Introduction: The Hidden Cost of Gaming

For hundreds of millions of people, video games are a favorite pastime. A source of entertainment, social connection, and challenging fun. The common view is that it’s a widespread and generally harmless hobby. But as with any deeply engaging activity, there’s a potential for a downside. New research is revealing that this downside can extend directly into our wallets in the form of a gaming disorder.

A study published in the journal Addictive Behaviors has uncovered a powerful, and often overlooked, link between problematic gaming behaviors and significant financial consequences.

The findings challenge common assumptions about who is at risk. And they highlight a major gap in how we officially define and screen for gaming disorder. 

Have you ever logged off after a gaming session and felt you spent more money than you should have? The results of this study suggest that for some, that feeling is a sign of a much larger issue. Here are four surprising truths about the financial risks of Gaming Disorder.

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The Link Between Gaming Disorder and Overspending is Staggering

The core finding of the study is impossible to ignore: there is a massive correlation between being at risk for Gaming Disorder (GD) and overspending on gaming-related activities.

The research found individuals identified as being at risk for GD had 6-9x higher odds of reporting overspending.

The gap between those at risk for GD and those who are not is stark. The study’s data reveals a consistent pattern of overspending across different categories:

• Purchasing Games: 76% of at-risk individuals reported overspending, versus only 24% of those not at risk.
• In-Game Purchases: 73% of at-risk individuals reported overspending, compared to just 24% of those not at risk.
• Esports Betting: 63.5% of at-risk individuals reported overspending, versus a mere 13% of those not at risk.

This isn’t a minor or incidental issue.

The data shows that for those struggling with the behavioral patterns of Gaming Disorder, significant overspending is not an exception but a common, defining feature of their experience. It’s important to note, however, that the study measured players’ perception of overspending. Future research is needed to quantify the link to actual financial hardship or debt.

It’s Not Just a Problem for Young People

A persistent stereotype frames problematic gaming as an issue exclusive to teenagers and young adults. While the study confirmed that younger people reported higher rates of overspending, it also found that a “non-negligible proportion” of older adults are also impacted. 

Specifically, the research showed that between 4% and 9% of adults aged 66 and older reported various types of game-related overspending. This finding is particularly concerning for this demographic.

As the study’s authors discuss, older adults often rely on fixed incomes from pensions or savings, which limits their ability to absorb financial losses. The source identifies further vulnerabilities, noting that “technological illiteracy and susceptibility to scams further exacerbate the risks for older adults,” making this a cross-generational concern that demands attention.

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Official Definitions of Gaming Disorder Overlook the Financial Damage

Despite the study’s clear evidence linking Gaming Disorder to serious financial issues, overspending is not currently part of the official diagnostic criteria from major health organizations.

Diagnostic frameworks like the World Health Organization’s ICD-11, and the screening tools like the Gaming Disorder Identification Test, focus on impairments in personal, social, or health-related areas. They largely omit the potential for financial harm as a key symptom or consequence. As the researchers state in their discussion: 

“Our findings highlight that overspending is integral to GD, yet it is absent from diagnostic frameworks such as ICD-11 and DSM-5.”

This omission is critical.

The data reveals staggering rates of overspending (Truth #1) that affect even vulnerable older populations (Truth #2).

However, the very tools used to identify the disorder are blind to what may be its primary financial symptom. As a result, we may be under-identifying individuals for whom financial distress is the most significant negative consequence.

The Line Between Gaming and Gambling is Blurring

The study uncovered a significant relationship between Gaming Disorder and overspending on betting with real money on video games, also known as esports betting. The researchers describe this convergence of gaming and gambling as a “concerning” trend. 

This blur is not limited to betting.

The study also notes the role of gambling-like mechanics built directly into games, such as loot boxes. These features use a “chance-based reward structure” that, as the source notes, can “foster compulsive spending and addiction-like behaviours.”

These in-game mechanics can prime users for the more explicit gambling behaviors seen in esports betting. It makes the convergence even more seamless and risky. 

This finding underscores a growing need for greater awareness. The study’s authors call for specific, concrete actions, including “regulatory and harm minimization strategies such as spending limits, and educational initiatives to inform gamers about the risks” inherent in these evolving financial systems within games. 

