.

While a good mood might increase the risk for substance misuse, it appears to have the opposite effect on addictive-like eating.

---

Licensed Professional Counselors, do you need continuing education hours?

Look no further!

If you find this article interesting, Dr. Weeks’ course Sexual Education and Porn Use in Women, and her other unique courses, will engage and educate!

---

2. How We Judge Our Feelings Matter… But Differently

Takeaway 2: Not Accepting Your Negative Emotions Has Opposite Effects on Food Addiction vs. Alcohol-Related Problems

Another key aspect of emotion regulation is the “non-acceptance of one’s negative emotions.”

This is the tendency to have self-critical or judgmental reactions like shame, guilt, or frustration to your own distressing feelings. 

Here again, the study found that this trait was linked to food addiction and alcohol-related problems in opposite ways: 

• Non-acceptance was associated with more severe food addiction symptoms.
• Non-acceptance was associated with less severe alcohol-related problems.

The researchers hypothesize that this difference may be rooted in social stigma.

Women who feel ashamed of their negative emotions might turn to food as a coping mechanism because overeating is often viewed as less stigmatized than alcohol misuse.

The study references other research showing that the label “food addict” is perceived as less shameful than “substance or alcohol addiction.” This suggests that societal norms and the fear of judgment can profoundly shape which coping behaviors we adopt.

3. The Complicated Truth About Negative Moods and Food Addiction

Takeaway 3: The Link Between Bad Moods and Bingeing Isn’t a Simple One

The idea that we eat to soothe bad feelings, often called “emotional eating,” is a popular one. This is related to the concept of “negative urgency,” or the tendency to act impulsively when experiencing strong negative emotions. 

At first glance, the study’s data seemed to support this common belief.

When looking at a single point in time, the researchers found that negative urgency was a common link between both food addiction and substance misuse. 

However, when they analyzed the data over time in a more sophisticated multivariate model, the picture changed dramatically.

After controlling for other emotion-regulation factors, negative urgency was not a significant predictor of future food addiction or substance misuse problems. 

This doesn’t mean bad moods are irrelevant.

Rather, it suggests that negative urgency might be a “fellow traveler.” It’s present alongside the true driver, but not in the driver’s seat itself.

When the researchers statistically controlled for the powerful effect of positive urgency, the predictive signal from negative urgency faded away. This finding challenges the simple narrative that “feeling bad leads to addiction” and reveals that, over the long term, other emotional factors are far more influential.

Conclusion: A Different Kind of Struggle

While food addiction and substance addiction share surface-level similarities like cravings and loss of control, this new research paints a picture of two surprisingly different psychological profiles.

One is characterized by impulsivity in good times, which predicts substance misuse, while the other is marked by self-judgment in bad times, which predicts addictive-like eating.

This challenges the one-size-fits-all model of addiction. 

The study’s overall conclusion is clear: “These findings suggest that FA [Food Addiction] is not associated with the same key deficits in emotion regulation as SA [Substance Addiction].” 

This leaves us with a critical question to consider:

If the emotional drivers for food addiction and substance addiction are so different, does this mean we need to rethink how we talk about, prevent, and treat addictive-like eating? 

---

Are you exploring your trauma? Do you feel your childhood experiences were detrimental to your current mental or physical health? Utilize this free, validated, self-report questionnaire to find out.

Take the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Questionnaire

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Is Food Addiction Real? Just in Time for Thanksgiving! first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Maybe you’ve noticed that Google removed the popular “accountability” apps Covenant Eyes and Accountable2You from its Play store last week.

Maybe you haven’t, and that’s probably for the best.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

What are accountability apps?

These apps can filter undesirable content, such as pornography, and “other questionable material” from devices. More than just filtering, though, they offer to allow someone to be your accountability partner. They can send either immediate alerts or a digest of activity.

Having someone else hold you accountable in your efforts to be productive or curb a compulsive behavior sounds great, right?

Absolutely! If it’s done willingly.

Why were they removed?

And why is this article about Covenant Eyes on a blog about mental health?

During an investigation by Dhruv Mehrotra for Wired, it was discovered that the Android versions of these two apps used the accessibility features of Android devices. Accessibility features are intended to help those with hearing or vision impairments. Unfortunately, these apps used these features to monitor and report all device usage, even innocuous behavior.

That wouldn’t be an issue if your accountability partner is someone you have selected and trust, but therein lies the problem.

Covenant Eyes and Accountable2You have large outreach projects dedicated to getting churches to use the apps. In other words, to assist the churches in controlling and monitoring the behavior of parishioners under the guise of strict adherence to the church’s beliefs.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Consent versus Coercion

Threatening, pressuring, or strongly recommending, an individual consent to having their digital activities monitored is not consent.

