Not Sure Which it is? Healthy BDSM Relationships versus Violence?
The following criteria can help identify a healthy BDSM relationships versus violence.
Check out the expanded version of this post here.
These criteria are taken from Jozifkova (2013) and Dunkley & Brotto (2020). I am simply sharing their work.
- Whether the bottom partner experiences legitimate fear, indicative of abuse, versus feelings of safety, indicative of consensual BDSM.
- All parties should feel comfortable using a safe word to rescind consent at any time.
- Consent can be withdrawn and is respected by the ending of BDSM activities.
- BDSM relationships can discriminate between BDSM activity and common everyday life.
- In abusive relationships, it is common for the victim to be intentionally isolated from friends and family. This is distinctly different from a healthy BDSM dynamic.
- Emotional volatility marked by periods of violence and reconciliation are common in abusive relationships. Healthy BDSM relationships do not exhibit such drastic emotional highs and lows.
- A clear disparity in social hierarchy between partners not only in abusive BDSM relationships but also in some healthy BDSM relationships. The level of hierarchical disparity in day-to-day life is the distinguishing factor.
- Mutual respect for one another, irrespective of power dynamics, is present in healthy BDSM relationships.
- The ongoing negotiation and communication characteristic of healthy BDSM relationships are absent or disrespected in abusive relationships.
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