Most often, when we talk about online communities for abstinence from pornography and masturbation, such as No Fap, we are talking about men.

Online forums purporting abstinence, particularly Reddit, are a predominantly male space. So, where do the women go? 

While we know men more often report problematic sexual behavior than women, women do still struggle with PSB issues. Where is their safe space? A recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior recently addressed this question.

A No Fap Study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior

The authors analyzed the posts from a women-only online forum called Porn Free Women. 

Porn Free Women was developed because most pornography abstinence online spaces are dominated by men and many women did not feel comfortable or accepted participating in them.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Therapeutic, Empowerment and Heteronormative

The analysis of the discussions revealed 16 predominant topics that fell within three themes: 

• Therapeutic
• Empowerment
• Heteronormative

Half of the discussions fit the therapeutic theme. Pornography abstinence was discussed as overcoming adversity through healing and transformation. Here pornography was seen as addictive.  

Over a quarter of the posts fit into the heteronormative theme. The discussions involved romantic relationships, identity anxiety and ideas of being a “real” woman. 

The empowerment theme emphasized female empowerment and agency in building a supportive community to promote well-being.  

Many of the women in the forum identified with the philosophy of pornography addiction. 

Unlike men, many of these women use their own past sexual victimization to rationalize their entry into pornography addiction.  

This study was interesting because it is one of the very few studies that look at a women’s perspective on desired abstinence from pornography. In a field dominated by heteronormative male voices, it is refreshing to see science finally take an interest in the female voices in the arena.  

Reference

Zhang, X & Silva, D.E. (2024).  “I feel like a fraud who acts like a feminist”: The discussion themes and sexual scripts in the Porn Free Women online forum.  Archives of Sexual Behavior.  Doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-02858-w 

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

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Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor seeking engaging, unique Continuing Education courses? Dr. Weeks offers accredited courses on her practice website on the effects of Pornography Abstinence and other unique topics!

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Are you exploring your trauma? Do you feel your childhood experiences were detrimental to your current mental or physical health? Utilize this free, validated, self-report questionnaire to find out.

Take the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Questionnaire

The post A Study on “No Fap” for Women? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Last Monday, I received screenshots of a game my client was playing, but it wasn’t a traditional game. He indulged in the ever-expanding genre of pornographic video games.

Some of you who read my blog regularly may know, a person on federal supervised release for an internet crime of a sexual nature must have monitoring software on their devices.

The software blocks you from sites based on probation regulations and takes screenshots of what they’re doing. When one of my clients looks at questionable things, their probation officer will contact me and send me screenshots of the content.

I’m Not Going to Moralize About Pornographic Video Games

Nor will I discuss whether or not this is an appropriate expression of sexuality for people whom partnered sex is not an option. This is just a, “Hey it’s out there if you didn’t know about it,” post.

Adult video gaming is legal and the people playing them are making a conscious choice to do so.

So why does it matter? In my work, it matters for a few reasons.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Pornographic Video Games and

Adolescents

We all know that most kids today game. It is super common and can be as much of a lifestyle as a hobby to kill some time. Games have come a long way from the Frogger of my youth.

Adult video games can be problematic for youth the same as pornography.

Physical and emotional development of teens does not happen along the same trajectory. Bodies might find these games exciting, but minds don’t always know how to process what goes on.

In most pornographic video games, as in pornography, there is not a discussion of consent, boundaries, or anything else. And the themes or topics are similar to pornography.

I braved a google search and adult video games are promoting themes like anal sex with your stepsister and sex with your stepmom the same as live pornography is.

Not the best themes for a growing mind to be masturbating to.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

Individuals with Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB)

Pornographic video games can fall into a grey area for those with pornography addictions or PSB.

They are not pornography, as many will define it in terms of live humans, but it still falls into the category of sex acts or simulated sex acts.

Using adult video games may be a gray area that a person struggling with pornography addiction can use as a means to act out while thinking they are not violating their bottom-line behaviors.