Conclusion: Rethinking the Risks

The key takeaway from this research is clear. The financial consequences of Gaming Disorder are a significant, underappreciated, and integral aspect of the condition.

These risks affect a wider range of people than is commonly believed. They are driven by an industry where lines between entertainment and finance are becoming increasingly blurred. 

For clinicians, policymakers, and gamers themselves, these findings show that financial behaviors should be a key part of the conversation around healthy gaming. Recognizing overspending not just as a bad habit, but as a potential indicator of a deeper problem, is the first step toward better assessment and support. 

How can we better recognize the warning signs of financial harm in ourselves and others? What can we do as the worlds of gaming and finance become more intertwined?

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Are you exploring your trauma? Do you feel your childhood experiences were detrimental to your current mental or physical health? Utilize this free, validated, self-report questionnaire to find out.

Take the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Questionnaire

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

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The Four-Year Silence: 5 Surprising Truths About the Path to Gambling Recovery

When we think of gambling recovery, or any kind of addiction recovery, we often picture a dramatic “rock bottom” moment: a single, catastrophic event that forces a person to finally seek help.

While this makes for a compelling narrative, the reality is often quieter, slower, and much more complex. For individuals struggling with problem gambling, the journey from awareness to action is a long, hidden descent. 

A new Canadian study published in Addictive Behaviors pulls back the curtain on this private struggle. By interviewing 65 adults currently in treatment for problem gambling, researchers mapped the winding road people travel from first realization to the point they finally reach out for gambling recovery support. 

This article distills the most impactful and surprising findings from that research. It reveals the triggers, the timelines, and the overlooked patterns that define the hidden journey of problem gambling, offering crucial insights for individuals, their families, and the professionals trying to help them. 

On Average, There’s A Four-Year Gap Between Awareness and Starting Gambling Recovery

One of the most significant findings from the study is the stark delay between realizing their gambling is harmful and when they first attempt to get help or limit their behavior.

The research identified a time lag of just under four years between these two critical events.

This four-year silence is not just a statistic. It represents a prolonged period of active struggle. It’s not simply passive suffering.

Researchers suggest this gap is often filled with shame, secrecy, and desperate attempts to fix the problem. People often use the very behavior causing the issues: trying to recoup losses. This tendency to chase a “big win” to solve mounting debt can exacerbate financial and emotional harms. It can postpone any cry for help until a crisis becomes unavoidable.

The study also revealed that this journey can differ across demographics, noting that men, on average, reported recognizing their gambling problems and trying to address them earlier than women. 

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The Tipping Point for Gambling Recovery Is Almost Always Financial 

The study pinpointed the specific triggers that cause a person to first recognize their gambling is a problem and, later, to finally seek help. In both instances, one trigger stood out above all others: money. 

Financial problems were the most common catalyst for both awareness and action. The data revealed: 

• 40% of participants cited financial problems as the very first sign they noticed that their gambling was becoming harmful. 
• 77% of participants said financial problems were the “tipping point” that ultimately caused them to try and limit their gambling.

This reliance on a financial crisis helps explain the “four-year silence”; the problem often isn’t perceived as real until it has a tangible, dollars-and-cents impact. For many, the abstract harms of addiction—such as emotional distress or lost time—are not enough to prompt action. This suggests that public health messaging focused solely on emotional well-being may be less effective than interventions that highlight the tangible financial risks of unchecked gambling. 

The First Call for Help Isn’t to a Doctor, It’s to a Friend 

When individuals finally decide to break their silence, they don’t typically start with a formal treatment program. The study mapped the typical order in which people seek support, revealing a clear pattern that begins with their closest connections. 

The first source of help is usually informal: friends and family. This was the most common first step for participants in the study. In stark contrast, the last resort identified was formal, in-person counseling from a religious figure like a pastor or priest. While loved ones are the first line of defense, the study suggests they may lack the specialized knowledge to be the most effective, as their helpfulness was ranked 6th out of 11 options. This highlights the immense pressure placed on these informal relationships to manage a complex clinical issue. 

