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Female Arousal & Rough Content: The Surprising Science

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Tue, 23 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000

The cultural landscape of the last decade has been defined by a curious paradox. While societal conversations around consent and safety have become more robust, “dark romance” literature and narratives centered on dominance and submission—exemplified by the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon—have exploded in popularity among women. This trend raises a central question for researchers: Why do narratives involving dominance, submission, and even non-consensual scenarios remain a primary driver of female media consumption?

A 2026 study published in The Journal of Sex Research by von Andrian-Werburg et al. provides a groundbreaking look at this phenomenon. Moving beyond outdated stereotypes, the researchers utilized a “biopsychosocial” approach to analyze data from 571 women, seeking to understand what actually predicts arousal when it comes to “rough” content.

Women Are Consuming the “Rough Content” Differently

While men traditionally consume more pornography overall, data suggests that when women engage with sexual media, they often gravitate toward more intense categories. Statistics from Pornhub indicate that women are 34% more likely than men to watch hardcore content, 30% more likely to view bondage, and 29% more likely to watch gangbang scenarios.

However, a significant “modality gap” exists. Women are notably more likely than men to prefer written pornography—ranging from commercial romance novels to “Slash Fiction.” This preference is likely rooted in evolutionary parental investment strategies. Unlike the instrumental, visual nature of video pornography, narrative forms allow for the development of interpersonal context. For women, who historically prioritize traits signaling partner commitment and resource security, the “meaning” behind an encounter provided by a story is often more arousing than purely visual cues.

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Debunking the “Biological Clock” Narrative

Traditional Evolutionary Psychology, specifically Sexual Strategies Theory (SST), often suggests that an interest in aggressive sexual content might indicate a “fast life-history strategy”—a biological orientation toward higher reproductive output in unstable environments.

The 2026 study explicitly challenges this. Researchers found that biological and life-history indicators—specifically the “K-factor” (a measure of life-history strategy), the onset of menarche (age of first menstruation), and the participant’s age—did not significantly predict arousal to non-consensual stimuli. This directly contradicts previous findings (such as Salmon et al., 2019) that sought to pathologize these preferences as biological survival strategies.

Furthermore, the study established a vital baseline that is often lost in media sensationalism: across the entire sample, the consensual stimulus elicited stronger sexual arousal (M = 2.83) than the rape stimulus (M = 2.60). As the researchers concluded:

“The data indicate that most women report greater arousal following the stimulus depicting a masculine, emotionally attentive partner.”

The Power of the “Script”: How Past Media Shapes Future Arousal

One of the study’s most significant findings involves a “disordinal interaction” regarding previous media exposure. The researchers applied the “Acquisition, Activation, and Application Model (3AM)” to explain how sexual socialization occurs.

Under this model, “Activation” refers to making previously learned mental “scripts” more salient. The data revealed that women who had previously consumed violent pornography reported significantly higher arousal to the rape stimulus. Crucially, this exposure had no effect on their arousal levels during the consensual scenario. This suggests a “specialization” of desire; repeated engagement with “rough” content may create specific mental scripts where these scenarios are “Applied” as familiar and, eventually, sexually arousing within a fictional context.

Are you exploring your trauma? Do you feel your childhood experiences were detrimental to your current mental or physical health? Utilize this free, validated, self-report questionnaire to find out.

Take the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Questionnaire

The Complex Role of “Rape Myth Acceptance”

The study also explored “Rape Myth Acceptance” (RMA)—the endorsement of societal beliefs that suggest women “ask for” assault or that rape is impossible if a woman resists. The data showed that higher RMA was associated with greater arousal across both consensual and non-consensual stimuli.

This suggests that RMA may simply be a proxy for general sexual responsiveness or openness. For some, these beliefs may serve as a “psychological distance” or a protective shield, allowing them to interpret aggressive fictional scenarios as “rough but consensual.” Central to this is what researchers call the “naturalistic fallacy”:

“Often based on the naturalistic fallacy… for example, the unfounded/mistaken idea that the male sex drive is ‘uncontrollable’ – these beliefs represent a flawed rationale that can be used to justify or excuse rape perpetration.”

The researchers also noted that the presence of alcohol in erotic narratives can further blur these lines of consent, feeding into the “implied consent” psychological shield that some viewers use to navigate problematic content.

Subjective vs. Reflexive Arousal: Why the Body and Mind Disagree

A vital distinction for any sexuality researcher is the difference between “affective sexual arousal” (the subjective feeling of being “turned on”) and physiological responses, such as vaginal lubrication.

The study emphasizes that physical responses are often “non-specific” protective reflexes. The female body may prepare for penetration—regardless of the mind’s evaluation of the partner’s character—as a biological mechanism to prevent physical injury during a potential assault. This “protective reflex” means that physiological arousal in a research lab or while reading a book does not equate to genuine desire or a real-world wish for harm.

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Summary: Toward a Multifaceted Understanding of Desire

The findings suggest a “multifaceted etiology” for female pornography preferences. They are not the result of a single biological drive or a “fast” reproductive strategy. Instead, they represent a complex intersection of social conditioning, narrative context, and individual sexual responsiveness.