Individuals on Supervised Release

Playing these games could be a violation of the stipulations of supervision for individuals on probation, parole, or federal supervised release for crimes of a sexual nature.

Many of these probation stipulations prohibit viewing pornography. I’ve found most probation/parole officers consider adult video games to be pornography.

Playing pornographic video games and not disclosing it could cause problems with supervision and result in a freedom-losing violation.

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See the latest research on criminality related to social media:

• Social Anxiety and Loneliness in Online Solicitation Offenders

See more articles related to social media

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What’s the Lesson About Pornographic Video Games?

For me, it was to be more specific. My client had permission to play video games. We had worked on that, and it was approved by treatment and probation. Clearly, I needed to be more specific about what types of video games were okay to play.

I needed to have more conversations about exactly what was okay to do and what was not.

Again, not here to have a philosophical discussion about adult sex games. I want to help our guys stay compliant with their conditions.

What’s the Lesson for Non-Supervised Folks?

Particularly if you are a parent of a gaming adolescent, you need to know what games your child is playing.

Be involved in their lives. Ask about their gaming. Ask if they have seen or played these games. Talk about it.

If your child is a gamer and young, learn how to block those sites or games from their gaming device.

Ultimately, the lesson is to be aware.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Pornographic Video Games and Sexuality first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

We all have known a villain or two. Even the sex addiction treatment community has villains. Why are these people villains?

Because they question the validity of sex addiction.

Two, in particular, come to mind, though upon reflection they are not the same.

Villain Introduction

The first villain, Dr. David Ley, is a rather publicly outspoken opponent of the idea of sex addiction. He is a clinician, writer, and sometimes public debater of Dr. Rob Weiss.

The second villain is Dr. Prause. She is an academic and researcher from the University of California with a prolific CV. Her publications appear in peer reviewed scientific journals. Her argument against sex addiction as a concept is more theoretical and based on the scientific concept of validity.

Listening, Not Just Hearing

Imagine my surprise, after spending three hours in an Association for the Treatment and Prevention of Sexual Abuse (ATSA) training on Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD), that the first plenary speaker of the ATSA conference was Dr. Prause making her case against sexual addiction.

To be completely honest, I have not read much of her scientific work.

My knowledge of her is second hand from a community that does not consider her a friend.

I had two choices:

1. Sit and listen to the talk from a position of defensiveness based on my belief in CSBD.
2. Sit and listen from a place of openness and process her information with an open and clear mind.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

Giving the Villain a Chance

I put on my open-minded researcher hat and listened to her talk entitled Psychophysiology and the Failure to Discriminate Sexual Compulsion as a New Disorder. Her talk focused on two key components of proving the construct validity of a theory.

Particularly, she focused on convergent and discriminant validity.

Research Methods

As a recap for those who did not endure lots of research methods in school:

• Convergent validity is a type of construct validity that tests whether things that should be related are related.
• Discriminant validity, on the other hand, tests whether constructs that should not have a relationship do not have a relationship.

In looking at these two types of construct validity, Dr. Prause is addressing whether our measures of assessing sexual addiction are related and whether sexual addiction is different than other things such as depression.

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As professionals, our time is valuable. Dr. Weeks created the Mitigation Aide Research Archive because there isn’t enough focused, data-backed research available in easily digestible formats.

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Determination of a New Disorder

We often point to Voon et. al (2014) as a neuroscientific study that lends support to sexual addiction because the results of the self-determined sex addicts in the study had similar results to those of substance abusers.

Prause argues that when you look at the brain imaging studies of sexual desire you see the same reactivity, suggesting that Voon et. al very possibly just studied sexual desire as opposed to sexual addiction.

In terms of discriminant validity, Dr. Prause looks to the many studies that look at sexual addiction and its comorbidity with other mental health issues like major depressive disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, alcohol use disorder, etc. The point she made is that if a diagnosis has so much overlap with other diagnoses, it is likely not its own separate diagnosis but symptoms of some other construct.