More than just standard filtering and monitoring, Accountable2You also flags LGBTQIA+ content regardless of whether or not it is pornographic in nature. This is the “other questionable material” I referred to earlier. My issue is not that LGBTQIA+ material is blocked or flagged, but that any topic related to it is flagged in a similar fashion to hardcore pornography.

Pressuring people, vilifying them for whom they love, and monitoring all of their digital moves can create intense shame for the individuals being monitored. Particularly if they don’t conform to the heteronormative ideals of some religious organizations.

Shame encourages people to hide, withdraw, or turn to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Therefore, shame can make the initial behaviors worse. More about shame from Dr. Jen here and here.

Google has chosen to remove these apps from their store using violations of their technology policies because condemning them for violating users’ privacy rights is too political. Time will tell if Google steps up in favor of individual rights over appeasing a small but vocal and wealthy minority.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

What to do about Covenant Eyes after these revelations?

Broadly speaking, if you’re using an accountability app and you feel you were under duress when you selected your accountability partner, it’s time to re-evaluate that relationship and your continued use of the software.

If you still want to use one of these solutions on a non-Android platform, Windows, MacOS, or iOS, they are still available. You can still use them on Android because they can be “side-loaded” using instructions on the company websites.

If you would like a simple, straightforward filtering solution without the shame, check out BlockSite, for desktop and mobile devices.

For those of you who’d like accountability monitoring and filtering, I recommend EverAccountable, for desktop and mobile devices. EverAccountable also uses mental health friendly language in relation to how to handle slips and relapses.

An Important Note about Privacy

The Wired article referenced above also talked about third-parties having access to data from these apps. One, in particular, called Fortify was singled out because the company was cagey about revealing its third-party partners in its privacy policy and it sent the user’s password, along with other data, in plaintext to Facebook.

Transparency in a privacy policy is key and obfuscating passwords is Software Development 101. These kinds of mistakes call in to question the security of the entire app.

I did a quick read through of the privacy policies of both alternatives I mentioned above and saw no red flags, but I encourage you to read through them yourself.

• BlockSite privacy policy
• EverAccountable privacy policy

If you are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, local to the Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania, and need support a great place to start is the Bradbury-Sullivan LGBT Community Center.

Need support and not local to the Lehigh Valley? Check out the LGBT National Help Center.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Why did Google Remove Covenant Eyes? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

I remember, vaguely, the first time I saw Love, Sex & Eating the Bones. I may have been twelve or fourteen years old at the time.

The only memory I had was of the last scene where Michael cuddles next to Jasmine around a fire pit with pornography films engulfed in flames. Obviously, at the time I had no understanding about the film, other than a guy throwing porn tapes in a fire. 

New Eyes

Years later, I revisited this film with “new eyes” (which is going to be a theme here) and realized not only is it a film about porn addiction.

It is a film about black people with porn addiction.

Research with this specific population is non-existent. I think that this film is one of the most important, if not the only, film with people of color dealing with porn addiction. With the lack of research aside, I think this is a great film that needs more recognition for individuals in recovery.

I feel this film could be used to help others articulate their relatability to Michael and his issues. 

Synopsis of Love, Sex & Eating the Bones (Spoilers!)

The issues Michael encounters are similar for all individuals addicted to porn such as:

• Erectile dysfunction
• Having sexual attraction to your partner but not being able to perform due to sexual desensitization
• Performance anxiety
• Frustration
• Decrease of quality in relationship
• Guilt and shame

In the start of the film, we can see that Michael is a young man in his mid- to late-twenties. He is employed as a security guard. We also find out he is an aspiring photographer.

We see a collection of women’s pictures he taped to the wall at work like a generic teenager’s celebrity crushes.

This shows that he does objectify women to a degree. The wall of women serves as foreshadowing for the variety of porn that he consumes. 

Aside from the mundane security job, Michael seems to be struggling with finding love and motivation for his photography. But when he meets Jasmine, things take a turn for the better. After a few dates with Jasmine, they attempt to have sex and he could not get an erection.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

After they both become frustrated, Michael proposes to try to get an erection and have sex while porn is playing in the background.

The Low Point

This makes her uncomfortable and she then leaves Michael.

This is a common issue with some partners of porn addicts. They would have low self-esteem or personalize the fact that the addict can only have an erection by watching porn. This comes from a feeling that the addict is not stimulated or aroused by the partner. If the use of pornography continues the addict could form an intimate relationship/connection with pornography instead of the partner.

Such realizations could be devastating and sever the relationship. 

This was the moment when he realized that the porn is not “real.” It’s different from watching from the couch. Porn itself is just a fantasy and not a real human sexual connection.

Throughout the film we could see his addiction manifest itself as his favorite porn star.