As a researcher, I find the future of this field both promising and fraught. As generative AI begins to personalize erotic narratives, we must consider the ethical implications of “scripts” written specifically for the individual. How will our understanding of the darker aspects of human desire shift when technology can perfectly mirror—and perhaps reinforce—our most private, complicated psychological landscapes?

If you’d like to read the research yourself, it’s available here for free.

Image-Based Sexual Abuse: Why Stranger Danger Misses the Real Risk

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Tue, 26 May 2026 12:00:00 +0000

Challenging the “Stranger Danger” Archetype

For decades, the public’s conceptualization of “child pornography” was tethered to a specific, mid-90s archetype: a predatory adult in a basement, wielding a camera to exploit a child. This “stranger danger” narrative shaped the first generation of digital safety laws, but it relied on a technological bottleneck that no longer exists. In the early digital era, creating and distributing such material often required “intermediaries,” developers or specialized services, who acted as a friction point for reporting abuse. Today, that barrier has vanished. A landmark 2026 study published in Sexual Abuse reveals a landscape that has shifted from adult-captured content to Image-Based Sexual Abuse (IBSA). A broader term encompassing the non-consensual making, distribution, and threatened distribution of sexual images.

The data is clear: the primary producers of modern abusive content are not “strangers,” but the youth victims themselves and their immediate social circles.

A Massive Shift in Content Creation

The study provides a staggering clarification of the digital landscape: the vast majority (86%) of abusive episodes involved images produced by youth. Either by the victims themselves (73.7%) or by peer perpetrators (12.1%).

In stark contrast, images actually produced by adults accounted for less than 8% of the total episodes.

The velocity of this shift is remarkable.

Licensed Professional Counselors: Dr. Weeks’ course The Prevalence of Youth-Produced Image-Based Sexual Abuse examines changing patterns in image-based sexual abuse and offers a framework for understanding youth-involved perpetrator dynamics.

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

In 2010, youth-produced images accounted for roughly 40% of law enforcement databases; that figure has more than doubled in just over a decade.

This reflects a fundamental change in adolescent socialization where digital media is fully integrated. The “democratization” of recording devices means the power of production has moved into the hands of the adolescents, often within contexts of dating, flirtation, or peer pressure, removing the traditional predatory intermediary entirely.

“This shift in terminology [from child pornography to CSAM/CSAI] was intended to emphasize that the images were often made by in-person sexual abusers, who recorded their abusive conduct… The new conception also acknowledged the ongoing harm to the children depicted, as these shareable images can be characterized as ongoing abusive provocations and reminders.”

Why the Stranger Myth is Dangerous

The persistent fear of the “online stranger” creates a dangerous blind spot.

The study findings reveal that only 3.4% of youth perpetrators were “not known in-person.”

Mathematically, for youth-on-youth abuse, the “predatory stranger” is almost a statistical anomaly. Even among adult perpetrators, 59% were offline acquaintances like dating partners or friends.

While 36.7% of perpetrators’ identities remained “unknown” to the victims, a significant data gap that complicates reporting, the known data points to a reality where the threat is an in-person peer or partner.

Perpetrator Relationship Breakdown

	Adult Perpetrators	Youth Perpetrators
Dating Partner	9.5%	14.3%
Friend/Acquaintance	7.1%	12.5%
Not Known in-person	12.3%	3.4%

The Victim as the Producer: A New Tool for Adult Abusers

Perhaps the most counter-intuitive finding is the role of the victim in adult-perpetrated abuse.

In 75% of adult-perpetrated episodes, the images were originally produced by the youth victim. Modern adult abusers rarely need to capture images themselves; they leverage unequal power dynamics to manipulate “normal developing interests in sex” into digital assets.

Adult “Groomers” and “Coercers” no longer require physical proximity to generate material.

By leveraging romantic pretense or blackmail, they turn the victim’s own device into an instrument of exploitation. This evolution demonstrates how predators have adapted to a world where self-production is the social norm, weaponizing the victim’s own agency against them.

Are you exploring your trauma? Do you feel your childhood experiences were detrimental to your current mental or physical health? Utilize this free, validated, self-report questionnaire to find out.

Take the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Questionnaire

The Five-Category Framework for Abuse

To address the complexity of modern IBSA, the study proposes a five-category framework that moves beyond binary labels to define the specific intent and dynamics of the abuse:

Adult Producers: Perpetrators who create images to document their own physical abuse of a child for memorialization or monetization.
Adult Coercers: Predators who extort youth into creating and sharing explicit content through the use of threats or digital blackmail.
Adult Groomers: Perpetrators who manipulate youth into self-production by masquerading as romantic partners or offering items of value.
Juvenile Coercers: Peers who weaponize force, threats, or emotional guilt to pressure victims into supplying explicit images.
Juvenile Betrayers: Peers who breach a victim’s confidence by sharing images given voluntarily or by taking secret images of a peer without their consent.

The Prevention Paradox: Why Punishment Might Backfire

The study highlights a critical “prevention paradox”: an over-reliance on harsh criminal sanctions for youth may actually decrease safety.

When the legal system treats peer-to-peer “betrayals” with the same punitive weight as adult predation, victims become reluctant to report. They fear that reporting a peer, or admitting to self-production, will result in themselves or their friends being permanently labeled as sex offenders. To counter this, we must move toward restorative justice and rehabilitation models.