The Villain May Not Be a Villain After all

What I found most interesting: despite not believing that sexual addiction is its own separate diagnosis, she treats people who come in with problematic sexual behavior similarly to a clinician who does believes sexual addiction is valid. For example:

• Assess for other mental health conditions
• Engage in behavioral analysis of the sexual behavior they are concerned about
• Then treat them with shame reduction work and ACT

Final Thoughts

She agrees that people struggle with sexual behavior sometimes.

Dr. Prause thinks we should help them get a handle on the things they find to be a problem.

She does not believe in using a 12-step model or forced abstinence.

My personal take is that she believes that what some of us would call compulsive sexual behavior disorder is not its own thing but that the same behaviors are likely a symptom of some other mental health issue.

My other take away… I don’t think she is a villain at all. She is just someone who wants us to really think critically about our work.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses? Then you should stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

The post How to Un Villain: Listening with an Open Mind first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Welcome to the next installment of our series Blocking Porn: Browsers. This is just a small piece of advice for content blocking for the top 4 most popular¹ browsers and some privacy-oriented alternative browsers.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

As always, it’s important to have a conversation about WHY content is being blocked whether it’s for your friend, your partner, or your child. Installing this software without the user’s consent isn’t just malicious, it’s illegal in some jurisdictions.

Technology can’t replace healthy communication in a relationship, it’s merely a tool to help better our lives.

Chrome

Google’s Chrome browser owns almost two-thirds of the market and has great customization options. It is available across all common desktop and mobile platforms.

There are also a few drawbacks, including Google’s constant spying on everything you’re doing, but that’s a whole different discussion.

Extensions

The easiest way to block porn in Chrome is by using extensions. Google Chrome Extension Store

These are the top two recommended blockers:

• BlockSite
• Smart Internet Porn Filter from vRate

If you sign into your browser, your extensions will sync across your desktop devices. Meaning on PC, Mac, and ChromeBook all of your extensions SHOULD work. Chrome on iOS (iPhone/iPad) doesn’t support extensions and on Android support can be spotty. We’ll cover other options for blocking pornography on mobile devices in later installments in the series.

Alternate Search Engines

You aren’t required to use Google for search, even if you use Google’s Chrome browser. If you’ve set up Bing to be your safe search engine of choice, changing the default search engine is fairly straightforward. Instructions from Google.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Safari

Safari is the default browser on Apple devices, including Mac, iPhone, and iPad. It’s not available for PC, Linux, Android, or Chromebooks.

Just like with Chrome, and the next two browsers, Safari has the ability to add extensions to add functionality, including restricting access to certain types of sites. Safari DOES support syncing extensions, bookmarks, and other settings across all supported devices.

Extensions

The top recommended extension for Safari to block pornography is Porn Blocker Plus – for Safari, available in the App Store.

Alternatively, the top extension from Google’s Chrome has been ported to Safari’s extension eco system: BlockSite.

Edge

Microsoft’s Edge browser is available on all major desktop and mobile platforms and is built on the Chromium framework. This is the same framework that underpins Google’s own Chrome browser. As such, it has excellent support for extensions, because they don’t need to be completely re-written from Chrome.

Extensions

Edge’s extensions store, which is very similar to Chrome due to their sharing the same framework, is available here. Chrome’s top content blocking extension is available on Edge as well, BlockSite.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Firefox

Firefox is a unique browser, built by the Mozilla foundation. It’s a privacy-focused browser and the developers are very transparent in their operations. And it’s available for all major desktop and mobile platforms, and just like all the others has its own extension store.

Extensions

BlockSite is here again. Mozilla also recommends Impulse Blocker by raicem.

Special Note

In an effort to prevent browser extensions from peering over your shoulder, Firefox does not allow them access in Private browser windows by default.

To ensure your extensions are enabled in in-private windows:

1. Go to the Add-ons Manager
2. Click on the 3 dots of the extension you want to enable
3. Click manage
4. In details, select Allow for “Run in Private Windows”

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

Alternative Browsers

Brave

Brave, developed by Brave Software, Inc., is a privacy oriented, chromium based browser. It will block ads and trackers by default. Brave uses the Chrome web store for extensions. They also offer their own search engine, as the default option.