What Makes a Strategy “Helpful” Is Highly Specific 

The research found that there is no single “best” way to address problem gambling. Instead, participants found different strategies to be helpful for very distinct and specific reasons. The unique benefits of each approach were clear: 

• Friends and Family: Were uniquely helpful for instrumental support, particularly for managing money (e.g., holding bank cards for the individual). 
• Professional In-Person Counselling: Stood out for its effectiveness in helping people understand and cope with their emotions. 
• Gamblers Anonymous (GA): Was specifically noted by participants for its accessibility, offering both in-person and online meetings. 
• Self-Exclusion Programs: Were effective primarily because of the perceived consequences of being caught violating the ban. 

The power of consequences in self-exclusion was vividly illustrated by one participant’s experience: 

“…knowing that I would be escorted out, or even charged with trespassing was a deterrent.” (61-year-old man) 

From an analyst’s perspective, this means a “one-size-fits-all” approach to treatment is bound to fail. Effective support requires a diagnostic approach that matches a person’s specific deficits—be it emotional regulation, financial control, or simply access to support—with the appropriate tool. 

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As professionals, our time is valuable. Dr. Weeks created the Mitigation Aide Research Archive because there isn’t enough focused, data-backed research available in easily digestible formats.

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Gambling Recovery is Hard: Addiction Can Play “Whack-a-Mole” 

The study confirmed a strong connection between problem gambling and other behavioral health issues. Over half of the participants (51%) felt their gambling was “definitely linked” to mental health or substance use problems. The research reinforces that gambling is often a maladaptive coping strategy for underlying distress. 

The most surprising finding in this area, however, revealed a critical blind spot in the treatment system. Among participants who had previously sought treatment for substance use, their gambling problems often emerged concurrently with those treatment episodes. This suggests a predictable “addiction substitution” effect. When an individual’s primary coping mechanism (e.g., substances) is removed without addressing the underlying need to cope, they may swap it for another, like gambling. It indicates that individuals receiving specialized care for one addiction may be developing a serious gambling problem at the same time, yet screening for problem gambling in these settings is rare.

Closing the Gap Between Silence and Support 

The four-year silence is not a void; it is a space filled with shame, misguided attempts to win back losses, and a problem that remains invisible until it devastates a bank account. It ends not with a doctor, but with a confession to a friend. The path to recovery for problem gambling is longer, more complex, and more hidden than many of us realize.  

Understanding this predictable, hidden path is the first step in dismantling it. And the first step towards gambling recovery.

By illuminating this reality, we can better support those who are struggling. Knowing this hidden journey and its triggers, how can friends, family, and healthcare professionals better create safety nets to ensure that the four-year silence doesn’t have to be the norm? 

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses? Then you should stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

The post 5 Surprising Truths About the Path to Gambling Recovery first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Fawcett give a presentation on Sex Under the Influence at the 2023 IITAP conference. 

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It was one of the more enjoyable discussions I caught while at the conference. He has a vast amount of experience working with dual chemical and sexual addictions. He is very clearly passionate about helping people work through these issues. 

So, when he published a book on the subject, I was eager to read it.   

Sex Under the Influence is aimed at Individuals

While this book’s target audience is individuals who are struggling with sexualized drug use, it will also be useful to clinicians who are not as familiar with the pairing of sex and drugs in a compulsive manner. 

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Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

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The first chapter does a nice job with the following points:

• What sexualized drug use is
• How people use sex and drugs together and why
• The biology of the addictive process and the consequences when pairing sex and drugs gets out of hand

Chapter 2 is either a nice primer or recap about what addiction is and how it can be experienced by people. 

Chapter 3 looks at addictive behaviors in a variety of demographic groups. 

I really enjoyed this chapter. It did something few books on addiction do: it discussed what addiction can look like for men, women, and transgender individuals. 

We know from the scientific literature that men and women experience addiction differently both socially and biologically. Dr. Fawcett also discussed how addiction may differ based on one’s sexual orientation. 

An entire chapter looking at the diversity of the addictive process was appreciated.  

Recovery Tools from Sex Under the Influence

Starting in Chapter 5, the book provides tools and information for recovery. For clinician’s reading this book, particularly those who are trained in treating problematic sexual behavior, a lot of this work will be familiar. 