Effective prevention requires providing technical resources for image removal and focusing on the nuances of digital boundaries rather than simple prohibition.

“Warnings simply to not talk to strangers, not to share information and not to make sexual images are insufficient. These do not address the complexity of the situations many youth face or the context for these offenses, which include romance, bullying, and normal developing interests in sex.”

Learn why it’s important for everyone, especially teens, to be able to control their online experiences. Dick Pic Culture: How do Teenage Girls Navigate it?

Redefining Digital Consent

The epidemiology of digital abuse has fundamentally changed.

We are no longer defending against a shadow in a dark room. We are navigating a landscape of peers, partners, and self-captured content.

This necessitates a move toward a “consent standard” rather than a “prohibition model.” Protecting youth today requires multidisciplinary agencies, like Children’s Advocacy Centers, that offer supportive, trauma-informed interventions rather than purely punitive ones.

The Final Thought

If the statistical “threat” is more likely to be a known peer or a manipulated self-capture than an online stranger, are our safety conversations still stuck in the 90s?

We must adapt our education to a reality where the greatest risk to a child is often found in their own contact list. What are your thoughts on this?

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses? stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

The post Image-Based Sexual Abuse: Why Stranger Danger Misses the Real Risk first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

AI Nudification: The 55% Stat Parents Can’t Ignore

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Fri, 15 May 2026 11:00:00 +0000

How AI Nudification Became the New Adolescent Normal

From Virtual Fitting Rooms to Digital Danger

Generative AI (GenAI) was supposed to be our creative co-pilot. We didn’t see AI Nudification coming.

We marveled at its ability to turn text into art and embraced “virtual try-on” applications that allowed us to see how clothing might fit using nothing more than a smartphone camera. But as a tech ethicist, I’ve watched this innovation take a dark, predatory turn. While the underlying technology, specifically “inpainting,” is legitimate, its application in adolescent circles has reached a terrifying tipping point.

We are no longer talking about a few “tech-savvy” outliers; we are witnessing the mass-normalization of AI-generated Child Sexual Exploitation Material (CSEM) among teenagers. This isn’t just the next stage of digital growing pains. It’s a fundamental shift in how the first generation of “AI adolescents” navigates consent, identity, and digital harm.

Takeaway 1: The “Scaling Gap” and the New AI Nudification Normal

For years, educators and parents tracked the steady rise of traditional “sexting.” Historical meta-analyses placed adolescent creation and receipt of self-generated sexual imagery at roughly 14.8% and 27.4%, respectively. This latest data reveals a staggering “scaling gap” that should alarm every stakeholder in digital safety.

Today, GenAI has effectively quadrupled those rates. According to a nationally representative survey of 13-to-17-year-olds:

55.3% of adolescents have used AI “nudification” tools to create sexualized images of themselves.
54.4% have received these images.

What was once a niche behavior has become a majority experience. This isn’t just a technological update to sexting; it is a total normalization of CSEM production as a routine part of adolescent sexual exploration.

Takeaway 2: Nudification vs. Creation – The Personal Toll of Inpainting

It is vital to understand the technical nuance that makes this trend so invasive. There is a massive difference between general text-to-image GenAI (which creates an image from a prompt) and “nudification” tools. These tools utilize a technique called inpainting, which modifies a pre-existing, real photo.

The survey found that usage of these specific nudification tools is significantly higher than traditional AI content creation. This is precisely why the victimization is so direct: it requires the likeness of a real person. As the study notes, these tools are designed to:

“…visualize what individuals might look like without clothing.”

By using a real individual as a “basis image,” the technology allows for the digital removal of clothing, turning a casual school photo into CSEM in seconds. The distinction between a “fake” image and a “real” person is erased, leading to a profound degree of direct victimization.

Are you exploring your trauma? Do you feel your childhood experiences were detrimental to your current mental or physical health? Utilize this free, validated, self-report questionnaire to find out.

Take the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Questionnaire

Takeaway 3: The High Cost of Non-Consensual “Deepfakes”

The most heartbreaking aspect of this shift is the erosion of consent. The data highlights a crisis of victimization: 36.3% of participants reported having a non-consensual image of them created, and 33.2% had such an image shared without their permission.

Victims describe a visceral sense of “powerlessness” and “dehumanization.” When your likeness can be hijacked and sexualized without your involvement, it leads to a state of constant hypervigilance. Crucially, these statistics represent a lower bound of the crisis. Because the study only measured peer-to-peer actions, it does not account for images created by adults exploiting minors or images of children under the age of 13. If those variables were included, the scale of victimization would likely skyrocket.

Takeaway 4: The Gender and Age Myths Around AI Nudification Debunked

We often fall into the trap of thinking digital crises are limited to specific subcultures or older teens. The data tells a different story. The usage of AI nudification tools is remarkably uniform across all demographics: race, region, and sexual orientation showed no statistically significant differences in prevalence. This is a universal adolescent issue.

While male participants showed higher rates of regular (frequent) creation and distribution, the most startling finding was the age breakdown. There was no statistically significant difference in usage between 13-year-olds and 17-year-olds. This destroys the myth that we can wait until high school to talk about AI safety. To be effective, digital literacy and intervention must begin before age 13, as younger adolescents are already engaging with these tools at the same rates as their older peers.

