Parents – Get Your Kids off Adult Dating Apps
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I engaged in prevention and education work as a direct result of working as a forensic psychologist in the field of sexual addiction and sexual offending. Despite my efforts and the efforts of many others more well-known than myself, we continue to see an increase in cybersex issues with teens.
This month, I have had several new forensic cases involving teens and dating apps. These new cases involved adult men who were found to be having sexual contact with minors that were met via the adult dating app Grindr.
Let’s Talk About Dating Apps
The most well-known adult dating apps are Tinder and Grindr.
Tinder is used more for those who are attracted to the opposite sex and Grindr is targeted at the gay male audience.
Other names you need to know: Jack’d, Scruff, Adam 4 Adam, Growlr, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid.
Why do you need to know about these apps?
Because under age teens are on these apps, using them and meeting with adults for sexual encounter.
Any and all of these apps are for people over the age of 18.
They specifically state that users cannot be under 18 (or 21 in some places). They’re for adults.
The problem is that often all you must do is enter a birth date or check a box that affirms you are at least 18 years of age and there is no age verification. Anyone under the age of 18 can do the math and figure out what birth year they need to enter to comply.
If someone mutually swipes and connects with your child, they will text or chat to see if they are compatible and arrange a hook up or meeting.
Sometimes, during these chats, the child may disclose that they are under the age of 18. Many times, they do not.
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Tell Me More
There are two ways your child could end up having sex with an adult via an adult dating app:
1. They could be targeted by an adult who is specifically seeking a young or young-looking man or woman on the app.
There is an assumption that all on the app are of legal age.
During the chat, the child could disclose that they are underage.
Obviously, at this point, the right thing for anyone to do is to discontinue the conversation with the minor and NOT meet them, connect with them and surely not have sex with them.
However, some people will ignore what is right or legal and hook up with the minor for sex.
In this case, the person meeting the minor has full knowledge that they are underage when they are hooking up with them and knows this is illegal.
2. A child could go on an adult dating app and create a profile that says they are at least 18 years old.
They could interact with men or women online and meet up with them for sexual encounters.
The child could never disclose that they are a minor to the person they are meeting for sex.
What can you do as a parent?
- Talk to your child.
- Talk to them about dating apps, hook up apps and any social networking apps. Ask what they use and how they use it. Ask if they are on the sites. Discuss with them the inappropriateness of being a minor and being on an adult dating site. I have had clients tell me they were on these apps when they were as young as 13 years old.
- If necessary, block your child’s access to these sites.
- I am not usually a fan of blocking sites completely, but in these cases, where there are such serious risks, I say, block your child’s access until they are the legal age to use the apps.
- Be open to your child’s curiosity about sex and sexuality.
- Many of these issues occur on same sex dating sites. This is likely because adolescent men are exploring their sexuality and may not be out, feel safe doing so in their school or social network and/or have no one to talk to about their questions and feelings. Be that safe person for your child to talk to and help them find appropriate resources to answer their questions.
What can you do if you use a dating site?
- If you find out someone you are talking to is under 18:
- Stop talking to them IMMEDIATELY.
- Report the profile per the app’s instructions.
- DO NOT MEET THE UNDERAGE USER.
- If you think someone is younger than 18:
- Ask for some form of ID to verify their age. Ask for a driver’s license. Yes, someone can get a fake ID if they are underage, but you need to do this to protect yourself and not make a life altering bad decision.
Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.
Are the app makers responsible?
Do the developers face consequences when a minor is preyed upon or has a sexual encounter with an adult?
The answer to this is, NO. They do not.
This has been challenged in court and the apps have won, meaning that the stated age requirements and acknowledgment of the user of the rules removes them from any liability in these cases. I would urge the makers of these apps to do more to try to remove under age users from their platforms.
As always, the key to prevention is awareness and communication. Talk to your child!
This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.
If you are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, local to the Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania, and need support a great place to start is the Bradbury-Sullivan LGBT Community Center.
Need support and not local to the Lehigh Valley? Check out the LGBT National Help Center.
Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.
Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.