For people struggling with addiction who are thinking about or entering into recovery, the second half of the book provides valuable tools such as:

• The three-circle exercise
• Emotion regulations tools
• Relapse prevention planning

Subsequent chapters delve into the long-term process of recovery. It implicitly and explicitly acknowledges this is a long-term or lifelong process. 

Recovery, particularly from issues with sexuality, require us to deepen connections. It requires us to delve into intimacy and our own sexuality.   

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My Favorite Part

One of the things I particularly like about Sex Under the Influence is the author’s discussion of harm reduction. 

So often, recovery is seen as an abstinence-only model and harm reduction is not discussed. 

Abstinence-only models can drive away those thinking about recovery but feel full abstinence is impossible. 

Additionally, abstinence-only models often are not realistic for problematic sexual behavior. Sexuality is part of who we are as humans. 

The author spends a chapter discussing harm reduction and how it can be applied to sexualized drug use.

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Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

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Last Monday, I received screenshots of a game my client was playing, but it wasn’t a traditional game. He indulged in the ever-expanding genre of pornographic video games.

Some of you who read my blog regularly may know, a person on federal supervised release for an internet crime of a sexual nature must have monitoring software on their devices.

The software blocks you from sites based on probation regulations and takes screenshots of what they’re doing. When one of my clients looks at questionable things, their probation officer will contact me and send me screenshots of the content.

I’m Not Going to Moralize About Pornographic Video Games

Nor will I discuss whether or not this is an appropriate expression of sexuality for people whom partnered sex is not an option. This is just a, “Hey it’s out there if you didn’t know about it,” post.

Adult video gaming is legal and the people playing them are making a conscious choice to do so.

So why does it matter? In my work, it matters for a few reasons.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Pornographic Video Games and

Adolescents

We all know that most kids today game. It is super common and can be as much of a lifestyle as a hobby to kill some time. Games have come a long way from the Frogger of my youth.

Adult video games can be problematic for youth the same as pornography.

Physical and emotional development of teens does not happen along the same trajectory. Bodies might find these games exciting, but minds don’t always know how to process what goes on.

In most pornographic video games, as in pornography, there is not a discussion of consent, boundaries, or anything else. And the themes or topics are similar to pornography.

I braved a google search and adult video games are promoting themes like anal sex with your stepsister and sex with your stepmom the same as live pornography is.

Not the best themes for a growing mind to be masturbating to.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

Individuals with Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB)

Pornographic video games can fall into a grey area for those with pornography addictions or PSB.

They are not pornography, as many will define it in terms of live humans, but it still falls into the category of sex acts or simulated sex acts.

Using adult video games may be a gray area that a person struggling with pornography addiction can use as a means to act out while thinking they are not violating their bottom-line behaviors.

Individuals on Supervised Release

Playing these games could be a violation of the stipulations of supervision for individuals on probation, parole, or federal supervised release for crimes of a sexual nature.

Many of these probation stipulations prohibit viewing pornography. I’ve found most probation/parole officers consider adult video games to be pornography.

Playing pornographic video games and not disclosing it could cause problems with supervision and result in a freedom-losing violation.

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See the latest research on criminality related to social media:

• Social Anxiety and Loneliness in Online Solicitation Offenders

See more articles related to social media

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What’s the Lesson About Pornographic Video Games?

For me, it was to be more specific. My client had permission to play video games. We had worked on that, and it was approved by treatment and probation. Clearly, I needed to be more specific about what types of video games were okay to play.

I needed to have more conversations about exactly what was okay to do and what was not.

Again, not here to have a philosophical discussion about adult sex games. I want to help our guys stay compliant with their conditions.

What’s the Lesson for Non-Supervised Folks?

Particularly if you are a parent of a gaming adolescent, you need to know what games your child is playing.

Be involved in their lives. Ask about their gaming. Ask if they have seen or played these games. Talk about it.

If your child is a gamer and young, learn how to block those sites or games from their gaming device.

Ultimately, the lesson is to be aware.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Pornographic Video Games and Sexuality first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

For many people in early recovery from pornography addiction, a behavioral intervention they entertain is getting rid of their smart phone and going back to the dumb phone. This has caused some consternation when shopping for an old school flip phone. 

Do they even make them? If they do are they in stock or does it have to be ordered. Then, some of them still have some access to the internet. 