Learn why it’s important for everyone, especially teens, to be able to control their online experiences. Dick Pic Culture: How do Teenage Girls Navigate it?

Takeaway 5: A Legal and Ethical Gray Zone

We must call these images what they are: CSEM. Under federal law (18 U.S. Code § 1466A), the production and distribution of pornographic GenAI images of minors is illegal, regardless of whether the image is “real.”

This puts policymakers in an ethical bind.

We are currently seeing thousands of adolescents technically committing federal crimes as part of “exploratory” peer behavior. Ethicists and lawmakers are now forced to debate whether we need legal “carve-outs” for consensual, same-age peer interactions, or if the permanent digital harm of these images necessitates strict criminal enforcement. Meanwhile, “gray market” apps continue to bypass app store controls, providing easy access to nudification tools without any meaningful age verification.

Conclusion: A Call for Proactive Digital Literacy

The window for intervention is narrow but still open. Because much of the current usage is reported as “exploratory” rather than “habitual,” we have a brief opportunity to steer this generation toward a more ethical digital future. However, our response cannot be reactive. We need multimodal education that doesn’t just teach “online safety” but addresses the profound ethical weight of AI tools and the lifelong impact of non-consensual sharing.

Final Thought: As we enter an era where a child’s likeness can be permanently decoupled from their consent in a matter of clicks, we must ask: Are our legal and educational frameworks fundamentally incompatible with this new reality, or are we simply too slow to protect the first generation of AI adolescents?

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

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Pornographic Video Games and Sexuality

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Tue, 16 Jan 2024 13:00:00 +0000

Last Monday, I received screenshots of a game my client was playing, but it wasn’t a traditional game. He indulged in the ever-expanding genre of pornographic video games.

Some of you who read my blog regularly may know, a person on federal supervised release for an internet crime of a sexual nature must have monitoring software on their devices.

The software blocks you from sites based on probation regulations and takes screenshots of what they’re doing. When one of my clients looks at questionable things, their probation officer will contact me and send me screenshots of the content.

I’m Not Going to Moralize About Pornographic Video Games

Nor will I discuss whether or not this is an appropriate expression of sexuality for people whom partnered sex is not an option. This is just a, “Hey it’s out there if you didn’t know about it,” post.

Adult video gaming is legal and the people playing them are making a conscious choice to do so.

So why does it matter? In my work, it matters for a few reasons.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Pornographic Video Games and

Adolescents

We all know that most kids today game. It is super common and can be as much of a lifestyle as a hobby to kill some time. Games have come a long way from the Frogger of my youth.

Adult video games can be problematic for youth the same as pornography.

Physical and emotional development of teens does not happen along the same trajectory. Bodies might find these games exciting, but minds don’t always know how to process what goes on.

In most pornographic video games, as in pornography, there is not a discussion of consent, boundaries, or anything else. And the themes or topics are similar to pornography.

I braved a google search and adult video games are promoting themes like anal sex with your stepsister and sex with your stepmom the same as live pornography is.

Not the best themes for a growing mind to be masturbating to.

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

Individuals with Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB)

Pornographic video games can fall into a grey area for those with pornography addictions or PSB.

They are not pornography, as many will define it in terms of live humans, but it still falls into the category of sex acts or simulated sex acts.

Using adult video games may be a gray area that a person struggling with pornography addiction can use as a means to act out while thinking they are not violating their bottom-line behaviors.

Individuals on Supervised Release

Playing these games could be a violation of the stipulations of supervision for individuals on probation, parole, or federal supervised release for crimes of a sexual nature.

Many of these probation stipulations prohibit viewing pornography. I’ve found most probation/parole officers consider adult video games to be pornography.

Playing pornographic video games and not disclosing it could cause problems with supervision and result in a freedom-losing violation.

See the latest research on criminality related to social media:

Social Anxiety and Loneliness in Online Solicitation Offenders

See more articles related to social media

What’s the Lesson About Pornographic Video Games?

For me, it was to be more specific. My client had permission to play video games. We had worked on that, and it was approved by treatment and probation. Clearly, I needed to be more specific about what types of video games were okay to play.

I needed to have more conversations about exactly what was okay to do and what was not.

Again, not here to have a philosophical discussion about adult sex games. I want to help our guys stay compliant with their conditions.

What’s the Lesson for Non-Supervised Folks?

Particularly if you are a parent of a gaming adolescent, you need to know what games your child is playing.

Be involved in their lives. Ask about their gaming. Ask if they have seen or played these games. Talk about it.

If your child is a gamer and young, learn how to block those sites or games from their gaming device.

Ultimately, the lesson is to be aware.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Pornographic Video Games and Sexuality first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Expanded: How To Recognize Violence versus BDSM

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Mon, 05 Jun 2023 17:27:39 +0000

Introduction

I’d like to expand on my previous post about recognizing domestic violence versus BDSM.

BDSM, is an acronym for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. It encompasses a range of consensual sexual activities that involve power dynamics and role-playing. However, it is crucial to differentiate between BDSM and violence, as the two concepts are often confused.

Some members of the BDSM community may engage in ‘impact play’ resulting in bruises which could be viewed as domestic violence. But a true BDSM relationship highlights consent, communication, and safety.