Iron

Developed by German company SRWare, the Iron browser is built on the Chromium framework with privacy and security in mind. It’s available for Windows, MacOS, Linux, and Android but is missing from iOS. While content filtering is not built into Iron, extensions are available.

Opera

Another Chromium-based browser solution with a unique user interface, Opera offers a wide variety of extensions, called addons in Opera, and themes to choose from. It’s available for Windows, MacOS, Linux, ChromeOS, Android, and iOS.

Other Tips

• To avoid the temptation of circumventing controls, uninstall all other browsers from the device.
• Make sure to check the settings of any installed extensions and ensure they’re enabled for private/incognito windows.
• Be careful of extensions that don’t have a lot of reviews or downloads; the extension stores aren’t well moderated.
• To function properly, extensions MUST access all of your browsing data, be sure to check the privacy policies of all extensions to see what they do with your data.

Anecdote: While writing this article I installed a Chrome filtering extension and got hit with pop-ups that tried to redirect me to install additional, known-malicious extensions. It was blocked by my network’s filtering system so it didn’t affect me, but take heed of my warning to check reviews and download numbers before allowing extensions I didn’t mention here access to all of your browsing data.

Wrap Up

The most popular extension, by far, is BlockSite. The free version will block pornography, paid subscriptions will add additional features and may help to improve your productivity. It also offers additional installation options on desktop and mobile devices that can do more than just filter browser content. I’ll cover this more later in the series.

Whatever option you choose, it’s important to remember that this is only one piece of a much larger plan, and part of that plan is being honest and having frank discussions about the ramifications of pornography addiction in your life and the lives of those you love.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Blocking Porn: Browsers – How to Decide? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

The concept of pornography induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) has spurred movements such as NoFap, where men pledge to stop viewing pornography and masturbating to it. A quick Google or Ted Talk search will result in a number of sites or talks discussing pornography induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).

Despite there being quite a bit of support for these ideas and movements in some quarters, there is still a lack of scientific evidence that supports PIED.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Learn more about curbing your urges in our series on Blocking Porn.

The Study

A study published last year in the JMIR Public Health and Surveillance Journal by Jacob et al, was a collaboration between researchers and medical doctors that sought to study the issue.

The authors, in consultation with urologists, created a 118-item questionnaire that included demographic information, medical history, pornography consumption, masturbation frequency as well as the Cyber Pornography Addiction Test, International Index of Erectile Function and the Alcohol Use Disorders Identification test (AUDIT) which are all validated tests. The study participants were all in Denmark and Belgium and over 3400 individuals (aged 18 to 35) survey responses were used in the study. 

For me, some of the best parts of this study are the descriptive analyses. When talking about sex addiction or problematic sexual behavior, there is this assumption that we know what “normal” pornography use or masturbation is and from there can quantify abnormal. However, we really don’t have a lot of recent statistics on how much pornography people are using and how often they masturbate.  

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Pornography, Masturbation, and Erectile Dysfunction

The study found that 84.9% of the men surveyed started to masturbate between the ages of 10 and 14 years old and more than 70% of these men masturbated multiple times a week. 98.98% of these men used pornography while they masturbated. The study found that the median age that the men started to masturbate to pornography was 13-14 years old. Most of these men (over 90%) skipped to the “best parts” of the pornography during masturbation and over 80% of them stated that an average pornography/masturbation session lasted between 5 and 30 minutes. For the men in this study, it is safe to say that masturbating to pornography would be considered normal. 

Erectile Dysfunction

The study found that over 21% of the men who were sexually active experienced some degree of erectile dysfunction. There was a statistically significant relationship between erectile dysfunction and how high the person scored on the cyber pornography addiction test, meaning individuals who had higher CYPAT scores also had higher levels of ED.

From a clinical perspective, there were several interesting findings. First, 61% of individuals who were sexually active and had some ED issues reported that they never had ED issues when they were masturbating to pornography. Second, 58% of individuals who started to masturbate to pornography before they were 10 years old had more ED issues.  