Update: To learn more about ways to restrict access to pornography, see the series on Blocking Porn.

The Dumb Phone in the News

In the past month, there have been a few articles in the Wall Street Journal about simple phones. 

The first article targeted parents who were not sure about getting their tween a smartphone. It is now the norm for a tween to have a smartphone and those that don’t may face some social pushback from their peers. 

Several newer phone companies have stepped up to address this gap. 

The first is the Light Phone II. This phone runs on the AT&T network. It looks like a smartphone but only allows calling and texting as well as some basic apps such as music and an alarm. 

The second option is the Gabb. This phone mimics the look of an iPhone but does not have any access to the internet, games, or social media. 

A third option is Pinwheel this phone also looks like a traditional smart phone but does not allow access to the internet or social media. In contrast, this company does allow age appropriate, nonaddictive apps. 

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

The second article targeted adults who wanted a minimalist phone.

The MuditaPure is a cellphone that can call and text but cannot access the internet, email, or take picture. The phone does not even have a color palate and is monochrome. This device will be available in November. Another option is the Light Phone that uses black and white to avoid blue light. 

Conclusion

With these new developments, there are now many more phone options for those in recovery. If you want, you can have a phone that looks like your peers’ so you can avoid the inevitable questions that come when you pull out a flip phone. 

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

The post Who Uses a Dumb Phone? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

I read Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts for several reasons: 

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The first is that we sometimes have individuals referred to us for potential sexual addiction who have intrusive sexual thoughts. Frequently these individuals are not dealing with a problematic sexual behavior, but intrusive sexual thoughts and we refer them out to a great area clinician who specializes in treating Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 

Second, we do have a lot of clients who have some version of intrusive thoughts. So, I thought: the more I could learn about it, the better.

The subtitle of the book is A CBT based guide to getting over frightening, obsessive or disturbing thoughts. 

My initial assumption was that the book was going to more traditionally CBT focused, but I did not find it so. It reads more like a book that is advocating some level of mindfulness-based practice. 

This is perfect for me as we often use this in our practice. 

One helpful part of this book is how much it normalizes intrusive thoughts. Many people have thoughts that pop into their heads that are about violence, sexualized content or doing or engaging in what the author calls “disgusting” acts. 

Anytime we can work to reduce shame it is a great thing! 

Struggling with excessive sexual thoughts, urges, or activities that are causing you distress? Take the free, online Sexual Symptom Assessment Scale (SSAS) and get a link to share with your therapist.

The Six Steps to Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts

I want to focus this review on the authors six steps to reduce distress over a thought. They are very mindfulness based and are also extremely applicable to dealing with urges and cravings in any type of addiction. 

The steps are: 

Recognize

The first step is to just recognize that an intrusive thought is just a thought. To adapt this to addiction recovery, a craving is just a craving. We can recognize it for what it is. That means we pause and label it. Thought. Craving, etc.

Just Thoughts

The next step is to remind oneself that it is just a thought or craving. 

Accept and Allow

From there we Accept and Allow the thought or craving. The author says that this means we actively allow the thoughts to be there. We don’t act on it, but we also do not need to give the thoughts or cravings attention. For example, someone in recovery might say to themselves, this is just a craving.

Float and Feel

The Float and Feel step requires perhaps a bit more explanation. The author says to float above the fray and allow the feelings to just stay there. This is described as an attitude of “non-active, non-urgent, non-effortful observation.” This is also called the Wise Mind. Float and Feel is to passively allow the thought or craving to be and not engage with it. 

Let Time Pass

Perhaps one of the hardest steps is to just let time pass. This is to learn to sit with the feelings that come up and not try to immediately do something to get rid of them. Recognize that a thought or a craving is just a false message from our brain. 

Proceed

The last step is to Proceed or just keep going. Continue with whatever it was that you were doing. 

Of course, as with most difficult things we need to change, this process is much easier said than done.  These steps take time to learn and even more time to master.  A good first step is to just be able to recognize a thought or a craving and label it for what it is. I am having a craving.  I am just going to try to sit with it as long as I can without judging it.  Thoughts and cravings pass.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

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Conclusion

Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts is a nice primer to help individuals start to understand their intrusive thoughts. 

