How Many Clicks Until Your Child Finds Hardcore Pornography?
If this is your first visit, let me start by saying I work with pornography addicts.
A few weeks ago a client shared with me an experience he had with his child. This client has been in recovery for years. He is VERY knowledgeable about online pornography, it’s dangers and how easy it is to access pornography online.
My client related that his wife had found pornography on his son’s phone. His son is in the 12 year old range.
My client and his wife are savvy folks.
They handled this situation and conversation with their son with grace, knowledge, compassion and most of all, lack of judgment.
The point of this story is not that he found pornography on his 12 year old son’s phone. It’s not that he and his wife handled it beautifully (but that’s great!). The point is that my client, a pornography addict in recovery, was shocked by WHAT he found on his son’s phone.
How did I get here?
This young man went down the rabbit hole.
That is what many of my clients call the process:
- You start with an innocuous image – maybe something risque but not pornographic.
- You begin searching the web for something related that titillated you.
- Click Click Boom. The clicking process starts the trance for which the internet is so famous.
This can happen if you are clicking links on Zappos, Wikipedia or pornography.
The internet sucks you in and you end up on some site, three hours later, with no idea how you ended up looking at the page you are looking at. For a great discussion of this, check out Phillip Zimbardo’s Ted Talk on The Demise of Guys.
Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.
Back to the Story
My client’s son clicked on a non-pornographic link on a webpage he was viewing.
He told his father that in a series of very FEW clicks, he ended up watching pornography that simulated (we hope) rape scenes.
It was that easy.
Three or four clicks into adolescent curiosity online and an impressionable young mind is watching violent pornography. It piqued his curiosity and on a subsequent visit to the internet, he typed rape pornography in the search box.
What the Research Says
It’s not uncommon for adolescents to view pornography.
It is now seen, in some circles, as part of the process of adolescent sexual awakening and awareness.
However, what research also tells us is that adolescents who are frequent users of pornography have views that support the objectification of women and have distorted views on the act of sex itself.
Violent pornography sends messages to minds that are not yet ready to fully understand them, about the role of consent and violence in sex.
These messages are not good.
My client was not shocked that his son was viewing pornography. He was shocked at the type of pornography he was watching.
He was upset at himself about his own denial. He never thought this would happen.
This is the point of my story today: Parents are often in denial, even parents who are more in tune to the technological world.
If your child is older than ten, chances are he or she has seen pornography. If they are 12 or older, chances are they have seen quite a bit of pornography. Parents need to talk to their kids about internet pornography.
This conversation has to happen not just once, but often. Parents need to know what types of pornography their children might view and be able to talk about that too.
Has your child seen violent pornography? Have they seen pornography with animals, same sex participants, or even child pornography? Parents need to prepare to talk about all of these things if they want to truly help their child navigate this online world in the healthiest way possible.
Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.
Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.
Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.