If you are unfamiliar with the story of Gisele Pelicot, prepare yourself. It’s mind boggling.

I’ve followed this story since it first made it to the US news cycle from France.  

The Reader’s Digest Version is: Ms. Pelicot’s (ex) husband had been drugging her, assaulting her, and inviting other men into their home to assault her as well.

Even more astonishing is how she found out about her abuse. Her husband was arrested for a crime related to voyeurism. This led the authorities to find videos taken of the assaults of his unconscious wife.  

The story is abhorrent. The behavior is egregious. But Gisele Pelicot is a marvel.

The story first made world news because of the abuse she suffered.  She, however, changed the narrative and took her power back. 

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As professionals, our time is valuable. Dr. Weeks created the Mitigation Aide Research Archive because there isn’t enough focused, data-backed research available in easily digestible formats.

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Normally, in France, these trials are closed so no one from the public sees the evidence. This is normally done to protect the victims. Gisele Pelicot said no.  She opened the trial to the public.

She refused to carry the shame of her abusers.  

So, she sat there for the trial of an incomprehensible number of men. The videos of these men assaulting her were played in public. She made the abusers watch with her in the room. She refused to carry the shame and became an ICON and an inspiration to others who have been sexually abused.

When A Hymn to Life came out, I read it immediately. 

This is her story. 

How she came to learn of being the victim of such horrible abuse and what she went through during the time from discovery through the trial.

It is a beautiful book. 

I know how weird that sounds. How can a story about a woman’s journey through the most horrific experience be beautiful? 

It just is. 

It is real and raw and does not gloss over the emotional conflict of loving someone who perpetrates unimaginable harm to you.

Why I recommend A Hymn to Life by Gisele Pelicot

1. It is an inspiration to survivors of sexual abuse.
2. It is a brave and compelling story.
3. For the partners of my clients who have sexually offended, it is the only book I have ever read that articulates the struggle of coming to grips with your partner doing something so egregious that you knew nothing about.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses? stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Struggling with excessive sexual thoughts, urges, or activities that are causing you distress? Take the free, online Sexual Symptom Assessment Scale (SSAS) and get a link to share with your therapist.

The post Gisele Pelicot: A Hymn to Life first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Most of the people I work with are men. I could write for days about male sexual trauma and how they have been acculturated to keep it secret.

Not acknowledge it.

And surely not seek help for the long-term effects of the trauma. 

A Study on Male Sexual Trauma

We spend a lot of time in therapy unpacking these issues and then working through the trauma itself. That’s why I was excited to see this article, published this year, in the journal of the Academy of Psychiatry and Law. It specifically addressed the psychological and physiological effects of male sexual trauma.

This study was also particularly interesting to me because all of the men in the study were sexually abused by the same perpetrator. 

The data came from evaluations given as part of a civil class suit brought against a physician who worked at a college for approximately 50 years. The men were subjected to various forms of sexual abuse during the course of physical examinations given by the physician.   

As part of the evaluations for the lawsuit, the men underwent various testing protocols, including the Symptom Checklist 90 Revised (SCL-90-R). They were also assessed for things like substance abuse, erectile dysfunction, and relationship status.   

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Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

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Results of the Study on Male Sexual Trauma

These men were all between the ages of 18 and 22 when the abuse occurred. They were all abused during medical visits. The abusive behaviors were all framed as a necessary part of the medical exam.

Unfortunately, at the time of the abuse, most of the men were not aware of how to report it. Almost all of the men were fearful of possible consequences from reporting the abuse.

• The study revealed that 78.7% of the 47 men in the study experienced intimacy and sexual problems.
• 51% experienced erectile dysfunction. 
• 20% of the men dropped out of college after the abuse occurred.
• 38% reported that they had a challenging time keeping a job after the abuse.
• In terms of relationships, 59.6% of the men reported they lost romantic partners.
• 74.5% reported that they had a tough time establishing meaningful relationships.  