Summary of Results

1. How often someone viewed pornography did not have an impact on ED
2. How often someone masturbated did not affect ED
3. There was a significant relationship between ED and Pornography Addiction (as tested with the CYPAT)
4. Individuals who started to masturbate to pornography at a very young age, at or before 10 years old, had higher rates of ED.  
5. Other factors related to ED are experiencing performance pressure, relationship issues and identified sexual orientation. 

Struggling with excessive sexual thoughts, urges, or activities that are causing you distress? Take the free, online Sexual Symptom Assessment Scale (SSAS) and get a link to share with your therapist.

For me, there are two big takeaways from this study.

The first is that viewing and masturbating to pornography is a normal behavior for men in this age category. 

The second is that starting to view and masturbate to pornography at a young age has more detrimental effects than doing so at an older age.

This study provides more support for the need to talk to children about pornography and limit their access to pornography until they are older, and it is more developmentally appropriate. 

Since this post dealt more with validating the scientific concepts behind PIED I want to leave you with an informational resource if you’re struggling: Your Brain on Porn.  

Reference:  Jacobs T, Geysemans B, Van Hal G, Glazemakers I, Fog-Poulsen K, Vermandel A, De Wachter S, De Win G Associations Between Online Pornography Consumption and Sexual Dysfunction in Young Men: Multivariate Analysis Based on an International Web-Based Survey JMIR Public Health Surveillance Journal 2021;7(10):e32542 doi: 10.2196/32542

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

The post Pornography Use and Erectile Dysfunction first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Protect Children is a non-governmental not-for-profit organization, based out of Finland that recently published the results of their survey related to the ReDirection Project which looked at CSAM on the Dark Web. 

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Article originally appeared on the Mitigation Aide Research Archive on June 23, 2022.

About the ReDirection Project

The project aims to help consumers of Child Sexual Abuse Materials (CSAM) by providing them an anonymous and self-directed program designed for individuals who view CSAM. The ReDirection Project is the organization’s effort to provide primary prevention of child sexual abuse and exploitation.  

In 2020, they had two surveys on their website. The main survey, Help Us Help You, was for individuals who felt they needed some help with their CSAM production. The second survey was for those who felt they did not need help but were consuming CSAM materials. 

Preparing a sentencing report for a minor attracted person? Get the data you need, quickly, with Mitigation Aide.

• Characteristics of Male Internet Only Child Pornography Offenders
• Comparing Child Pornography Offenders to Child Contact Offenders: What’s the Difference?
• Updated Review of Online Child Pornography Offender Research

The Report about CSAM on the Dark Web

The recently published report is the result of over 8400 responses to the surveys. Survey respondents were all users of the dark web to consume CSAM materials.

The authors provide 6 main bullet point results from the survey:

1. A large number of individuals who consumed CSAM materials want to or have tried to stop using it in the past but have been unsuccessful in their attempts to stop.
2. 70% of the survey respondents stated that they had first been exposed to CSAM materials before they were 18 years old. Almost 40% were first exposed to CSAM prior to the age of 13. 
3. Almost half of the respondents (45%) view CSAM materials of girls aged 4 to 13 years old. 
4. More than half of the survey respondents have feared that their viewing of CSAM materials might lead them to a contact offense with a child. 
5. Nearly half of the survey respondents have watched actual child abuse on a livestream feed.
6. More research is needed.  As most research is conducted with individuals who are convicted of CSAM crimes, knowledge from those not arrested can be informative.  

