Beyond Addiction

When we talk about porn use, the conversation often gets stuck in simple, black-and-white narratives of morality or addiction. We tend to focus on how much someone is watching, rather than asking a more fundamental question: why? While these discussions are common, they often miss a deeper, more nuanced psychological story that’s playing out behind our screens. 

What if our relationship with pornography isn’t just a habit, but a reflection of our most basic patterns of connecting with other people? This is the central idea behind attachment theory. It suggests that our earliest bonds with caregivers shape how we approach intimacy, trust, and emotional closeness throughout our lives. These deep-seated patterns are known as our “attachment style.” 

A recent systematic review of 10 scientific studies has begun to connect these dots. It’s uncovered surprising links between our attachment styles and our pornography habits.

This article explores the four most impactful takeaways from that research.

It reveals how our fundamental needs for connection, and our fears of rejection, can shape what happens when we’re alone with a screen.

1. For some men, porn use is linked to better relationship satisfaction

Attachment styles are patterns in how we connect with others, stemming from our early life experiences. “Anxious attachment” style, for example, creates a deep desire for intimacy but lives with a persistent fear of rejection or abandonment. 

Counterintuitively, one major study reviewed by the researchers (Maas et al., 2018) found that for men with this anxious attachment style, porn use was actually associated with higher relationship satisfaction.

This finding becomes even more striking when contrasted with the results for women in the same study.

For anxiously attached women, porn use was associated with lower relationship satisfaction.

This sharp gender difference underscores a crucial point: the effects of pornography are not one-size-fits-all.

They are deeply intertwined with our individual psychology, our gender, and our attachment style. This suggests that for anxious men, pornography might act as a low-stakes supplement that doesn’t trigger their core fear of abandonment. Whereas, for anxious women, it may directly activate it.

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2. Problematic porn use can be a way to cope with a fear of real intimacy

The review highlights a powerful theme: for those with insecure attachment styles, pornography offers a sense of connection without the perceived risks of real-world emotional intimacy.

This is particularly true for individuals with an avoidant attachment style. They often fear being engulfed by a relationship and losing their independence. Research shows that for this group, addictive cybersex use can become a direct substitute for the emotional closeness they find threatening. 

While both anxious and avoidant individuals may turn to pornography, their motivations often differ.

Someone with an avoidant style might use it to replace an intimacy they fear. However, someone with an anxious style might use it to soothe anxiety about a connection they crave.

In both cases, porn use can become a substitute for genuine connection when real relationships feel too overwhelming. 

The review synthesizes this concept perfectly: 

When people with insecure attachments use pornography to satisfy their relational needs of comfort, they engage in little or less emotional closeness and commitment, which allays their worries of abandonment and separation. 

This reframes problematic use not merely as an addiction, but as a potentially maladaptive strategy for managing deep-seated relational fears of either being left alone or being consumed by another.

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3. For anxiously attached women, porn use is linked to body insecurity; specifically when they’re in a relationship

Another study in the review (Gerwitz-Meydan et al., 2021) uncovered a highly specific link for women with an anxious attachment style.

For these women, an association between their attachment style and porn use was found only if they were currently in a relationship. For single women with the same attachment style, there was no significant association. 

The research identified a crucial factor driving this connection: body image self-consciousness. The study found that pornography use acted as a mediator between anxious attachment and body image issues.

In simple terms, this means that for anxiously attached women in a relationship, viewing pornography may trigger or intensify insecurities about their own bodies.

This, in turn, can activate their underlying attachment-related fears of being inadequate for their partner. Porn use directly threatens their sense of security and stoking their core fear of abandonment.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

4. There’s a psychological link between ADHD, both anxious and avoidant attachment, and compulsive porn use.

The review also sheds light on the intersection of attachment, neurodiversity, and pornography.

One study (Niazof et al., 2019) found that problematic pornography use in men with ADHD was linked to both anxious and avoidant attachment styles, but in different ways.