SCL-90-R Results

Results showed that psychopathology was present in many of the subjects. 

• 66.7% of the men who were between 45 and 54 during the evaluation scored in the severely symptomatic range.
• 69.2% of the men between 55 and 64 scored in the severely symptomatic range. 

The SCL-90-R score was also associated with alcohol addiction, employment issues, and intimacy problems.   

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As professionals, our time is valuable. Dr. Weeks created the Mitigation Aide Research Archive because there isn’t enough focused, data-backed research available in easily digestible formats.

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Authors’ Notes on the Male Sexual Trauma Study

The authors note there were pervasive problems with relationships, sexual functioning, and intimacy reported by the men. This suggests the seriousness of the long term psychological and physiological effects of the abuse. 

In terms of erectile dysfunction, about half of the men stated that they started having ED issues after the abuse. Those ED issues lasted for years. 

Takeaways

This study outlines the long-lasting effects the sexual abuse perpetrated by one man had on 47 of his male victims. This is one of the first studies to specifically look at this population in this way. 

The lack of research in this area speaks to the great need to destigmatize male sexual abuse and provide safe spaces for men to come forward and report their abuse. 

Everyone who must suffer through this traumatic experience deserves to be heard, believed, and provided with the help they need to get through the trauma.  

Reference:  Petreca, V.G. & Burgess, A.W. (2024).  Long-Term Psychological and Physiological Effects of Male Sexual Trauma.  Journal of the Academy of Psychiatry and the Law, 52(1), doi:10.29158/jaapl.230076-23

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Male Sexual Trauma: What are its Long-Term Effects? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

I specialize in working with sexual addiction and problematic sexual behavior. Most of my clients are men.  Working with male addicts for over a dozen years has taught me, in person, that many more boys are sexually abused than the numbers tell us.  These boys do not tell anyone and do not seek help.  These boys turn into men who are profoundly affected by their sexual abuse experiences as children and most of the time, don’t even know it.  They do not name what happened to them as abuse, or they don’t want to.  They feel so much shame about being abused that they lock part of themselves away so tightly it can take years (like 5 to 7 years) of therapy before they even acknowledge to a trusted therapist what happened to them.  These men who were abused as boys suffer in silence.

I realize that many people (myself included) will respond to this by saying that many girls and women do not disclose their sexual abuse and that they too live lives that are deeply affected by their abuse histories.  Having spent time working in a Women’s Trauma and Addiction PHP and IOP program, I do not dispute this.  However, I see a difference.

When women finally find the courage to come forward to seek treatment for their sexual abuse, they can find resources.  There are many group, individual and support resources for women who are survivors of sexual abuse.  Finding help is not so easy for men.  I will share an example from my practice to explain.

I have a male client who came to me last year who I will call Tom.  Tom has a pornography addiction and came to treatment after the problem began to cause a great deal of disruption in his life.  He had never gone to therapy and near the beginning of our work together, he disclosed that, when he was a boy, he was sexually abused by a neighbor boy who was near his age.  He had never shared this with anyone in his life and as soon as he acknowledged the abuse, the floodgates opened.  He started to have flashbacks and other PTSD symptoms.  Tom is a take charge kind of guy and we nearly immediately started to look for resources for him to do trauma work outside of our individual sessions.

First, we looked for men’s specific groups.  There was nothing and we are directly outside of a major east coast city.  Then we looked for trauma groups.  Tom talked to a few places that had groups for trauma survivors and was told that, as a man, he would make the women in the group uncomfortable so they could not have him join the group.  He then had an intake with a county resource for group trauma work.  After his intake, they told him that his case was too complicated and he could not join the group.  After months of looking, we literally could not find a group for sexual trauma survivors that was either all men or that would allow men into the group.

Tom continues his trauma work in individual therapy but craves the connection and understanding that one gets in group work.  He wants to know he is not alone and the therapeutic community was unable to tell him that, as a man, he is not alone.