It also helps them come to understand if the thoughts are simply intrusive thoughts or indicative of something else, such as OCD, that might require professional help to master.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Book Review: Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Rob Weiss’s latest contribution to the recovery community is his book, Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency. 

This book, and the philosophy of prodependence are an alternate take on the idea of codependency that has been rampant in the addiction recovery movement for decades. 

What is Codependency?

Codependence has been defined as “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition, such as an addiction” (Merriam-Webster). 

In the recovery community the spouse, partner or family of someone suffering from an addiction is often labeled a codependent. 

This term came into the recovery lexicon in the 1980’s and became part of everyday language. 

A codependency diagnosis was rejected by the APA for the inclusion into the DSM but the “diagnosis” has persisted and there are 12 step meetings for Codependents (CODA). 

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

How is Prodependence Different from Codependency?

Rob Weiss proposes the the concept of Prodependence. He, and other therapists, believe codependence is not helpful to family members. 

Family members, loved ones, or care givers of addicts, in the codependency model, are often told they’re part of the problem. However, they’re just trying to cope with a very difficult situation. 

Prodependence is a term to describe “attachment relationships that are healthfully interdependent, where one person’s strengths support the vulnerabilities of another and vice versa, with this mutual support occurring automatically and without question.” (p53.) 

Rob prefers this concept as it celebrates a loved one’s desire to help the addict in their life without shame or blame.

Distancing from the term ‘enabling’

Prodependence looks at the behaviors of those around the addict as attempts to maintain or restore healthy attachment.

Not as enabling. 

Treating prodependence is similar to treating co-dependence in terms of encouraging healthy boundaries and self care. 

However, it differs by being a strength based, attachment driven model that values loved ones of an addict.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

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Kindness and Empathy, Not Shaming

Another key idea behind prodependence, is that an addict has an attachment disorder and needs healthy attachment to truly heal. 

Encouraging prodependence, treating addicts and their loved ones with kindness, empathy and respect, can help repair attachment traumas. 

Intimacy Versus Codependency

Another difference between prodependence and codependence is looking at addiction as an intimacy disorder. In opposition to tough love, intimacy disorders are treated with the pursuit of healthy, intimate and ongoing connection.

While suggesting that codependence may be an outdated concept is risky, it doesn’t feel groundbreaking. Prodependence feels like the natural conclusion when you consider what we’ve learned about attachment, intimacy and shame.

As Johann Hari suggests in his TED Talk, “What if all we were taught about addiction is wrong?” 

Perhaps, instead, we should treat addicts and their loved ones without shame and blame. We might get farther modeling healthy attachment, boundaries, compassion, and empathy instead.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency – Book Review first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Respected psychotherapist Enod Gray has released Neglect: The Silent Abuser, an excellent primer for recognizing and learning to heal from the consequences of childhood neglect.

Most Don’t or Can’t Identify Childhood Neglect

Most people who come to therapy can recognize overt abuse. Overt abuse is abuse that is obvious to the person or a form of abuse that is easily recognizable. 

For example, physical or sexual abuse, though frequently minimized, are often identified as abuse. 

Verbal abuse people can, sometimes, have more difficulty recognizing. But, again, this type of abuse tends to be more overt. Think of a parent who also calls their child names or humiliates them consistently.

But What About Childhood Neglect?

Neglect is something most people have a harder time identifying. 

Most people think more overt neglect, such as growing up lacking food, safe shelter, etc. Neglect most often brings forth thoughts of physical neglect. 

Most people don’t immediately think of emotional neglect when they are asked about it, because, frequently, it’s not overt or consciously done. It’s also a form of neglect that is easy to minimize or rationalize. 

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Take the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Questionnaire

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What is Emotional Childhood Neglect?

For example, if you grew up in a household with a parent with a mental illness, you may not have received the emotional care and nurturing you needed. However, this neglect was not consciously or intentionally done. It would have been a consequence of the parent’s mental illness and not, necessarily, consciously done. 

As another example, if you grew up in a household with a sibling with a physical disability, this likely took up most of your parents’ time and energy. Likely there was some unintentional neglect in this family system. One family member needed more time and energy, therefore the children without those more overt needs are assumed to be just fine.