Consent as the Foundation

One of the fundamental principles of BDSM is informed and enthusiastic consent.

All participants must willingly and clearly agree to engage in specific activities before anything occurs.

Consent should be ongoing and can be revoked at any time. It is established through open and honest communication, negotiation of boundaries, and the establishment of safe words or signals to ensure the comfort and well-being of all parties involved.

Check out my previous post for more about understanding consent.

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Communication and Negotiation is a Major Factor in Determining Violence Versus BDSM

Healthy BDSM relationships heavily rely on open and transparent communication.

Prior to engaging in any activities, partners must discuss their desires, boundaries, and limits.

In BDSM, communication is key, empowering participants to navigate their desires within established boundaries.

These discussions enable individuals to express their needs and establish clear expectations. Consent is negotiated through conversation, and all participants have an equal say in what is acceptable and enjoyable for them.

In contrast, violence lacks the communication and negotiation inherent in BDSM relationships.

Violence typically involves non-consensual actions that inflict harm or cause fear, leaving the victim without a voice or agency.

Safety and Risk-Awareness

Safety is of paramount importance in any BDSM relationship.

Participants are responsible for ensuring the physical and emotional well-being of themselves and their partners. This involves:

Understanding the risks associated with specific activities
Practicing proper technique and safety protocols
Regularly checking in on each other’s comfort levels

Struggling with excessive sexual thoughts, urges, or activities that are causing you distress? Take the free, online Sexual Symptom Assessment Scale (SSAS) and get a link to share with your therapist.

In a BDSM context, risk-awareness is crucial. Activities that may seem violent to an outsider can be enjoyed within a consensual, safe, and controlled environment.

Participants take precautions to minimize harm and employ safe practices such as:

Using specialized equipment
Employing proper restraint techniques
Having a clear understanding of emergency protocols

Power Dynamics and Trust

BDSM relationships explore power dynamics, with participants assuming dominant and submissive roles.

These roles are consensual and based on trust, respect, and the agreed-upon boundaries established through communication. The power exchange in BDSM is rooted in the desire to explore and fulfill fantasies and can enhance intimacy and connection between partners.

Violence, on the other hand, lacks the mutual consent, negotiation, and trust found in BDSM relationships. It involves inflicting harm without the consideration of the recipient’s well-being or desires.

The power dynamics in violence are often unbalanced, with one person exerting control over another without their consent.

Licensed Professional Counselors: Dr. Weeks’ course Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, Moral Incongruence looks at what can be mistaken for sex addiction and offers treatment considerations for distinguishing those problems.

Conclusion to Recognizing Violence Versus BDSM

It is crucial to differentiate between violence and a BDSM relationship to dispel misconceptions and promote understanding.

BDSM is a consensual practice centered around:

Trust
Communication
Mutual exploration of desires

Violence, however, involves non-consensual actions that cause harm and violate personal boundaries.

Consent, communication, safety, and power dynamics based on trust are the foundation of a healthy BDSM relationship.

By educating ourselves and others about the distinctions between BDSM and violence, we can foster a more inclusive and accepting society that respects and values diverse sexual expressions. Remember, consent and communication are the pillars of healthy relationships, regardless of the dynamics involved.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? consult with a professional.

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Expanded: How To Recognize Violence versus BDSM first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Not Sure Which it is? Healthy BDSM Relationships versus Violence?

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Wed, 31 May 2023 23:06:34 +0000

The following criteria can help identify a healthy BDSM relationships versus violence.

Check out the expanded version of this post here.

These criteria are taken from Jozifkova (2013) and Dunkley & Brotto (2020). I am simply sharing their work.

Whether the bottom partner experiences legitimate fear, indicative of abuse, versus feelings of safety, indicative of consensual BDSM.
All parties should feel comfortable using a safe word to rescind consent at any time.
Consent can be withdrawn and is respected by the ending of BDSM activities.
BDSM relationships can discriminate between BDSM activity and common everyday life.
In abusive relationships, it is common for the victim to be intentionally isolated from friends and family. This is distinctly different from a healthy BDSM dynamic.
Emotional volatility marked by periods of violence and reconciliation are common in abusive relationships. Healthy BDSM relationships do not exhibit such drastic emotional highs and lows.
A clear disparity in social hierarchy between partners not only in abusive BDSM relationships but also in some healthy BDSM relationships. The level of hierarchical disparity in day-to-day life is the distinguishing factor.
Mutual respect for one another, irrespective of power dynamics, is present in healthy BDSM relationships.
The ongoing negotiation and communication characteristic of healthy BDSM relationships are absent or disrespected in abusive relationships.

If you feel that your behavior or that of a loved one may be disruptive, please try one of my validated, anonymous assessments below.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Not Sure Which it is? Healthy BDSM Relationships versus Violence? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Dick Pic Culture: How do Teenage Girls Navigate it?

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Sat, 28 Jan 2023 17:11:26 +0000

Instagram and Snapchat mAPPing drawing exercise. (CLC2, Year 10 girls) Figure 1

As I sit to write this, I’m experiencing something I never anticipated in my professional life. I just wrote the phrase “Dick Pic Culture” in the headline.