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Learn more about Primary Prevention and its benefits in these articles:

• How to do Primary Prevention and More
• Help for Minor Attraction
• Research: CSAM on the Dark Web
• You Are Not a Monster: Review of a Long Dark Shadow
• Search: Primary Prevention on Dr. Jen’s Recovery Readings

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Specific Results of the Survey

• 70% of survey respondents first saw CSAM prior to the age of 18. Nearly 40% were under the age of 13.
• 51% first came across CSAM material by accident.
• 43% of survey respondents have been watching CSAM material for 1 to 4 weeks.
• 55% view illegal material occasionally.
• 45% view CSAM of girls between the ages of 4 and 13.
• 50% would like to stop viewing CSAM materials.
• 62% have tried to stop viewing CSAM materials at some point.
• For those who have stopped viewing CSAM, the main motivator was the negative feelings of guilt and shame.
• 45% have seen live streamed CSAM material.
• At some point in their CSAM use, 62% of respondents felt they were unable to control their use.
• 48% did not feel that their CSAM use made them afraid of a contact sexual offense.
• 56% reported that they never thought about direct sexual contact with a child after viewing CSAM.
• 63% of the CSAM users stated that they never sought direct contact with a child with the remainder seeking said contact anywhere from rarely to every time.
• About half the respondents had thought about or attempted suicide or self-harm.
• 58% never thought about telling anyone about their CSAM use.
• 54% of CSAM users stated they never had (29%) or never wanted (25%) contact with other CSAM users.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Limitations of the Study

First: it is a survey of dark web users. 

It is possible that the survey results are not generalizable to other populations. 

Second: inherent in any voluntary survey, there is the possibility that there are characteristics of those willing to take a survey that are different from those individuals who chose not to, again possibly affecting the generalizability of the results. 

The Real Value of the Study

The authors are correct in that most of our knowledge of individuals who consume CSAM materials comes from people who have been arrested for its possession. Therefore, all data misses a huge segment of people, those who are viewing the material and not getting caught. Additionally, the more we know about the consumers of CSAM, the better able we are to create prevention programs to help decrease the use of CSAM at a primary prevention level.

Reference: Insoll, T, Ovaska, A & Vaaranen-Valkonen, N. (2022).  CSAM users in the Dark Web.  https://protectchildren.fi/2021/09/23/redirection-survey-report/

Article originally appeared on the Mitigation Aide Research Archive on June 23, 2022.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

The post Research: CSAM on the Dark Web first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

For many people in early recovery from pornography addiction, a behavioral intervention they entertain is getting rid of their smart phone and going back to the dumb phone. This has caused some consternation when shopping for an old school flip phone. 

Do they even make them? If they do are they in stock or does it have to be ordered. Then, some of them still have some access to the internet. 

Update: To learn more about ways to restrict access to pornography, see the series on Blocking Porn.

The Dumb Phone in the News

In the past month, there have been a few articles in the Wall Street Journal about simple phones. 

The first article targeted parents who were not sure about getting their tween a smartphone. It is now the norm for a tween to have a smartphone and those that don’t may face some social pushback from their peers. 

Several newer phone companies have stepped up to address this gap. 

The first is the Light Phone II. This phone runs on the AT&T network. It looks like a smartphone but only allows calling and texting as well as some basic apps such as music and an alarm. 

The second option is the Gabb. This phone mimics the look of an iPhone but does not have any access to the internet, games, or social media. 

A third option is Pinwheel this phone also looks like a traditional smart phone but does not allow access to the internet or social media. In contrast, this company does allow age appropriate, nonaddictive apps. 

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

The second article targeted adults who wanted a minimalist phone.

The MuditaPure is a cellphone that can call and text but cannot access the internet, email, or take picture. The phone does not even have a color palate and is monochrome. This device will be available in November. Another option is the Light Phone that uses black and white to avoid blue light. 

Conclusion

With these new developments, there are now many more phone options for those in recovery. If you want, you can have a phone that looks like your peers’ so you can avoid the inevitable questions that come when you pull out a flip phone. 

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

The post Who Uses a Dumb Phone? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

As a therapist, how do we determine whether a pornography problem is erotic conflict or an addiction?

When I started in this field, sex addiction was not a common term. Therapists who treated sex addiction were not that prevalent, therefore you never heard about sex addiction on the news. 

Today, it’s a different story. 

You hear the term sex addiction all the time, bandied about every time there’s a celebrity sex scandal. Therapists who treat sex addiction, whether specifically trained to do so or not, are much more common now too.