Addiction and Neglect

Addiction in one or both parents can also result in childhood neglect. If a parent is struggling with addiction, they won’t be able to meet their child’s needs for nurturance. 

Frequently, we therapists also see neglect in families where one parent is a workaholic. 

Again, this neglect is not something consciously done. It’s often justified by providing the children with all the material goods and experiences they could wish for. Unfortunately, children more often need time, not stuff.

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Vignettes of Childhood Neglect

Neglect: The Silent Abuser does a nice job of discussing the topic and its effect on our adult behavior. It does so at a cursory, but understandable level. 

The factual information is nicely complemented by stories of clients of the author.

Often, it is these client vignettes that are most relatable to readers. 

Light on Solutions

After addressing the process of neglect, Ms. Gray provides guidelines and thoughts on how to address the struggles of adults who grew up with neglect. 

In this section of the book, I found myself wishing for more “meat.” 

The thoughts and ideas are brief overviews of ways to help healing such as journaling, yoga, EMDR, and other forms of therapy. 

Though wished for more tools for healing from this book, it is perfectly suited to those new to the concept of neglect as abuse in their own childhood. It feels like a primer for someone just starting their journey into recovery from neglect. 

It also provides an excellent array of resources for further investigation. I would recommend this book to a client who wants a quick and easy read to serve as an introduction to the concept of neglect and the road to healing.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post How to Heal from Childhood Neglect: A Book Review first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

I was asked to teach the graduate human sexuality course last fall at the Moravian Theological Seminary. I was on the hunt for new books for the course and Sex, God & the Conservative Church:  Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy, by Tina Schermer Sellers, Ph.D. fit the bill. 

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Because this course was being taught at a seminary, I needed to at least touch on religion and sex. I found this book at the AASECT conference. 

Once I started to read the book I thought “WHERE HAS THIS BOOK BEEN ALL MY CLINICAL LIFE?”

Faith and Sex Addiction Treatment

As someone whose primary clinical practice involves issues related to sexuality (Sex addiction, sexual offending and other problematic sexual behavior), issues of faith are frequently brought into the treatment room.

It seems, that for many, faith and sex are intertwined. 

As someone who is not a Christian counselor, I didn’t always have the perspective or language to help some clients work through this as much as I could have. 

This book is an exceptional resource for clinicians, clients, or church groups!

Sex, God & the Conservative Church takes the reader first through a journey of the history of how sexuality and faith became derailed. 

Of particular interest to me, working with sexual addiction, was her discussion of Saint Augustine, who she labeled a sexually troubled soul. This is of interest to me as one of the main 12 step fellowship groups for sex addiction is Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). This fellowship is an Augustine Fellowship, named after the saint.

“While Augustine offered much that was foundational in the formation of Christian Theology, sexual desire and his own desire for women, which he was never able to completely escape, tortured him until the end.  His legacy of shame, fear of the body, and suspicion of its desire is with us today” p 33-34

The author suggests that a great deal of the root of sexual shame that Christians struggle with is rooted in his teachings.  I find it ironic, or perhaps a bit upsetting, that one of the main 12 step fellowships for recovery from sexual addiction is rooted in sexual shame.

Once past the history, the book delves into tangible ways to help people heal from their sexual shame and pursue sex positive messages from God and a sex positive Gospel.  Dr. Schermer Sellers frames the healing of sexual shame in a four-step process which will be very helpful for all people who are struggling with sexual shame, not just those that identify as Christian.

1. Frame – provide sexual education to a client that they did not receive
2. Name – help the client get their story heard by someone important to them.
3. Claim – the client works to accept and own their body as a wonderful unique thing to undo the harmful messages inherited from religion and culture
4. Aim – help the client write a new story of what they believe and what their legacy is to become.