Higher levels of anxious attachment were linked to excessive pornography use, while avoidant attachment was associated with higher levels of problematic use. 

The researchers point to a potential explanation for this link: the “incentive deficit” that is often a characteristic of ADHD.

This concept suggests that individuals with ADHD may be more drawn to highly stimulating, novel, and instantly gratifying behaviors. It helps ADHD porn users to compensate for a brain that may be under-stimulated by everyday rewards. 

When combined with insecure attachment, this creates a potent mix.

For the anxiously attached man with ADHD, pornography might serve as an easily accessible tool to soothe relational anxiety.

For the avoidantly attached man with ADHD, it may be a compelling substitute for the real-world intimacy he fears. It fulfills a need for stimulation without triggering his fear of closeness.

Conclusion: Beyond How Much to Why

The research clearly shows that our relationship with pornography is more complex than self-control or moral standing.

It can be a powerful and often unconscious reflection of our deepest relational patterns. It reveals our unmet needs for connection, and our most profound fears of intimacy and rejection. 

This perspective invites us to shift the conversation.

Instead of focusing solely on the behavior itself, perhaps the more important question to ask is: What deeper needs and fears is this behavior trying to meet?

Share how this post spoke to you, or about someone you love. Do you believe you use pornography to compensate for your attachment style? Why or why not?

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

The post 4 Ways Porn Use is Shaped by Relationship Fears first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

The Hidden Dialogue Between Our Minds and Our Habits

The scale of online pornography consumption is immense. In 2023, two of the largest pornography websites, Xvideos and XNXX, had more total visits than TikTok, one of the world’s most popular social media platforms. But beyond the sheer numbers, what is the internal experience of this habit? What is the relationship between porn use and how we think about our lives, our feelings, and ourselves? 

New research reveals a surprisingly complex, two-way relationship between what scientists call problematic pornography use (PPU) and “rumination,” or the act of overthinking.

This groundbreaking study shows not only that the behavior can influence our thought patterns, but also that our specific style of thinking can, in turn, either escalate the problem or potentially help us escape it.

Crucially, this connection works very differently for men and women.

First, a Quick Primer: What Are “Problematic Use” and “Rumination”? 

Before diving into the findings, let’s clarify the two key concepts. We’re not judging habits, but trying to understanding specific psychological patterns. 

What is Problematic Pornography Use (PPU)?

PPU is not defined by how often someone watches pornography. Instead, it is characterized by a loss of control.

The official definition describes it as “poorly controlled, excessive, and/or compulsive engagement in pornography use, accompanied by significant distress and impairments in life,” such as losing a job or damaging relationships.

What is Rumination?  

Simply put, rumination is the act of continuously focusing on one’s own negative thoughts and feelings.

However, not all rumination is the same.

Researchers have found that it comes in two distinct flavors: Brooding and Reflection.

Understanding this difference is essential to making sense of the study’s findings. 

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As professionals, our time is valuable. Dr. Weeks created the Mitigation Aide Research Archive because there isn’t enough focused, data-backed research available in easily digestible formats.

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Takeaway 1: Problematic Porn Use Fuels Overthinking But Differently for Men and Women 

The study, which followed 2,786 adults over one year, initially found that higher levels of PPU predicted more ruminative thinking (both brooding and reflection) a year later for everyone. This supports the “stress-reactive model,” suggesting the stress, guilt, or life problems from PPU can trigger more repetitive thinking. 

However, the researchers dug deeper and uncovered a crucial distinction.

For men, the link was robust: the problematic nature of their use, the loss of control and distress, was a strong predictor of increased rumination down the line, regardless of how frequently they viewed porn. 

For women, the story was different.

When researchers statistically controlled for the sheer frequency of pornography use, the link between PPU and later rumination weakened or disappeared entirely.

This suggests that for women, it may be the high frequency of viewing itself, rather than the “problematic” aspect, that is more closely tied to an increase in later overthinking. 