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Beyond just my blog, I can’t believe I’ll be writing about a study from a respected, peer reviewed scientific journal with the words Dick Pic in the title.

When I started working with problematic sexual behavior nearly 20 years ago, I did not foresee this. Yet here I am, writing, again, about research involving young women being sent pictures of men’s penises. And just how often those pictures are sent without consent.

Enough Shock. Now the Study.

Drawing of a faceless dick pic on Instagram: “Anonymous: that’s what boys do” (Swans, Year 9 girls) Figure 5

I recently came across this study, published in 2021, by researchers in the United Kingdom. It addressed the experiences of teenage girls being sent “dick pics” and it was done in a rather creative way.

The study examined a number of situations. The first was the unwanted receiving of the pictures from older men on Snapchat. Then they asked the girls (aged 11 to 18) about their experiences receiving these images from their same aged peers.

In the United Kingdom where the study took place, sending a picture of your genitalia to someone under the age of 18 is a sexual offense.

A 2018 survey in the UK of women aged 18 to 24 found that 47% of those women had received an unsolicited image of a man’s penis.

46% of those women received the image from an adult man before they were 18 years old. Therefore, nearly half of the women in that study were a victim of a criminal offense.

For this study, the authors ran focus group discussions combined with an arts-based method of social media post drawing to provide a space for the girls to share their experiences. The researchers worked with 144 girls between the ages of 11 and 18 who were all in school.

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The Results

Drawing of Snapchat Private Message: “Dick pick from weird boy in Ireland” (Swans, Year 8 girls) Figure 6

76% of the girls in the study had received a dick pic and, for the most part, these images were not requested.

However, despite these images being unwanted, the girls did not usually report the sender either to the social medial platform or their school. They stated that it was easier to block or ignore the sender than to report them.

Additionally, 70% of the girls had been asked to send nude images of themselves. The standard manner in which this is done is by sending an unsolicited dick pic in an attempt to solicit a trade of nude images.

The researchers refer to this as a transactional dick pic. Images sent by peers are often sent to be transactional.

How Does Dick Pic Culture Reflect on the Victim?

The study’s respondents reported stigmatization if it becomes public knowledge that they received a dick pic. There is an assumption that the girl would have sent an image in return, even if they didn’t. If the trade is refused, she may be subject to the anger of the sender. Or the sender might outright lie about getting a nude image in return.

When someone that the girls thought was a friend sends an unsolicited image, the respondents reported their reaction goes from feeling disgusted, to feeling awkward around the friend to the process being normalized.

Many reported that it was more “of a big deal” when they received a dick pic from someone they thought of as a friend.

When the sender was a friend, it brought up trust issues in the friendship and awkwardness when they would see the sender as they could not unsee the images.

The authors of the study do point out that not all girls are bothered by the receiving of unsolicited sexual images. Some girls have come to associate being sent these images as a sign of desirability.

What do the Authors Think About Dick Pic Culture?

Drawing/ Mind Map Covering Online Sexual Assault and Sex Education (SELC, Year 10 girls) Figure 11

The authors conclude that apps such as Snapchat have been integral in the increase in prevalence of unsolicited penis pictures.

In talking to the girls, they also found that they did not consider receiving these images a form of sexual harassment and, because of this, they more often than not, did not report the senders either to the app platform or to school officials.

In their conclusions, the authors suggest adopting the concept of online sexual harassment and image based sexual harassment. Doing so will help everyone involved better understand what happens when image sharing becomes a nonconsensual practice. Whether that be an unsolicited dick pic or the nonconsensual re-sharing of a consensually shared image.

A Perspective for the US

In the US, we tend to only take the sending of unsolicited sexual images seriously if the recipient of the images is a minor. This is a criminal offense.

When the recipient of the images is an adult, there appears to be little legal recourse.

This brings to mind an article recently published by the Canadian Lawyer Magazine, where Michael Spratt argues that the unsolicited dick pic should be criminalized, but with care.

Reference: Ringrose, J, Regehr, K. & Whitehead, S. (2021). Teen Girls’ Experiences Negotiating the Ubiquitous Dick Pic: Sexual Double Standards and the Normalization of Image Based Sexual Harassment. Sex Roles, 85, 558-576.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

The post Dick Pic Culture: How do Teenage Girls Navigate it? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Why did Google Remove Covenant Eyes?

Mike — Mon, 03 Oct 2022 21:03:14 +0000

Maybe you’ve noticed that Google removed the popular “accountability” apps Covenant Eyes and Accountable2You from its Play store last week.

Maybe you haven’t, and that’s probably for the best.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

What are accountability apps?

These apps can filter undesirable content, such as pornography, and “other questionable material” from devices. More than just filtering, though, they offer to allow someone to be your accountability partner. They can send either immediate alerts or a digest of activity.

Having someone else hold you accountable in your efforts to be productive or curb a compulsive behavior sounds great, right?

Absolutely! If it’s done willingly.

Why were they removed?

And why is this article about Covenant Eyes on a blog about mental health?

Covenant Eyes’ Response

Accountable2You’s Response

During an investigation by Dhruv Mehrotra for Wired, it was discovered that the Android versions of these two apps used the accessibility features of Android devices. Accessibility features are intended to help those with hearing or vision impairments. Unfortunately, these apps used these features to monitor and report all device usage, even innocuous behavior.