She would come out of the screen while he would be watching porn or occupied with processing film. She would ask him to “spend time” with her.

Personification

This is an accurate representation of how a personification of the addiction would be.

Personification is a great tool that I use with my clients. I ask them to put the addict-self outside of themselves. I then explain how to make the addict-self a conduit to refuse the behaviors that the addict desires.

This could also be looked at as a personification of a trigger or urge being that voice in the mind triggering/urging the addict to act out or masturbate. 

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

The Turning Point

There is a scene where Michael wins a chance to record a porn scene with the same porn star. He, ironically, plays a security guard in the scene.

As she pins him against the desk and attempts to go down on him, the porn actress’s face suddenly warps into Jasmine’s. He panics, yells “cut!” and runs off the set.

This was the moment when he realized that the porn is not “real.” It’s different from watching from the couch. Porn itself is just a fantasy and not a real human sexual connection.

It also looked like he was experiencing performance anxiety and/or erectile dysfunction while on set. Similar to what he experienced with Jasmine. Perhaps, he had to think about Jasmine in order to get an erection and have sex with the porn star.  

After all the pornographic media he’s consumed, he decides, at that moment, to seek out an organic sexual connection/relationship that isn’t influenced by pornography.

The Conclusion

In the next scene, he’s siting in a chair talking to a counselor saying, “I just want my eyes back”. This was a great metaphor for reclaiming his vision for photography and his view of healthy relationships.

Michael and Jasmine end up getting back together after he professes his love for her and wants to commit.

Finally, we see them having sex and both climaxing at the same time as they ironically turn to the camera and say, “What are you looking at?” This showed the rewarding effects of rebuilding the intimacy and abstinence from pornography in order to facilitate a deeper intimate connection. 

As a therapist, I wish the rebuilding process for intimate connections was this fast but, in the real world, it takes time.

The Takeaway from Love, Sex & Eating the Bones

In therapy we would recommend abstinence from sex with the partner, in addition to abstinence from porn, for a significant amount of time. Typically anywhere from 30-90 days. This process helps reset dopamine levels and time to work on rebuilding the other intimacies of the relationship. This may be alien to our hypersexualized culture in which intimacy does not always mean sex.

Just to be clear: intimacy also refers to emotional, physical and mental connection.  

Originally appeared on EliIrving.blog on December 6, 2021

Guest Post by Elijah Irving

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Love, Sex & Eating the Bones (2003) Review first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

I read Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts for several reasons: 

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

The first is that we sometimes have individuals referred to us for potential sexual addiction who have intrusive sexual thoughts. Frequently these individuals are not dealing with a problematic sexual behavior, but intrusive sexual thoughts and we refer them out to a great area clinician who specializes in treating Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 

Second, we do have a lot of clients who have some version of intrusive thoughts. So, I thought: the more I could learn about it, the better.

The subtitle of the book is A CBT based guide to getting over frightening, obsessive or disturbing thoughts. 

My initial assumption was that the book was going to more traditionally CBT focused, but I did not find it so. It reads more like a book that is advocating some level of mindfulness-based practice. 

This is perfect for me as we often use this in our practice. 

One helpful part of this book is how much it normalizes intrusive thoughts. Many people have thoughts that pop into their heads that are about violence, sexualized content or doing or engaging in what the author calls “disgusting” acts. 

Anytime we can work to reduce shame it is a great thing! 

Struggling with excessive sexual thoughts, urges, or activities that are causing you distress? Take the free, online Sexual Symptom Assessment Scale (SSAS) and get a link to share with your therapist.

The Six Steps to Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts

I want to focus this review on the authors six steps to reduce distress over a thought. They are very mindfulness based and are also extremely applicable to dealing with urges and cravings in any type of addiction. 

The steps are: 

Recognize

The first step is to just recognize that an intrusive thought is just a thought. To adapt this to addiction recovery, a craving is just a craving. We can recognize it for what it is. That means we pause and label it. Thought. Craving, etc.

Just Thoughts

The next step is to remind oneself that it is just a thought or craving. 

Accept and Allow

From there we Accept and Allow the thought or craving. The author says that this means we actively allow the thoughts to be there. We don’t act on it, but we also do not need to give the thoughts or cravings attention. For example, someone in recovery might say to themselves, this is just a craving.

Float and Feel

The Float and Feel step requires perhaps a bit more explanation. The author says to float above the fray and allow the feelings to just stay there. This is described as an attitude of “non-active, non-urgent, non-effortful observation.” This is also called the Wise Mind. Float and Feel is to passively allow the thought or craving to be and not engage with it. 

Let Time Pass

Perhaps one of the hardest steps is to just let time pass. This is to learn to sit with the feelings that come up and not try to immediately do something to get rid of them. Recognize that a thought or a craving is just a false message from our brain. 