Takeaway 2: For Women, Brooding Can Create a Vicious Cycle 

When researchers looked at how thinking patterns affected behavior over time, a key gender difference emerged. For women, a specific type of rumination, brooding, was linked to an increase in problematic use down the line. The study found that higher levels of brooding at the start were associated with higher levels of PPU one year later.

Brooding is generally regarded as a more maladaptive form of rumination, which is defined as:

Adopting a passive and introspective demeanor that evaluates current circumstances against an unrealized, idealized standard, accompanied by a sense of regret and dissatisfaction. 

This passive, self-critical style is captured in the very questions researchers used to measure it. Such as:

• “Why do I always react this way?”
• “Why can’t I handle things better?“

According to the cognitive-behavioral model, this style of thinking can exacerbate negative emotions like anxiety and stress. Women may then engage in the problematic behavior to cope with these painful feelings. Thus, creating a dangerous feedback loop where the thinking pattern fuels the habit that causes the distress.

Takeaway 3: For Men, Reflective Thinking May Act as a Protective Shield

The most counter-intuitive finding came from the data on men. For them, a different type of rumination—reflection—appeared to be a protective factor. 

The study revealed that higher levels of reflective thinking at the start were associated with lower levels of PPU a year later. Reflection is seen as a more adaptive and constructive form of thinking. Its scientific definition is: 

Reflection, a purposeful and active cognitive process, involves accepting and understanding distress and feelings to engage in effective coping mechanisms. 

Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

Why would this type of overthinking be helpful in relation to Porn Use?

The researchers hypothesize that because men report higher rates of PPU and its negative consequences, they may become more motivated to fix the problem. This motivation could trigger a more problem-solving style of thought.

As the researchers suggest, “men may be motivated to disrupt this pattern and regain control over their problematic behavior… Such a response could potentially be associated with engaging in a more problem-solving-focused type of rumination (i.e., reflective rumination), resulting in reduced PPU.” 

Conclusion: It’s Not That You Think, But How You Think

The relationship between porn use and our thought patterns is not simple. This research shows that it is a complex, bidirectional cycle that differs significantly by gender. For both men and women, pornography use can be linked to more negative, repetitive thinking. 

But the reverse is where the crucial distinction lies.

For women, a passive, self-critical “brooding” can trap them in a cycle, making the problem worse.

For men, an active, problem-solving “reflection” may be a key to breaking free.

The ultimate takeaway is that when it comes to the link between our thoughts and our habits, it may not be that you think, but how you think that truly matters. 

This leaves us with a powerful, forward-looking question: If the way we reflect on our behaviors can either trap us in a cycle or help us break free, what does that mean for our ability to consciously change our habits?

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses? Then you should stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

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One of the go to suggestions for pornography addiction treatment is an abstinence period. A period of time free from all sexual behavior or to stop watching pornography.

The average duration is 30 days free of any type of sexual behavior, including:

• Pornography
• Masturbation
• Sexual intercourse

This is to allegedly “reset” the brain and dopamine pathways from a biological perspective.

It can also be a great way for couples to reconnect. It allows them to work on emotional intimacy and non-sexual physical intimacy.

Finally: A Study on Those Who Stop Watching Pornography

Despite this being a rather commonly “’prescribed” treatment plan, there is actually very little research on whether this is a scientifically sound practice.

Additionally, one of the markers of addiction is the experience of withdrawal. Many who argue against sexual addiction being a real phenomenon will say that there is no such thing as withdrawal from pornography use despite anecdotal evidence from those who abstain.

Some previous studies have noted that people who attempt abstinence from pornography experience withdrawal symptoms such as erotic dreams, irritability, attention disturbances, depression, mood swings and brain fog.

While these could be attributed to withdrawal from pornography, the authors of the study we are currently discussing state that these negative emotional effects could be the result of simply abstinence from sexual behavior and not necessarily withdrawal.

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Do you believe your sexual behaviors are compulsive or harmful to you or others? Then you should take the CSBD-19 free, validated self-assessment tool.