The same goes for pornography addiction.

For some reason, this feels less stigmatizing to many. There are now large numbers of therapists who treat pornography addiction. There are also many new programs popping up to help men deal with their pornography addictions. These programs are often not run by a therapist or affiliated with a 12-step program, but instead created and run by independent agents or religious institutions.

The Impact of Media Discussion of Addiction

As the visibility of pornography addiction grows, the type of clients we have coming to the office have changed. In the beginning, over 8 years ago, the (predominantly) men who were coming in to address problems with pornography were men who had struggled for most of their lives with pornography use. 

They were:

• Watching more than they wanted to
• Couldn’t stop
• Were experiencing serious repercussions in
  • Their work
  • Their relationships
  • The legal system 

I would diagnose these men as pornography or, more broadly, sex addicts.

The Changing Face of Sex and Pornography Addicts: The Pornography Problem

Today, many of the men who are coming in with self-diagnosed addictions are men who look at some pornography. 

They don’t:

• Look at it a lot; once or twice a week, sometimes less
• Look at it for hours and hours on end
• Look at anything illegal
• Often look at any pornography that is more “hardcore” 

Their pornography use is usually causing a conflict in their relationship. These are not men that I would diagnose with a pornography addiction, but they call themselves pornography addicts.

So, are these men who come in pornography addicts? Or are they men who are experiencing an erotic conflict?

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

What is an Erotic Conflict?

And how do we know what type of pornography problem it is

An erotic conflict is experienced by a person who is engaging in, or fantasizing about, a sexual behavior that conflicts with his or her moral values or religious values. 

For example, a person who is attracted to sex with the same sex might experience an erotic conflict because their religious beliefs tell them that same sex attraction is wrong. Therefore, their behavior conflicts with their religious beliefs. 

A person who uses escorts might be experiencing an erotic conflict because breaking the law is against their personal moral values. 

A man who is watching pornography occasionally, a few times a month, might feel as though he has a sexual addiction or pornography addiction because his religious beliefs tell him that lust and pornography are bad. Therefore, he equates any use of pornography with addiction.

What does the DSM-V say about the Pornography Problem?

There is no DSM-V definition of sexual addiction or pornography addiction but we can extrapolate the criteria from drug and alcohol and gambling addictions. These are all use disorders in the DSM-V. This means that someone who is a pornography addict would experience at least two of the following issues: 

• Watching pornography more often than they intended and for longer periods of time than intended
• An inability to stop watching pornography
• Spending a lot of time creating opportunities to watch pornography
• Craving pornography use
• Failure to fulfill obligations at work, home or school due to using pornography
• Continuing to use pornography even after interpersonal problems resulting from use
• Social isolation due to pornography use
• The need for more pornography or more intense pornography to get the same feeling and difficulties when they try to stop using pornography or can’t access it

Here is my plea to clinicians and to society as well:

Can we please be more discerning in diagnosing sexual and pornography addiction?

What happens when we over diagnose pornography addiction?

1. We never get to the underlying issue. If someone is actually experiencing an erotic conflict, they may never get to the root of the issue. They may work a 12-step abstinence model and therefore condemn any experiences of lust as bad or problematic. This can place moral good or bad judgements on sexual behavior, in other words more psychological harm if the client continues to engage in the behavior. It can shame the normal biological process of attraction by labeling it as lust. It may prevent the client from learning about healthy sexuality and what truly arouses and attracts them. Ultimately, they may never work through the conflict between their body and their beliefs to a healthy resolution.
2. We cause more shame. Though being a pornography addict is less shameful than it used to be, being named an addict will create very shameful thoughts for most people. This shame must be worked through when the person actually has an addiction. When the person is mislabeled, it can cause more shame and isolation than necessary. This adds to the “I’m a bad person” thoughts the pornography consumer might have for looking at pornography.
3. We trivialize sexual addiction. The therapeutic community and, often, the media hotly debate whether sexual or pornography addictions are “real.” The con side often uses the argument that those who support the idea of sexual addiction are religious conservatives who are condemning normal sexual practices. When someone with an erotic conflict, often based on religious beliefs, is diagnosed with an addiction, this reinforces the argument that we are trying to morally dictate sexual practices and label them addictions

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

The Takeaways

My goal here and in my practice is not to condemn or judge. We all have our own set of values that we would like to live by. 