Proceed

The last step is to Proceed or just keep going. Continue with whatever it was that you were doing. 

Of course, as with most difficult things we need to change, this process is much easier said than done.  These steps take time to learn and even more time to master.  A good first step is to just be able to recognize a thought or a craving and label it for what it is. I am having a craving.  I am just going to try to sit with it as long as I can without judging it.  Thoughts and cravings pass.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Conclusion

Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts is a nice primer to help individuals start to understand their intrusive thoughts. 

It also helps them come to understand if the thoughts are simply intrusive thoughts or indicative of something else, such as OCD, that might require professional help to master.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Book Review: Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Rob Weiss’s latest contribution to the recovery community is his book, Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency. 

This book, and the philosophy of prodependence are an alternate take on the idea of codependency that has been rampant in the addiction recovery movement for decades. 

What is Codependency?

Codependence has been defined as “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition, such as an addiction” (Merriam-Webster). 

In the recovery community the spouse, partner or family of someone suffering from an addiction is often labeled a codependent. 

This term came into the recovery lexicon in the 1980’s and became part of everyday language. 

A codependency diagnosis was rejected by the APA for the inclusion into the DSM but the “diagnosis” has persisted and there are 12 step meetings for Codependents (CODA). 

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

How is Prodependence Different from Codependency?

Rob Weiss proposes the the concept of Prodependence. He, and other therapists, believe codependence is not helpful to family members. 

Family members, loved ones, or care givers of addicts, in the codependency model, are often told they’re part of the problem. However, they’re just trying to cope with a very difficult situation. 

Prodependence is a term to describe “attachment relationships that are healthfully interdependent, where one person’s strengths support the vulnerabilities of another and vice versa, with this mutual support occurring automatically and without question.” (p53.) 

Rob prefers this concept as it celebrates a loved one’s desire to help the addict in their life without shame or blame.

Distancing from the term ‘enabling’

Prodependence looks at the behaviors of those around the addict as attempts to maintain or restore healthy attachment.

Not as enabling. 

Treating prodependence is similar to treating co-dependence in terms of encouraging healthy boundaries and self care. 

However, it differs by being a strength based, attachment driven model that values loved ones of an addict.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Kindness and Empathy, Not Shaming

Another key idea behind prodependence, is that an addict has an attachment disorder and needs healthy attachment to truly heal. 

Encouraging prodependence, treating addicts and their loved ones with kindness, empathy and respect, can help repair attachment traumas. 

Intimacy Versus Codependency

Another difference between prodependence and codependence is looking at addiction as an intimacy disorder. In opposition to tough love, intimacy disorders are treated with the pursuit of healthy, intimate and ongoing connection.

While suggesting that codependence may be an outdated concept is risky, it doesn’t feel groundbreaking. Prodependence feels like the natural conclusion when you consider what we’ve learned about attachment, intimacy and shame.

As Johann Hari suggests in his TED Talk, “What if all we were taught about addiction is wrong?” 

Perhaps, instead, we should treat addicts and their loved ones without shame and blame. We might get farther modeling healthy attachment, boundaries, compassion, and empathy instead.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency – Book Review first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

As a therapist, how do we determine whether a pornography problem is erotic conflict or an addiction?

When I started in this field, sex addiction was not a common term. Therapists who treated sex addiction were not that prevalent, therefore you never heard about sex addiction on the news. 

Today, it’s a different story. 

You hear the term sex addiction all the time, bandied about every time there’s a celebrity sex scandal. Therapists who treat sex addiction, whether specifically trained to do so or not, are much more common now too.

The same goes for pornography addiction.

For some reason, this feels less stigmatizing to many. There are now large numbers of therapists who treat pornography addiction. There are also many new programs popping up to help men deal with their pornography addictions. These programs are often not run by a therapist or affiliated with a 12-step program, but instead created and run by independent agents or religious institutions.

The Impact of Media Discussion of Addiction

As the visibility of pornography addiction grows, the type of clients we have coming to the office have changed. In the beginning, over 8 years ago, the (predominantly) men who were coming in to address problems with pornography were men who had struggled for most of their lives with pornography use. 

They were:

• Watching more than they wanted to
• Couldn’t stop
• Were experiencing serious repercussions in
  • Their work
  • Their relationships
  • The legal system 

I would diagnose these men as pornography or, more broadly, sex addicts.

The Changing Face of Sex and Pornography Addicts: The Pornography Problem

Today, many of the men who are coming in with self-diagnosed addictions are men who look at some pornography. 

They don’t:

• Look at it a lot; once or twice a week, sometimes less
• Look at it for hours and hours on end
• Look at anything illegal
• Often look at any pornography that is more “hardcore” 

Their pornography use is usually causing a conflict in their relationship. These are not men that I would diagnose with a pornography addiction, but they call themselves pornography addicts.