Tom is just one example of many that I could pull from my case load.  To me, he is the loudest example of how we, as a treatment community, fail male survivors of sexual assault.  I have had other clients walk out of public events for sexual abuse survivors because, as the only man in attendance, they felt unwelcome and uncomfortable.

Why do we treatment professionals who work so closely with trauma not offer more resources to men? Are we uncomfortable?  Is there a reason we focus more closely on female survivors of sexual abuse?  These are questions to which I have no answers.  I have only heartbreak.  I can only do my part to welcome male sexual abuse survivors into therapy when they come and to start group programming for them in my practice.

I challenge other treatment professionals to process this issue and see what we can do to create more resources for men and to be more welcoming.

For a good online resource for male survivors of sexual abuse, please see www.1in6.org

The post We Are Failing Male Sexual Abuse Survivors first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

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American news and social media feeds have been consumed lately with the comments of a presidential candidate regarding the sexual exploitation of women.

As someone who works with both sexual abuse survivors and sexual offenders, the responses of many people truly bother me. Therefore, I feel compelled to share on one of the basic teachings that all of my sexual offender clients both know and understand.

Why I spend so much time talking about consent

We can all seem to wrap our head around the idea of non-consent when it involves sexual behavior with a pre-pubescent minor. Outside of this instance, there appears to be some confusion.

Why do we talk about this in sex offender treatment? Because it is imperative that the person who committed a crime come to an understanding of how they hurt their victim as well as how they allowed themselves to engage in the behavior. Though I mostly work with non-contact offenders, everyone I work with has engaged in a non-consensual sexual act.

Someone who exposes themself forces a victim to view something sexual that they did not consent to view.

Someone who takes a video of a person that was unaware they were being filmed has done so without that victim’s consent.

Even child pornography offenders who did not produce images and have not had a contact offense are engaging in a non-consensual act. The children in the pornography did not consent to being abused, to being videoed or to being viewed by others.

Because the human brain is brilliant at justification and rationalization, we need to talk a lot about consent.

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Licensed Professional Counselors: Dr. Weeks’ course Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, Moral Incongruence looks at what can be mistaken for sex addiction and offers treatment considerations for distinguishing those problems.

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

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What is the difference between compliance, coercion and consent?

Coercion

Some might not feel this needs to be said, but: the most obvious form of coercion is actual violence and force. This is what most people think of when they think of non-consensual sex, coercion can also come in a more subtle or non-obvious form.

If one party uses drugs or alcohol to influence a sexual outcome, this is coercion. A person cannot truly give consent if they are impaired.

Another form of coercion is unreasonable pressure from one party to engage in a sexual act. This can be both personal or social pressure.

If one party has to pressure or really talk the other party into a sexual act, this is not truly consent, but coercion. If one party has to get the other party drunk in order to get them to engage in a sexual act, this is not consent but coercion.

Compliance

Compliance is often seen in the context of relationships as well as other encounters.

A person may comply to a sexual encounter if they feel that there is a negative consequence for saying no. One partner may comply to a sexual request from their partner out of fear that the partner may break up with them, not because they want to do it.

A subordinate in a work environment may comply to a sexual encounter with a boss out of fear for their job if they say no.

Some people will say that compliance is consensual, such as engaging in a sexual act with your partner that you are not really into because they are. To me this is different, as in this situation, there is no fear of consequences for not engaging in the act.

I have seen this in my work with sex addicts where, for example, a partner goes to a sex club with their significant other, not because they want to engage in the behavior but because they fear that their partner will leave them if they don’t.

Consent

Consent is rather a clear cut concept in reality. It means saying “yes, I agree to engage in this act with you.”

People who consent do so clearly and knowingly without fear of repercussion or being hurt.

Consent can be revoked at any time by any party in an interaction.

Because the human brain is brilliant at justification and rationalization, we need to talk a lot about consent.