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The Study: Background

This study, published this year in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, was a randomized controlled study that looked at the effects of abstaining from pornography for a period of 7 days.

The authors hypothesized that there would be differences between the abstaining group and the control group on the following measures: craving, positive affect, negative affect, and withdrawal symptoms. They also hypothesized that there would be an interaction between the group (control or abstaining) and Problematic Pornography Use.

Subjects

Psychology Undergraduate students at a university in Malaysia.

The authors do note that Malaysia is a conservative country when it comes to sex and pornography that does have laws that restrict pornography use.

The participants had to meet several criteria:

1. They had to be at least 18 year old.
2. They had to be regular pornography users.

176 students made the cut with 86 in the abstinence group and 90 in the control group.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

The Task

The control group was asked to continue engaging in their sexual behavior as normal.

The abstinence group was asked to stop watching pornography. But they weren’t required to abstain from masturbation or partnered sexual activity.

The Measures

All subjects were asked to note, on a daily basis, the following things:

1. Frequency and/or duration of any sexual behavior, measured daily
2. Pornography use, daily frequency
3. Duration of daily pornography use
4. Masturbation without pornography, daily frequency
5. Alternative sexual activity, daily frequency
6. Efforts at abstaining from pornography, daily
7. Pornography craving, measured daily
8. Daily positive and negative affects
9. Withdrawal symptoms, experienced daily

Creating a Baseline to Stop Watching Pornography

Prior to the start of the study, the authors assessed the following baseline measures:

1. Previous 4-week frequency of pornography use
2. Past 4-week average duration of pornography use per session
3. 4-week frequency of masturbation without pornography prior to the study
4. Prior 4-week percentage of pornography use that was accompanied by masturbation
5. Previous 7-day frequency of pornography use
6. Past 7-day duration of pornography use
7. Baseline abstinence effort
8. Craving for pornography
9. Baseline positive and negative affect
10. Problematic Pornography Use
11. Intrinsic desire to quit or reduce pornography use
12. Moral disapproval of pornography

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

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The Results of the Study to Stop Watching Pornography

There were no significant differences between the abstinence and control group on measures of craving, positive affect, or withdrawal symptoms. There was also no significant interaction between the group and Problematic Pornography Use.

Problematic Pornography Use and Gender

There were significant differences in the results based on gender.

Male subjects had significantly higher problematic pornography use and 4-week frequency of pornography use than female subjects.

The study also looked at the data based on Problematic Pornography Use (PPU) Scores.

When the PPU scores were low, there were no differences between the groups but when the PPU scores were high, there were significant differences on the experience of craving.

Study Conclusions

The hypotheses of the study were not confirmed. There were no significant main effects of the group on all measures.

This is in contrast to previous studies that used self-report measures where subjects reported experiencing withdrawal symptoms. The authors do note that their study used nonclinical samples and the previous studies had subjects who identified with PPU.

The study found no evidence of negative abstinence effects among pornography users who viewed pornography at least three times per week. The authors then suggest that for the average pornography user there is no withdrawal when engaging in a 7-day abstinence period.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

Limitations

The fact that the study used a non-clinical sample means that the results might not be generalizable to people with Compulsive Sexual Behavior who try to achieve abstinence.

This study also contained more female subjects that other studies that have looked at this phenomenon.

From a clinical perspective, as someone who treats Problematic Sexual Behavior, these types of studies are helpful.

In this field there are some therapeutic interventions that seem like gospel despite not having a large amount of scientific evidence to back them up as a best practice.

It is exciting to see abstinence and withdrawal being studied so we can determine, in the future, if a 90-day abstinence period is actually an evidence based best practice.

Reference: Fernandez, D.P., Kuss, D.J., Justice, L.V., Fernandez, E.F. & Griffiths, M.D. (2023). Archives of Sexual Behavior. Doi.org/10.1007/s10508-022-02519-w

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post What Happens When You Stop Watching Pornography for a Week? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Who uses OnlyFans? Sex workers, like many others, were negatively impacted when the pandemic shutdowns occurred. Because OnlyFans allowed them to create a socially distant income stream, the site exploded in popularity.