That wouldn’t be an issue if your accountability partner is someone you have selected and trust, but therein lies the problem.

Covenant Eyes and Accountable2You have large outreach projects dedicated to getting churches to use the apps. In other words, to assist the churches in controlling and monitoring the behavior of parishioners under the guise of strict adherence to the church’s beliefs.

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Consent versus Coercion

Threatening, pressuring, or strongly recommending, an individual consent to having their digital activities monitored is not consent.

More than just standard filtering and monitoring, Accountable2You also flags LGBTQIA+ content regardless of whether or not it is pornographic in nature. This is the “other questionable material” I referred to earlier. My issue is not that LGBTQIA+ material is blocked or flagged, but that any topic related to it is flagged in a similar fashion to hardcore pornography.

Pressuring people, vilifying them for whom they love, and monitoring all of their digital moves can create intense shame for the individuals being monitored. Particularly if they don’t conform to the heteronormative ideals of some religious organizations.

Shame encourages people to hide, withdraw, or turn to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Therefore, shame can make the initial behaviors worse. More about shame from Dr. Jen here and here.

Google has chosen to remove these apps from their store using violations of their technology policies because condemning them for violating users’ privacy rights is too political. Time will tell if Google steps up in favor of individual rights over appeasing a small but vocal and wealthy minority.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

What to do about Covenant Eyes after these revelations?

Broadly speaking, if you’re using an accountability app and you feel you were under duress when you selected your accountability partner, it’s time to re-evaluate that relationship and your continued use of the software.

If you still want to use one of these solutions on a non-Android platform, Windows, MacOS, or iOS, they are still available. You can still use them on Android because they can be “side-loaded” using instructions on the company websites.

If you would like a simple, straightforward filtering solution without the shame, check out BlockSite, for desktop and mobile devices.

For those of you who’d like accountability monitoring and filtering, I recommend EverAccountable, for desktop and mobile devices. EverAccountable also uses mental health friendly language in relation to how to handle slips and relapses.

An Important Note about Privacy

The Wired article referenced above also talked about third-parties having access to data from these apps. One, in particular, called Fortify was singled out because the company was cagey about revealing its third-party partners in its privacy policy and it sent the user’s password, along with other data, in plaintext to Facebook.

Transparency in a privacy policy is key and obfuscating passwords is Software Development 101. These kinds of mistakes call in to question the security of the entire app.

I did a quick read through of the privacy policies of both alternatives I mentioned above and saw no red flags, but I encourage you to read through them yourself.

If you are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, local to the Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania, and need support a great place to start is the Bradbury-Sullivan LGBT Community Center.

Need support and not local to the Lehigh Valley? Check out the LGBT National Help Center.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Why did Google Remove Covenant Eyes? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

What BDSM Can Teach Us About Consent

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Tue, 23 Oct 2018 14:51:59 +0000

Consent is a hot button topic today. The #metoo movement continues to grow and the supreme court nomination brought to light the suffering of many sexual abuse survivors. The general public is starting to realize that we do not teach consent to our children

Those of us who work in the fields of sexuality (sex therapists, sex offender therapists, sex addiction therapists) have long known that there is a lack of education about consent. We have moved from no means no to yes means yes but that still leaves a lot of grey area. For instance, what happens when yes turns into no?

To help learn more about consent, I turn to what some might think is a strange source, the Kink community. The BDSM community has a lot to teach the rest of us about the concept of consent.

While there are many aspects of the BDSM world, consent lies at the heart of these communities. Here’s how:

Negotiation:

Critical to the BDSM community is negotiation. People who are going to play (engage in BDSM) together spend a great deal of time ahead of time negotiating what will happen during the session. These discussions about the sex practices that will or will not be engaged in during the session are often extensive. Negotiations include what each participant’s limits are (what they will not engage in), what types of things they enjoy as well as the discussion of the safe word.

When two people engage in extensive negotiations before an interaction it removes the grey areas that can happen when there is not good communication. There is no room for miscommunication because it has all been talked about ahead of time.

Safe Word:

The safe word is the word that is agreed upon ahead of time which, when invoked, means the behavior that is currently happening ends immediately. This process of safe word shows that the BDSM community understands that consent is not a broad concept. Consent is an ongoing process that can be revoked at any time during an interaction. Just because someone says yes to something initially, it does not mean theywant the behavior to continue. Everyone’s experience of a sexual behavior is dependent on so many things. What they might have enjoyed engaging in during one session may not feel good in another based on many things, not limited to mood, stress level, partner and environment.

Aftercare:

Aftercare is a concept that is not often talked about in traditional sexual encounters. The BDSM community understands that these interactions can be emotionally and physically intense. Aftercare takes this into consideration and involves physical and emotional support for the parties involved. This can be physical, meaning food, water, etc. or emotional, such as cuddling, holding, stroking etc. When both parties engage in aftercare it demonstrates a mutuality in the interaction.

Traditional sexual interactions among the non-Kink community normally do not involve any of these processes. Traditionally, there is very little discussion about what behaviors are ok between two sexual partners. Safe words are hardly ever employed and frequently, in our hook up culture, the after-sex behavior lacks emotional and physical nurturance.