So, are these men who come in pornography addicts? Or are they men who are experiencing an erotic conflict?

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

What is an Erotic Conflict?

And how do we know what type of pornography problem it is

An erotic conflict is experienced by a person who is engaging in, or fantasizing about, a sexual behavior that conflicts with his or her moral values or religious values. 

For example, a person who is attracted to sex with the same sex might experience an erotic conflict because their religious beliefs tell them that same sex attraction is wrong. Therefore, their behavior conflicts with their religious beliefs. 

A person who uses escorts might be experiencing an erotic conflict because breaking the law is against their personal moral values. 

A man who is watching pornography occasionally, a few times a month, might feel as though he has a sexual addiction or pornography addiction because his religious beliefs tell him that lust and pornography are bad. Therefore, he equates any use of pornography with addiction.

What does the DSM-V say about the Pornography Problem?

There is no DSM-V definition of sexual addiction or pornography addiction but we can extrapolate the criteria from drug and alcohol and gambling addictions. These are all use disorders in the DSM-V. This means that someone who is a pornography addict would experience at least two of the following issues: 

• Watching pornography more often than they intended and for longer periods of time than intended
• An inability to stop watching pornography
• Spending a lot of time creating opportunities to watch pornography
• Craving pornography use
• Failure to fulfill obligations at work, home or school due to using pornography
• Continuing to use pornography even after interpersonal problems resulting from use
• Social isolation due to pornography use
• The need for more pornography or more intense pornography to get the same feeling and difficulties when they try to stop using pornography or can’t access it

Here is my plea to clinicians and to society as well:

Can we please be more discerning in diagnosing sexual and pornography addiction?

What happens when we over diagnose pornography addiction?

1. We never get to the underlying issue. If someone is actually experiencing an erotic conflict, they may never get to the root of the issue. They may work a 12-step abstinence model and therefore condemn any experiences of lust as bad or problematic. This can place moral good or bad judgements on sexual behavior, in other words more psychological harm if the client continues to engage in the behavior. It can shame the normal biological process of attraction by labeling it as lust. It may prevent the client from learning about healthy sexuality and what truly arouses and attracts them. Ultimately, they may never work through the conflict between their body and their beliefs to a healthy resolution.
2. We cause more shame. Though being a pornography addict is less shameful than it used to be, being named an addict will create very shameful thoughts for most people. This shame must be worked through when the person actually has an addiction. When the person is mislabeled, it can cause more shame and isolation than necessary. This adds to the “I’m a bad person” thoughts the pornography consumer might have for looking at pornography.
3. We trivialize sexual addiction. The therapeutic community and, often, the media hotly debate whether sexual or pornography addictions are “real.” The con side often uses the argument that those who support the idea of sexual addiction are religious conservatives who are condemning normal sexual practices. When someone with an erotic conflict, often based on religious beliefs, is diagnosed with an addiction, this reinforces the argument that we are trying to morally dictate sexual practices and label them addictions

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

The Takeaways

My goal here and in my practice is not to condemn or judge. We all have our own set of values that we would like to live by. 

My plea is that we, both clinicians and consumers, really look at the behavior: Is the client presenting in your office who uses pornography an addict or someone with an erotic conflict? The treatment is different.

If they have an erotic conflict, the work is to process through the beliefs, sexuality and the conflict to come to a resolution that fits the client’s moral and personal compass. 

If the client is an addict, the treatment will likely follow a more traditional addiction model with 12-step attendance, abstinence from certain behaviors and recovery work.

I leave you with my plea again: CAN WE PLEASE BE MORE DISCERNING IN DIAGNOSING SEXUAL AND PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION?

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Pornography Problem: Erotic Conflict or Addiction? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

I have been an addiction therapist for approximately thirteen years.  While for some professions that may not seem like a long time, for a substance abuse professional, thirteen years in the trenches is a very long time. It is thirteen years of being underpaid, overworked, and underfunded.  It is also thirteen years of working with lost and often traumatized souls who may never ever get better.  Thirteen years as a substance abuse professional can make you weary.  However, you don’t end up in this profession and last for any length of time unless it is a calling.

Unless you are completely cut off from the outside world, you have seen many a news article lately about what is being called the heroin or opiate epidemic.  The apparent meteoric rise of addiction problems due to a prescription pill problem that for many turns into a heroin problem.  In March of 2016, the Centers for Disease Control issued new guidelines for doctors who prescribe opioids for chronic pain.  In 2015, hydrocodone combination products were moved to a Schedule II drug classification, indicating their highly addictive potential.  These changes were made in the hope of curbing the opiate addiction problem in our country, but with little effect.

