Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency – Book Review
Rob Weiss’s latest contribution to the recovery community is his book, Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency.
This book, and the philosophy of prodependence are an alternate take on the idea of codependency that has been rampant in the addiction recovery movement for decades.
What is Codependency?
Codependence has been defined as “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition, such as an addiction” (Merriam-Webster).
In the recovery community the spouse, partner or family of someone suffering from an addiction is often labeled a codependent.
This term came into the recovery lexicon in the 1980’s and became part of everyday language.
A codependency diagnosis was rejected by the APA for the inclusion into the DSM but the “diagnosis” has persisted and there are 12 step meetings for Codependents (CODA).
Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.
How is Prodependence Different from Codependency?
Rob Weiss proposes the the concept of Prodependence. He, and other therapists, believe codependence is not helpful to family members.
Family members, loved ones, or care givers of addicts, in the codependency model, are often told they’re part of the problem. However, they’re just trying to cope with a very difficult situation.
Prodependence is a term to describe “attachment relationships that are healthfully interdependent, where one person’s strengths support the vulnerabilities of another and vice versa, with this mutual support occurring automatically and without question.” (p53.)
Rob prefers this concept as it celebrates a loved one’s desire to help the addict in their life without shame or blame.
Distancing from the term ‘enabling’
Prodependence looks at the behaviors of those around the addict as attempts to maintain or restore healthy attachment.
Not as enabling.
Treating prodependence is similar to treating co-dependence in terms of encouraging healthy boundaries and self care.
However, it differs by being a strength based, attachment driven model that values loved ones of an addict.
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Kindness and Empathy, Not Shaming
Another key idea behind prodependence, is that an addict has an attachment disorder and needs healthy attachment to truly heal.
Encouraging prodependence, treating addicts and their loved ones with kindness, empathy and respect, can help repair attachment traumas.
Intimacy Versus Codependency
Another difference between prodependence and codependence is looking at addiction as an intimacy disorder. In opposition to tough love, intimacy disorders are treated with the pursuit of healthy, intimate and ongoing connection.
While suggesting that codependence may be an outdated concept is risky, it doesn’t feel groundbreaking. Prodependence feels like the natural conclusion when you consider what we’ve learned about attachment, intimacy and shame.
As Johann Hari suggests in his TED Talk, “What if all we were taught about addiction is wrong?”
Perhaps, instead, we should treat addicts and their loved ones without shame and blame. We might get farther modeling healthy attachment, boundaries, compassion, and empathy instead.
Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.
Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.