I will end this post with a quote I heard at this years ATSA conference. “We spend more time negotiating what we want on a pizza than we do negotiating sex.”

We have a lot to learn from the Kink community and if we employed some of their practices into our own sexual practices we would be having safer and more truly consensual sex.

Reference: “Unorthodox Rules”: The Instructive Potential of BDSM for Consent Law. Bennett, T (2018) Journal of Positive Sexuality, 4(1), 4-11.

Dr. Jennifer Weeks is the owner and director of Sexual Addiction Treatment Services. She is a clinician and expert witness working with sexual abuse, cybersex offenders and all types of problematic sexual behavior.

The post What BDSM Can Teach Us About Consent first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

What Young Women’s Experiences with Sexting can tell us about Compliance, Coercion and Consent

Dr. Jennifer Weeks — Mon, 12 Mar 2018 20:13:51 +0000

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

The #MeToo movement has brought long overdue attention to the experiences of women who have been victims of sexual abuse and harassment.

If you look behind the sensational headlines, the movement has sparked a much-needed conversation about consent.

I have previously written about how we teach consent in our practice in a blog on the topic.

#MeToo, combined with some recent research published in the Sexuality Research and Social Policy journal, can help us shed some light on how young women navigate sexuality and consent in the digital realm.

The Study

Dr. Sara Thomas’ recently published research study looked at how young women handled pressure to send them a nude or semi-nude photograph from a peer.

The study analyzed stories from teenagers about their experiences of digital drama. She then identified three main dilemmas that young women experience in relation to sexual photographs:

Interpersonal negotiations
Consequences
Self-concept

The study found that the biggest concern was the possibility of the image being spread without consent.

She then identified six different categories of behavior for how women were induced to send nude photographs:

Desire
Personal gain
Asked
Relational scripts
Bombardment
Coercion

One of the first dilemmas faced by a young woman is the decision of whether to send a photograph.

The Results

The study found that 2/3 of young women reported that they engaged in this ongoing struggle to decide if they should send a picture, to whom and when.

When a woman decided to send a nude photograph, the motivations ranged from it being consensual to giving in to pressure or threats from the person asking for the picture.

The young women in this study knew that if they chose to send a nude picture there could be consequences.

These consequences ranged from the picture being seen by people they did not want to see (mass distribution) to social ostracism, rumor spreading, legal consequences, emotional distress and getting in trouble with parents.

The study found that the biggest concern was the possibility of the image being spread without consent.

Why do young women send nude or sexual photographs?

In this study, only 8% of the young women sent the photograph because they wanted to.

If they didn’t want to send the image, why did they?

Compliance

Findings show that many young women were sending nude images because they wanted to please the person asking for the image or because they wanted to avoid negative consequences from the young men that were asking for the images.

One of the troubling findings from the study was the tacit nature of the compliance by the young girls. The young women justified the compliance by saying that they liked the young man who was asking for the image.

“..compliance was frequently accompanied by an assertion they liked the young man who requested them. These stories did not express coercion by the asker, but they also did not express a desire to send them. Rather the decision to send was a compliant ‘so I did’ to a male-initiated request for a photograph.”

Coercion

The majority of the women in the study experienced some form of coercion.

The level of this coercion ranged from milder “If you loved me” statements from the young man requesting the image to more intense forms coercion.

When a woman was unsure of sending an image, they reported feeling guilty that their partner questioned their love by not sending a nude image.

Many of the women had experiences of coercion that were more intense. The study found that some young men pressured, threatened, got angry or cut off contact with the young woman in order to try to obtain nude images.

Some women also experienced threats of blackmail in the form of demands for more images. The blackmail threat was often that the images would be mass distributed. Those who experienced these situations didn’t feel like they had any options and that they had to send the images.

Can Young Women Refuse?

The answer to this is yes.

In the study about 30% of the women refused to send a sexual image.

As adults, we need to create an environment where our children feel safe to come to us with their challenging dilemmas and we need to react calmly and lovingly.

Of those 30%, 79% of those women faced consequences for not sending images. Partners would get angry. Relationships would end.

Based on the consequences, several of the young women reported they ended up sending images to the young man who requested them. Only 12 women in this study refused to send nude images and did not experience any negative consequences for holding their boundary.

What does this study show us?

25 of 314 young women engaged in sexting with a partner because they truly wanted to, and the experiences were devoid of compliance or coercion.

This means that most of these young women engaged in sexting that was truly without consent. Their behavior was induced by compliance or coercion.

We, as parents, teachers, educators, need to do a better job at many things:

We need to teach all young people the true meaning of consent.
We need to empower young women to say “no” to coercion and to feel strong enough to not feel the need to comply to an unwanted request.
We need to give young women access to resources to help them make decisions about their sexuality.

The young women in this study did not seek adult help but turned to peers for advice. They often cited fearing an adults’ response as why they didn’t talk to parents or another adult in their life.

As adults, we need to create an environment where our children feel safe to come to us with their challenging dilemmas and we need to react calmly and lovingly.

Reference: Thomas, Sara. (2017) “What do I do?”: Young Women’s Reported Dilemmas with Nude Photographs. Sexuality Research and Social Policy.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post What Young Women’s Experiences with Sexting can tell us about Compliance, Coercion and Consent first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.