This blog is not meant to be a discussion of anything related to why the situation continues to decline or what to do about it now.  What I want to talk about is prevention.  Most resources, even good resources like www.PASTOP.org, spend most of their page space talking about prescribing, what to do with unused medication, overdose and treatment information.  While all of this is very useful information, it is what I would call secondary prevention.  This is prevention of use by teens or adults, frequently who are prescribed medication initially by a doctor for a legitimate medical issue.  What is missing from the big picture of this prevention discussion is childhood.

Earlier this year, I finished reading both Dr. Gabor Mate’s, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts and Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s, The Body Keeps the Score.  Both are must reads for anyone who works in the addiction field.  I would like to share with you the line from In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts that inspired me to write the post.

“The prevention of substance abuse needs to begin in the crib – and even before then, in the social recognition that nothing is more important for the future of our culture than the way children develop.” P. 443

What is missing in almost all current talk about prevention is that, unfortunately, for all the people already addicted or prone to addiction, it is potentially too late.  Why do people become addicts?  Trust me in that no one wants to be an addict when they grow up or enjoys addiction.  Maybe, in the beginning, they liked the effect of the drug, but that quickly wears off.  What many addicts like is the escape.  The ability to take a substance that makes them not feel feelings they don’t like or can’t handle.  They like the fact that when they are taking the substance, they don’t have to sit in reality.  They like that the drug makes their flashbacks go away.  They like the fact that many drugs make them forget for a period of time.

In 13 years, I have yet to meet a drug addict who, at some point in their life, and most likely in childhood, did not suffer from at least one form of abuse or neglect.  Many drug addicts and alcoholics (gamblers and sex addicts too) endured verbal, physical and/or sexual abuse by their parents or family members growing up.  Many endured neglect in childhood as well, whether that was physical or emotional.  Many addicts were bullied in school and had no one safe at home to talk to about their experiences.  These childhood experiences mean that often, they looked for ways to self soothe, ways to cope or ways to feel better even if it was for a short period of time.

The ACE studies (Adverse Childhood Experiences) have shown scientific proof of what addiction counselors have known for years.  The more ACE events in a person’s life, the more likely they are to not only have physical issues but also mental health issues.  People with higher ACE scores are 2 to 4 times more likely to use alcohol or other drugs and to do so at an earlier age.  If a person’s ACE score is 5 or higher, they are 7 to 10 times more likely to use illegal drugs, report addiction or to inject illegal drugs.

So what do we do?  Addiction prevention starts before a child is born.  The in-utero environment of a child affects their neurobiological reaction to stress as an adult.  To stop drug addiction, we need to stop child abuse.  How do we do this?  Obviously, this is a tall order.  Make parenting classes more accessible to all expecting men and women.  Teach not only about physical care of a child but their mental health care as well.  Talk about attunement to a child and how that affects his or her ability to regulate emotion later in life.  Work to create safe spaces in a home and healthy attachment.  Teach communication skills from the start.  Teach healthy coping skills to even very young children.  Teach healthy coping skills to the adults so that they can model these for their children.  Work as hard as we can to prevent physical, sexual and emotional abuse of everyone.

I realize that my goals are idealistic.  I have always said that if the world gets healthy, I would happily change professions.

We need to start addiction prevention from the beginning by having discussions about childhood abuse, neglect and trauma.  We need to work to take away the stigma of therapy and getting help for emotional problems.  We need to teach everyone how to effectively communicate and cope.

I know that this is a tall order and that many do not have the resources to learn all these skills.  We need to work to provide these resources to everyone.  As a society, we need to do more……….

For more information on Dr. Weeks please go to our company website www.sexualaddictiontreatmentservices.com.

Photo credit.  The Watsons, NYC, NY.

The post Something’s Missing in the Current Drug Prevention Rhetoric first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

I specialize in working with sexual addiction and problematic sexual behavior. Most of my clients are men.  Working with male addicts for over a dozen years has taught me, in person, that many more boys are sexually abused than the numbers tell us.  These boys do not tell anyone and do not seek help.  These boys turn into men who are profoundly affected by their sexual abuse experiences as children and most of the time, don’t even know it.  They do not name what happened to them as abuse, or they don’t want to.  They feel so much shame about being abused that they lock part of themselves away so tightly it can take years (like 5 to 7 years) of therapy before they even acknowledge to a trusted therapist what happened to them.  These men who were abused as boys suffer in silence.

I realize that many people (myself included) will respond to this by saying that many girls and women do not disclose their sexual abuse and that they too live lives that are deeply affected by their abuse histories.  Having spent time working in a Women’s Trauma and Addiction PHP and IOP program, I do not dispute this.  However, I see a difference.