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The subscription based site marketed for all types of content quickly became a hotbed for sexual and explicit content and bespoke pornography.

At present, the site has more than 100 million users and has paid over $3 billion to the content creators. OnlyFans had a 75% increase in new users between March and April of 2020. In other words, the pandemic shutdown directly corresponds to the rise of OnlyFans.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

Who uses OnlyFans: A Hundred Million Users

Researchers saw OnlyFans as a new avenue to research human sexuality. And, specifically, to study the sexual attitudes of people who use OnlyFans vs those who do not.

Dr. Stacey Litman and colleagues did just that and recently published a study with their findings.

The study included 718 adults who completed an online survey. The average age of participants was 29 years old and about equal numbers of male and female. Some were college students and some were individuals who found the survey on the MTurk site.

Participants were predominantly white.

In addition to their demographics, the participants also completed the Brief Sexual Attitudes Scale. The scale looks at attitudes about sex related to permissiveness, birth control, communion (communication and connection) and instrumentality (the purpose or function of sex).

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

What did the study find?

OnlyFans users were mostly married (89.5%), white (68.9%) men (63.1%) who identified as either heterosexual (59%) or bisexual/pansexual (37.8%).

The researchers then compared the Brief Sexual Attitudes Survey results between OnlyFans users and non-users.

No significant differences between the two groups was found. Meaning, OnlyFans users shared sexual attitudes with non-users.

This is one of the first known studies about OnlyFans users, therefore the results are preliminary.

However, based on this sample, OnlyFans use versus non-use cannot be explained by sexual attitudes. In other words, people who use OnlyFans are not more permissive in their ideas about sex than people who don’t use the site.

Because of the traffic that the site receives, we know that something is driving people to go there. That motivating factor is yet to be determined.

Reference: Litam, S. D. A., Speciale, M. & Balkin, R.S. (2022). Sexual Attitudes and Characteristics of OnlyFans Users. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51, 3093-3103

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses? Then you should stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

The post Who Uses OnlyFans Anyway? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Content blockers can impact the digital lives that kids lead.

They live on their phones: Discord, Snapchat, Instagram, YouTube, BeReal, and TikTok; incidentally the latter has surpassed YouTube for total viewing hours per month. 

And, as parents, you know the promise of good content on the internet, but there’s a lot of content out there that is not meant for children.

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The Accidental Problem

It is not uncommon for children to be exposed to online pornography as young as 8 years old. This early exposure is often accidental. 

If you put a content blocker on your child’s device, it is best to talk to them about it and why you are doing it.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Since most parents don’t talk to their kids about online pornography, kids don’t usually feel comfortable coming to mom or dad with what they saw online. 

Newer research suggests that this early online pornography exposure is correlated with future problematic sexual behavior.

What Content Blockers do parents use?

Many choose to enable parental controls on phones or in apps directly to try to limit the type of content their children can either accidentally or intentionally access. 

Many apps now have internal parental controls as do most phones and tablets. In addition, there are entire marketplaces full of services and apps that you can purchase to block content on your device. These apps range from locking things down nearly completely to simply alerting someone that a certain type of content has been accessed. 

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If you’re unfamiliar with sextortion, check out Dr. Jen’s article How to Protect Your Child from Sextortion.

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Beyond Technology

If you plan to put a content blocker on your child’s device, it is best to talk to them about it and why you are doing it. These conversations and limitations need to be had and reassessed as your child ages; some of the guards can be lowered in an age-appropriate manner. 

These conversations are more important than any technology, because you have no control over what your child is watching on their friend’s tablet or phone. Maybe they can’t access pornography on their phone but their friends might be able to, and kids frequently share what they see.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

The post Content Blockers on my Children’s Devices? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Therapists who work with problematic sexual behavior often say, me included, that we are worried about kids being exposed to pornography at an early age or are learning about sex from porn. 