Another aspect of this book that I really enjoy is the authors emphasis on normalizing childhood sexuality and the need for real, accurate and frequent sexual education being taught to children.  When families do not talk about sex and sexuality to children, they often assume it is something to be kept secret.  Worse yet is when a parent or care giver overtly shames a child for expressing normal sexual behavior or curiosity.  This can create a go to thought process of sex being dirty and bad.  If I (the child) have a sexual thought or feeling, I must be bad. Those of us who do this work know that so much of the struggle is rooted in shame and secrets.  If we normalize and teach children about healthy sexuality we can erase the shame that is often at the core of sexual problems.  To again quote the author:

“A culture that shames children for normal sexual expression plants seeds that manifest themselves in adult life in the form of disturbances in relationship, libido, and sexuality.  Sexual shame can sever the experience of sensual pleasure in a deep, loving attachment because it eclipses the person’s ability to feel seen, known, loved and accepted with and through their sensual body.  “ p. 106

I don’t think I can express strongly enough how wonderful this book is.  It should be a required reading for anyone who works with clients who struggle with sexual issues, be they sex therapists, sex educators or sex addiction therapists.  One of my strongly held beliefs is that we have to be sex positive in our work and not perpetuate sexual shame in our clients (see previous writing on being a sex positive sex addiction therapist).  Learning to integrate a sex positive Gospel for those of the Christian faith will go a long way to reduce sexual shame and reduce problematic sexual behavior.

For more information on Dr. Jennifer Weeks and her practice, head over to Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.  

The post Book Review: Sex, God, and the Conservative Church first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

So far in our series of articles we have talked about finding a good attorney and a good therapist.  The next step in the process is to talk to your attorney about a psychosexual evaluation.  In most states and in Federal cases, the prosecution will have you undergo an evaluation with a therapist who works either for or on behalf of the state, county or Federal government. It is normally always a good idea to have one done by a psychologist who is not working for the organization that is prosecuting you.

First, what is a psychosexual evaluation?  The evaluation is comprised of an interview with a psychologist, a lot of psychological testing and a review of all forensic documents related to your case.  What tests you take often depends on the clinician who is doing the evaluation.  These objective measures will test for factors that may have both influenced your committing the crime you are accused of and may influence you to commit the crime again.  For example, you will likely do some type of personality test to see if you have any mental health diagnoses that influenced your crime such as depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder, etc.  You will also likely be asked to take some test that will assess your likelihood of having a substance abuse problem, as this is sometimes correlated with certain types of crimes.

How do you find the right person to conduct the psychosexual evaluation?  If you have an attorney, he or she may have a psychologist that they work with closely and will refer you to that person.  If you are looking for this person on your own, there are a few things you should be on the lookout for.  First, you need someone who has a Ph.D. and has been trained to give the types of tests that you need.  Not all therapists have the training to be qualified to administer certain psychological tests.  Second, the psychologist who performs your evaluation needs to be experienced in performing psychological evaluations for sex crimes.  Not all forensic psychologists work with sex crimes.  Some, for example, perform evaluations for competency to stand trial.  Third, your evaluator should be a member of ATSA and familiar with the latest research related to offenders of your type of crime.

A question I often am asked is “what happens if the evaluation says something bad?”  My first response to this question is that there is nothing about an evaluation that is “bad.”  An evaluation is a combination of facts, testing results and opinion based on all those elements.  However, if you are concerned about the outcome of the evaluation, there is a solution.  If the evaluator is retained by your attorney and paid for by your attorney, the report then falls under attorney-client privilege as client work product.  This way, if your attorney does not feel that the evaluation will help you, he or she will not use it during your sentencing.

In most cases, the psychosexual evaluation is used for sentence mitigation.  Your attorney may use a favorable evaluation in the plea negotiation process beforehand.  Your psychosexual evaluation will be part of the pre-sentence memorandum that your attorney files with the court prior to your sentencing.  This report will give the judge information as to some of the reasons why you committed your crime as well as provide the judge with some information about your risk of recidivism (commit another crime).  The judge will take all this information into account when they are determining your sentence.

If your attorney does not suggest an evaluation, ask them about it.  Whether or not you need an evaluation or if it may be helpful will depend on your case and your jurisdiction.  We provide these suggestions as they are helpful in our geographic area of Pennsylvania.

Dr. Jennifer Weeks is the owner of Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.  She specializes in the treatment of sexual offenders and cybersex offenders.  Through her program she provides psychosexual evaluations, treatment and expert witness testimony.  SATS also offers coaching services for those people who are being investigated but are not in Pennsylvania.

The post You’re Being Investigated for a Cybersex Crime: The Psychosexual Evaluation first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.