When women finally find the courage to come forward to seek treatment for their sexual abuse, they can find resources.  There are many group, individual and support resources for women who are survivors of sexual abuse.  Finding help is not so easy for men.  I will share an example from my practice to explain.

I have a male client who came to me last year who I will call Tom.  Tom has a pornography addiction and came to treatment after the problem began to cause a great deal of disruption in his life.  He had never gone to therapy and near the beginning of our work together, he disclosed that, when he was a boy, he was sexually abused by a neighbor boy who was near his age.  He had never shared this with anyone in his life and as soon as he acknowledged the abuse, the floodgates opened.  He started to have flashbacks and other PTSD symptoms.  Tom is a take charge kind of guy and we nearly immediately started to look for resources for him to do trauma work outside of our individual sessions.

First, we looked for men’s specific groups.  There was nothing and we are directly outside of a major east coast city.  Then we looked for trauma groups.  Tom talked to a few places that had groups for trauma survivors and was told that, as a man, he would make the women in the group uncomfortable so they could not have him join the group.  He then had an intake with a county resource for group trauma work.  After his intake, they told him that his case was too complicated and he could not join the group.  After months of looking, we literally could not find a group for sexual trauma survivors that was either all men or that would allow men into the group.

Tom continues his trauma work in individual therapy but craves the connection and understanding that one gets in group work.  He wants to know he is not alone and the therapeutic community was unable to tell him that, as a man, he is not alone.

Tom is just one example of many that I could pull from my case load.  To me, he is the loudest example of how we, as a treatment community, fail male survivors of sexual assault.  I have had other clients walk out of public events for sexual abuse survivors because, as the only man in attendance, they felt unwelcome and uncomfortable.

Why do we treatment professionals who work so closely with trauma not offer more resources to men? Are we uncomfortable?  Is there a reason we focus more closely on female survivors of sexual abuse?  These are questions to which I have no answers.  I have only heartbreak.  I can only do my part to welcome male sexual abuse survivors into therapy when they come and to start group programming for them in my practice.

I challenge other treatment professionals to process this issue and see what we can do to create more resources for men and to be more welcoming.

For a good online resource for male survivors of sexual abuse, please see www.1in6.org

The post We Are Failing Male Sexual Abuse Survivors first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

I am going to start this post by adamantly stating that I am not a couples counselor. It’s not my thing and I just can’t do it. I have a great respect for those therapists who train in this area and devote their careers to helping couples find their way. Since I do not do couples therapy, I must refer my clients out to other couples therapists. You might think that this is an easy task. There are many Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists in this world. Then why do I hear so many horror stories from my clients? Why is my list of people to NOT refer to longer than my list of people TO refer to?

I will share with you the story of a newer client’s experience in couples counseling. First, I should share that I work with sex addicts and sexually addicted sex offenders. It is a rather specialized population and perhaps, a controversial one. Many of my clients are caught by the authorities for viewing child pornography. For many of them, this behavior is an escalation of their addiction to pornography.

This man and his wife, not long after her “disclosure by police”, went to see a couples therapist. This was not someone our program recommended but a therapist that they found via their insurance. The therapist had no stated knowledge or expertise in working with pornography addiction nor with offenders. This was glaringly obvious. My client reported that he was very open with this therapist. He told the counselor all about his addiction and how it led to his use of illegal images and arrest. (Let me tell you this is a big deal to share at a first session with anyone!).

When a client comes to you for this type of work, their level of shame gives them an amazing radar for judgment. They are sharing their deepest secrets with you, the therapist. If you move an eyebrow they will know it and likely interpret it as you judging them. Well, my client immediately felt as though the couples therapist did not believe that pornography addiction was a real thing. All from a vocal expression of the therapist. My client continued the session for the sake of his partner.

This therapist asked to see the partner alone during the initial session. Granted, what I relate to you is third party information, relayed from the partner to the client to me. However, even allowing for interpretation of the event, there is some truth here. That truth is very bothersome.

What the partner heard: the couples therapist thought that her husband (my client) was lying. The couples therapist felt that my client was not sorry about anything only that he was caught. The couples therapist then advised the partner that she should leave the relationship. All this assessment was garnered after only an hour intake session.

One can only imagine what this did to the partner.

What this also does is taint the idea of couples therapy for both of them.

As counselors, therapists and psychologists, we are only supposed to treat within our area of expertise. I treat sexual addiction, sexual offenders, addiction, and trauma and addiction. If someone comes to me with an eating disorder, for example, I don’t treat them. I refer them to a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. If someone comes to me with schizophrenia, I refer them to a specialist. You get the idea.