Struggling with excessive sexual thoughts, urges, or activities that are causing you distress? Take the free, online Sexual Symptom Assessment Scale (SSAS) and get a link to share with your therapist.

Discussions about consent, compliance and coercion in the Media

The concept of consent is discussed frequently in the media and taught to children and adults alike. The concepts of coercion and compliance are not as frequently talked about. Hopefully, the media’s presentation of comments made by the presidential candidate can help us initiate conversations about compliance, coercion and consent.

Using one’s celebrity or status as a business person as a means to engage sexually with another person (who does not desire the contact) can and should be considered coercion or compliance. This thinking implies that the person who is receiving the unwanted sexual contact won’t say no or say anything at all out of fear of repercussions based on the power and status of the person who is engaging in the unwanted sexual conduct.

It deeply disturbs me that the sex offenders I work with have a MUCH better understanding of the difference between compliance, coercion and consent than does the general public.

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Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Compliance, Coercion and Consent: Everyone Needs to Know This first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Last week there were two high profile cases in the area newspapers involving sexual abuse.  One was about a male psychiatrist who is accused of sexually assaulting several female clients, some of which were underage.  The second was about a female high school teacher who was accused of having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a student. I made the mistake of looking at the comments sections of the online versions of these stories.  Though I really should have known better than to do so, these comments brought to light a shocking difference in how these events were perceived.  Granted, this is the perception of those persons willing to put a comment on a newspaper web-page.  Nonetheless, they do represent a sample of our society.

What was glaringly evident, based on these comments, was the difference in how the sexual abuse was perceived based on the gender of the perpetrator and the victim.  Both of the alleged perpetrators were in a position of trust, one a teacher and one a psychiatrist.  Both of the alleged perpetrators had sexual contact with a minor.  What was very different was how the commentators viewed the issues.  In the case of the male psychiatrist accused of assaulting female victims, the comments were a relative consensus of negative feedback, some cruder than others.  The overall impression was that this was a horrible abuse of trust of his position as a doctor and that he was a sick or depraved man.

In the case of the female teacher accused of having sexual contact with her male, underage student, the comments were of a very different vein.  Many of the comments involved people commenting on how this was the quintessential adolescent male fantasy.  Many of the commentors stated that they would have had sex with her if they were in the teenager’s shoes.  What was missing was the plethora of comments about how horrible this event was or that it was, clearly, sexual assault.

This disparity in societal feedback was made even more pronounced in my brain as that same day I received an announcement for the Creative Changes Conference promoting its 6^th Annual “It Happens to Boys” conference in February of this year.  (www.creativechangeconferences.com). This minimization of the impact of sexual abuse on boys is damaging in so many ways.  As a clinician, I work with many men who were sexually abused as boys.  This abuse is, in fact, very impactful for them and a source of deep shame and trauma.  The fact that it is often perpetrated by men can add to the shame of the event and decrease a boy’s likelihood of coming forward to report the abuse.

The organization Male Survivor (www.malesurvivor.org) discusses many of the myths of male sexual abuse.  When I think about the event recently in the news here, Male Survivor’s Myth #7 comes to mind (http://malesurvivor.org/myths.html), “If the perpetrator is female, the boy or adolescent should consider himself fortunate to have been introduced to heterosexual activity.”  The comments in the news article overwhelmingly supported this myth.  Not confronting this myth does a disservice to those boys that are sexually abused.  Any sexual abuse of any kind is dangerous and damaging.

In no way do I want this post to infer that I am minimizing the impact of sexual assault on female victims.  This post is simply the result of my experience both in reading the comments of these news articles and my work with many men who were sexually abused as boys.  I challenge all of us to confront our own judgments and myths about sexual assault. It is imperative that we all realize that sexual assault is damaging and traumatic to the victims, no matter what the gender of either the perpetrator or the victim.

The post Sexual Abuse – Societal Double Standard first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.