My plea is that we, both clinicians and consumers, really look at the behavior: Is the client presenting in your office who uses pornography an addict or someone with an erotic conflict? The treatment is different.

If they have an erotic conflict, the work is to process through the beliefs, sexuality and the conflict to come to a resolution that fits the client’s moral and personal compass. 

If the client is an addict, the treatment will likely follow a more traditional addiction model with 12-step attendance, abstinence from certain behaviors and recovery work.

I leave you with my plea again: CAN WE PLEASE BE MORE DISCERNING IN DIAGNOSING SEXUAL AND PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION?

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Pornography Problem: Erotic Conflict or Addiction? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Anyone who has heard me lecture or has been a client of my practice knows how concerned I am about how our culture shames sex and sexuality.

The sex addicts I work with have such an enormous sense of shame about their addiction.

Their partners have their own sense of shame about being in a relationship with a sex addict.

Our culture shames sexuality… All. The. Time.

Media Portrayals

I have become more and more uncomfortable about how the media is handling the topic of pornography use among adolescents.

If you do a Google search about kids looking at pornography the predominant language is “caught.”

My hope is that when a parent discovers that his or her child has viewed online pornography, they do not view the incident as “caught,” but that they can understand that this is a normative behavior and talk to their child in that context.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

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“’Caught’ your child looking at pornography?”

“What to do if you catch your child watching porn.”

Implied in the word “catch,” in this context, is the idea that someone is doing something wrong or deceptive. Some might say that I am being overly sensitive to the use of this word, but I don’t think that I am. Here’s why.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

Creating Shame

When working with my sexually addicted clients, we always talk about what happened if anyone (mostly parents) ever found them looking at pornography or masturbating.

The language of “caught” always comes up:

• “Mom caught me masturbating.”
• “Dad caught me looking at pornography.”

The act of being “caught” produced shame and embarrassment in the majority of my clients. The next thing we always talk about is the reaction of the person who “caught” them.

Most of the time the “catcher” was reactive, said something negative or did not respond well. My clients frequently garnered one message from this interaction:

Sex is shameful and embarrassing.

It becomes internalized as: “There must be something wrong with me if I am engaging in this behavior.”

From that point on, shame has entered their sense of sexuality. If I am ashamed of something, I will keep it secret.

Shame and secrets are two of the hallmarks of sexual addiction.

In today’s digital world, if we “catch” a teen looking at pornography online, we are “catching” a normative behavior.

Viewing pornography for many adolescents is a part of their sexual exploration. Access and availability have made online pornography a venue for sexual exploration and sex education.

If we use shaming language with our children or shame them for engaging in something normative, we are fusing sex and shame together. This fusion has the potential to lead to trouble in the future.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Parents Can’t Just Look the Other Way

Just because online pornography viewing is a normative adolescent behavior does not mean that it is not without problems. It is not the best venue for sex education.

It is often in conflict with a family’s religious or moral beliefs. Frequent consumption can also alter beliefs about sex, objectification of women and ideas about consent.

My hope is that when a parent discovers that his or her child has viewed online pornography, they do not view the incident as “caught,” but that they can understand that this is a normative behavior and talk to their child in that context.

As a parent, you should discuss:

• How the behavior is, perhaps, in direct conflict with the family religious beliefs
• How pornography can distort ideas about healthy sexuality and connection
• Sex education in an open way

This can all be done in a manner that does not make the child feel wrong, sinful, dirty or perverted for having watched pornography.

The work of not shaming sexuality in teens is the work of the parents. This is prevention. Where there is no shame, there are no secrets.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Caught your kid looking at porn? How we shame children first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.