When we do not abide by this and treat people out of our area of expertise we can do damage to the client. This happens frequently when it comes to sex addiction. Sex addiction is a very controversial topic. Many people think it doesn’t exist and many people do. Personally, the label does not matter to me. For some clients, the label matters very much. If a client feels they have a sexual addiction and identifies with the label in a healthy way and a therapist tells them that it doesn’t exist or treats them in a manner biased by their own beliefs, they can do harm to the client.

If there is a stigma about sex addiction, then the stigma against sex offenders is there tenfold. Even less therapists are trained in treating sex offenders than sex addicts. There are studies that show therapists won’t treat pedophiles. In a profession where we are supposed to be open and nonjudgmental, many of us are just that, judgmental.

I do not write this to bash well-meaning couples therapists. I reiterate that I have the utmost respect for your work! My plea to couples therapists is this: If you do not believe in sex addiction, do not treat a couple where one partner feels they are a sex addict. If you do not believe in sex addiction or pornography addiction, please don’t shame the person with the addiction. If you do not want to treat sex offenders, then simply say that. Please don’t go behind one partner’s back and tell them that their husband or wife is lying and they should leave.

My advice for those seeking couples counseling (or any counseling for that matter) is to investigate your potential therapist. I understand that therapy out of network can be costly. The list of therapists you get from your insurance company means nothing other than they are in network with your insurance. It is your job to do some groundwork on us. Check out the therapist’s website. Consider what their specialties are. Call and ask if they specialize in working with couples (or individuals) who are going through what you are going through. If they don’t, then find another therapist.

Ultimately, we work for the client. Therefore I end every one of my intake sessions with a new client with one question. “Do you think that you can work with me?” I want to know if they feel comfortable with me. If not, even if I have the right training for the client, I am not the right therapist.

For more information on Dr. Weeks and her practice, visit our website:  www.sexualaddictiontreatmentservices.com 

The post Why is a Good Couples Counselor So Hard to Find? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Anyone who has heard me lecture or has been a client of my practice knows how concerned I am about how our culture shames sex and sexuality.

The sex addicts I work with have such an enormous sense of shame about their addiction.

Their partners have their own sense of shame about being in a relationship with a sex addict.

Our culture shames sexuality… All. The. Time.

Media Portrayals

I have become more and more uncomfortable about how the media is handling the topic of pornography use among adolescents.

If you do a Google search about kids looking at pornography the predominant language is “caught.”

My hope is that when a parent discovers that his or her child has viewed online pornography, they do not view the incident as “caught,” but that they can understand that this is a normative behavior and talk to their child in that context.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

“’Caught’ your child looking at pornography?”

“What to do if you catch your child watching porn.”

Implied in the word “catch,” in this context, is the idea that someone is doing something wrong or deceptive. Some might say that I am being overly sensitive to the use of this word, but I don’t think that I am. Here’s why.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

Creating Shame

When working with my sexually addicted clients, we always talk about what happened if anyone (mostly parents) ever found them looking at pornography or masturbating.

The language of “caught” always comes up:

• “Mom caught me masturbating.”
• “Dad caught me looking at pornography.”

The act of being “caught” produced shame and embarrassment in the majority of my clients. The next thing we always talk about is the reaction of the person who “caught” them.

Most of the time the “catcher” was reactive, said something negative or did not respond well. My clients frequently garnered one message from this interaction:

Sex is shameful and embarrassing.

It becomes internalized as: “There must be something wrong with me if I am engaging in this behavior.”

From that point on, shame has entered their sense of sexuality. If I am ashamed of something, I will keep it secret.

Shame and secrets are two of the hallmarks of sexual addiction.

In today’s digital world, if we “catch” a teen looking at pornography online, we are “catching” a normative behavior.

Viewing pornography for many adolescents is a part of their sexual exploration. Access and availability have made online pornography a venue for sexual exploration and sex education.

If we use shaming language with our children or shame them for engaging in something normative, we are fusing sex and shame together. This fusion has the potential to lead to trouble in the future.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Parents Can’t Just Look the Other Way

Just because online pornography viewing is a normative adolescent behavior does not mean that it is not without problems. It is not the best venue for sex education.

It is often in conflict with a family’s religious or moral beliefs. Frequent consumption can also alter beliefs about sex, objectification of women and ideas about consent.

My hope is that when a parent discovers that his or her child has viewed online pornography, they do not view the incident as “caught,” but that they can understand that this is a normative behavior and talk to their child in that context.

As a parent, you should discuss:

• How the behavior is, perhaps, in direct conflict with the family religious beliefs
• How pornography can distort ideas about healthy sexuality and connection
• Sex education in an open way

This can all be done in a manner that does not make the child feel wrong, sinful, dirty or perverted for having watched pornography.

The work of not shaming sexuality in teens is the work of the parents. This is prevention. Where there is no shame, there are no secrets.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Caught your kid looking at porn? How we shame children first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.