Anecdotally, we know that young children have access to pornography of any theme, including violent pornography, child pornography, etc., and it scares us. We don’t want kids learning that this is what live sex with a real partner looks like. What we don’t actually have is the science to either back up or refute out fears. 

What does the research say about kids learning about sex from porn?

Rothman et al, in a research article published in 2021 in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, sought to address this lack of research by surveying American adolescents (600 14–17-year-olds) and young adults (666 18-24 year old) to find out where they found helpful sexual education material and what made some of them find pornography to be the most helpful. 

The survey respondents were asked the following questions, where did they find sources of helpful information to learn about sex? Did they receive helpful information about sexual health from their parents? What sexual experiences have they had? What is their relationship status as well as general demographic characteristics? 

The study found that when parents had not talked to their adolescent about sex in at least a year, the child was more likely to perceive pornography as a helpful source of information about sex.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

So, do we really have cause to worry? The study found that among the adolescents, the two most frequent sources of helpful information about sex came from parents (31%) and peers (21.6%). Very few of the adolescents (8.4%) stated that they found helpful information from pornography.  

The data from the young adults was quite different. Among the 18- to 24-year-old respondents, they thought the most helpful information about sex was from pornography (24.5%) with sexual peers as a source of helpful information coming in as a close second (24.1%).

My Analysis

As a treatment provider and someone who has written about the effects of cybersex on teens, what disturbs me the most is the finding that 43% of the adolescents and 45% of the young adults in the survey reported that they did not receive any helpful information about sex from any source in the year prior. This means that many of the individuals are likely sexually active and not accessing or being provided important healthy sexuality education.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

For those of us who are worried that adolescents are looking to pornography for sexual education, we can perhaps take the fear down a notch. The authors concluded, based at least on their study respondents, that adolescents do not consider pornography as the most helpful resource for information about sex. 

The Key Takeaway

Here is the tidbit from the study I like the most. The study found that when parents had not talked to their adolescent about sex in at least a year, the child was more likely to perceive pornography as a helpful source of information about sex. This means that parents need to be having continual conversations with their adolescents about sex and sexual health. A one and done conversation is NOT optimal and may influence a child to look to pornography for information.

Reference: Rothman, E.F., Beckmeyer, J.J., Herbenick, D., Fu, T-C., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J.D. (2021). The prevalence of using pornography for information about how to have sex:  Findings from a nationally representative survey of U.S. adolescents and young adults.  Archives of Sexual Behavior, doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01877-7

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Are Kids Learning About Sex from Porn? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Does Pornography Influence Divorce?

As someone who works with individuals who struggle with problematic pornography use, I see firsthand how this can cause disruption in relationships. Therapists have much anecdotal evidence but does pornography influence divorce? There is not a lot of scientific research that backs up the exact influence of use of pornography use on relationships. 

The Study

There are some studies, mostly looking at marital satisfaction, associated with pornography use or religiosity and pornography use. This study, published by Perry and Schleifer in 2017 specifically looked at the relationship between pornography use and divorce. Their data comes from a national survey called the General Social Survey (GSS) that is a face-to-face survey of English and Spanish speaking American adults that follows people through “waves” every two years from 2006 to 2014. The survey collects data related to, among other things, marital status, marital happiness, pornography use, and religiosity. Since the survey asks the same people over time, the authors can see both changes in marital status and whether the participant has started or stopped viewing pornography. 

Based on previous research, the authors hypothesized that starting to look at pornography would be associated with an increase in the probability of divorce. They thought this association would be more prevalent for men than for women. They also thought that it would be more prevalent for younger people than for older Americans. The final hypothesis was that the association between pornography use, and divorce would be stronger for religious people than for those who do not actively practice a religion. 

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

The Results

The survey results indicated that if a person started to watch pornography between survey waves, they were nearly twice as likely to be divorced by the next wave of the survey. This increase in likelihood of divorce was not different for men versus women. 

As for age, the association with pornography use and divorce decreases with increases in age, with younger people being more likely to divorce than older individuals. Contrary to the prediction, being more religious did not increase the probability of divorce and the positive association between divorce and pornography use was only for those individuals who did not attend weekly church services. 

Ultimately, it was found that the strongest positive association between starting pornography use, and divorce was in younger Americans who were initially very happy in their marriages and who were not very religious.

The Realities of Pornography’s Influence on Divorce

While this study does show that there is an association between pornography use, divorce and these factors, it should be noted that this data is looking at associations. It is not causal. There is no way to actually know if the pornography use was instrumental in the decision of the couple to get a divorce. It is also possible that starting to look at pornography was influenced by unhappiness in the marriage.

Reference:  Perry, S.L. & Schleifer, C. (2017).  Til Porn Do Us Part?  A longitudinal examination of pornography use and divorce.  The Journal of Sex Research, doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2017.1317709

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Til Porn Do Us Part – Does Pornography Influence Divorce? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

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Anyone who has heard me lecture or has been a client of my practice knows how concerned I am about how our culture shames sex and sexuality.

The sex addicts I work with have such an enormous sense of shame about their addiction.

Their partners have their own sense of shame about being in a relationship with a sex addict.

Our culture shames sexuality… All. The. Time.

Media Portrayals

I have become more and more uncomfortable about how the media is handling the topic of pornography use among adolescents.

If you do a Google search about kids looking at pornography the predominant language is “caught.”

My hope is that when a parent discovers that his or her child has viewed online pornography, they do not view the incident as “caught,” but that they can understand that this is a normative behavior and talk to their child in that context.

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“’Caught’ your child looking at pornography?”

“What to do if you catch your child watching porn.”

Implied in the word “catch,” in this context, is the idea that someone is doing something wrong or deceptive. Some might say that I am being overly sensitive to the use of this word, but I don’t think that I am. Here’s why.

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Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

Creating Shame

When working with my sexually addicted clients, we always talk about what happened if anyone (mostly parents) ever found them looking at pornography or masturbating.

The language of “caught” always comes up:

• “Mom caught me masturbating.”
• “Dad caught me looking at pornography.”

The act of being “caught” produced shame and embarrassment in the majority of my clients. The next thing we always talk about is the reaction of the person who “caught” them.

Most of the time the “catcher” was reactive, said something negative or did not respond well. My clients frequently garnered one message from this interaction:

Sex is shameful and embarrassing.

It becomes internalized as: “There must be something wrong with me if I am engaging in this behavior.”

From that point on, shame has entered their sense of sexuality. If I am ashamed of something, I will keep it secret.

Shame and secrets are two of the hallmarks of sexual addiction.

In today’s digital world, if we “catch” a teen looking at pornography online, we are “catching” a normative behavior.

Viewing pornography for many adolescents is a part of their sexual exploration. Access and availability have made online pornography a venue for sexual exploration and sex education.

If we use shaming language with our children or shame them for engaging in something normative, we are fusing sex and shame together. This fusion has the potential to lead to trouble in the future.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Parents Can’t Just Look the Other Way

Just because online pornography viewing is a normative adolescent behavior does not mean that it is not without problems. It is not the best venue for sex education.

It is often in conflict with a family’s religious or moral beliefs. Frequent consumption can also alter beliefs about sex, objectification of women and ideas about consent.

My hope is that when a parent discovers that his or her child has viewed online pornography, they do not view the incident as “caught,” but that they can understand that this is a normative behavior and talk to their child in that context.

As a parent, you should discuss:

• How the behavior is, perhaps, in direct conflict with the family religious beliefs
• How pornography can distort ideas about healthy sexuality and connection
• Sex education in an open way

This can all be done in a manner that does not make the child feel wrong, sinful, dirty or perverted for having watched pornography.

The work of not shaming sexuality in teens is the work of the parents. This is prevention. Where there is no shame, there are no secrets.

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For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Caught your kid looking at porn? How we shame children first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.