Therapists who work with problematic sexual behavior often say, me included, that we are worried about kids being exposed to pornography at an early age or are learning about sex from porn. 

Anecdotally, we know that young children have access to pornography of any theme, including violent pornography, child pornography, etc., and it scares us. We don’t want kids learning that this is what live sex with a real partner looks like. What we don’t actually have is the science to either back up or refute out fears. 

What does the research say about kids learning about sex from porn?

Rothman et al, in a research article published in 2021 in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, sought to address this lack of research by surveying American adolescents (600 14–17-year-olds) and young adults (666 18-24 year old) to find out where they found helpful sexual education material and what made some of them find pornography to be the most helpful. 

The survey respondents were asked the following questions, where did they find sources of helpful information to learn about sex? Did they receive helpful information about sexual health from their parents? What sexual experiences have they had? What is their relationship status as well as general demographic characteristics? 

The study found that when parents had not talked to their adolescent about sex in at least a year, the child was more likely to perceive pornography as a helpful source of information about sex.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

So, do we really have cause to worry? The study found that among the adolescents, the two most frequent sources of helpful information about sex came from parents (31%) and peers (21.6%). Very few of the adolescents (8.4%) stated that they found helpful information from pornography.  

The data from the young adults was quite different. Among the 18- to 24-year-old respondents, they thought the most helpful information about sex was from pornography (24.5%) with sexual peers as a source of helpful information coming in as a close second (24.1%).

My Analysis

As a treatment provider and someone who has written about the effects of cybersex on teens, what disturbs me the most is the finding that 43% of the adolescents and 45% of the young adults in the survey reported that they did not receive any helpful information about sex from any source in the year prior. This means that many of the individuals are likely sexually active and not accessing or being provided important healthy sexuality education.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

For those of us who are worried that adolescents are looking to pornography for sexual education, we can perhaps take the fear down a notch. The authors concluded, based at least on their study respondents, that adolescents do not consider pornography as the most helpful resource for information about sex. 

The Key Takeaway

Here is the tidbit from the study I like the most. The study found that when parents had not talked to their adolescent about sex in at least a year, the child was more likely to perceive pornography as a helpful source of information about sex. This means that parents need to be having continual conversations with their adolescents about sex and sexual health. A one and done conversation is NOT optimal and may influence a child to look to pornography for information.

Reference: Rothman, E.F., Beckmeyer, J.J., Herbenick, D., Fu, T-C., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J.D. (2021). The prevalence of using pornography for information about how to have sex:  Findings from a nationally representative survey of U.S. adolescents and young adults.  Archives of Sexual Behavior, doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01877-7

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Are Kids Learning About Sex from Porn? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Researchers from the Franciscan University of Steubenville published the results of their study on pornography use and mental health in college students. Their aim was to explore connections between pornography use and mental health concerns. Specifically, loneliness, depression, and stress in students.

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The Results

Update: To learn more about ways to restrict access to pornography, see the series on Blocking Porn.

The study found that 56.6% of the students (male and female) had viewed pornography at some point. Male respondents reported significantly more use than female respondents. The study also found the emotional state of loneliness predicted depression, anxiety and stress. 

While not the main focus of the study, what I found most interesting were the data about the age of first exposure to pornography and how that occurred. The age of first exposure to pornography is often younger than most people imagine. This is especially the case for parents who often do not even talk to their children about sex and/or pornography until after the average age of first exposure.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

This study found that the majority of males (63.7%) were exposed to pornography between the ages of 9 and 13 years old.  Thirty nine percent of female respondents reported exposure in the same age category. For males, the primary method of first exposure was personal curiosity, meaning that the boys were curious about sex and pornography and looked it up themselves. For females, they were most often exposed to pornography through unintentional exposure. 

A Clinician’s Perspective on Pornography Use and Mental Health

The take aways from this study, for me, in clinical work and in talking to parents about sex and pornography, is that we really, really have to find a way to talk about these subjects when children are young.  If almost 64% of boys and 39% of girls are exposed to pornography between the ages of 9 to 13, discussions on the topic that happen after this age range will come as too little too late.

When Should Parents Talk to Their Children about Sex and Pornography?

Parents have to find the courage and resources to talk to their children about sex, sexuality and pornography in age appropriate ways from the time they are young. I know this makes most parents very uncomfortable. However, children who have some knowledge about sexuality and no shame are more likely to not turn to the internet to answer sexual questions or to come to a care giver when they have an unintentional exposure to the material.

I have written about it before, but the Educateempowerkids.org programs are amazing. They now offer books, webinars and a podcast to help you talk to your children about anything, including sex.

Reference: Camilleri, C., Perry, J.T. & Sammut, S (2021).  Compulsive internet pornography use and mental health:  A cross-sectional study in a sample of university students in the United States. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 1-24

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Pornography Use and Mental Health in US College Students first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Anyone who has heard me lecture or has been a client of my practice knows how concerned I am about how our culture shames sex and sexuality.

The sex addicts I work with have such an enormous sense of shame about their addiction.

Their partners have their own sense of shame about being in a relationship with a sex addict.

Our culture shames sexuality… All. The. Time.

Media Portrayals

I have become more and more uncomfortable about how the media is handling the topic of pornography use among adolescents.

If you do a Google search about kids looking at pornography the predominant language is “caught.”

My hope is that when a parent discovers that his or her child has viewed online pornography, they do not view the incident as “caught,” but that they can understand that this is a normative behavior and talk to their child in that context.

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“’Caught’ your child looking at pornography?”

“What to do if you catch your child watching porn.”

Implied in the word “catch,” in this context, is the idea that someone is doing something wrong or deceptive. Some might say that I am being overly sensitive to the use of this word, but I don’t think that I am. Here’s why.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

Creating Shame

When working with my sexually addicted clients, we always talk about what happened if anyone (mostly parents) ever found them looking at pornography or masturbating.

The language of “caught” always comes up:

• “Mom caught me masturbating.”
• “Dad caught me looking at pornography.”

The act of being “caught” produced shame and embarrassment in the majority of my clients. The next thing we always talk about is the reaction of the person who “caught” them.

Most of the time the “catcher” was reactive, said something negative or did not respond well. My clients frequently garnered one message from this interaction:

Sex is shameful and embarrassing.

It becomes internalized as: “There must be something wrong with me if I am engaging in this behavior.”

From that point on, shame has entered their sense of sexuality. If I am ashamed of something, I will keep it secret.

Shame and secrets are two of the hallmarks of sexual addiction.

In today’s digital world, if we “catch” a teen looking at pornography online, we are “catching” a normative behavior.

Viewing pornography for many adolescents is a part of their sexual exploration. Access and availability have made online pornography a venue for sexual exploration and sex education.

If we use shaming language with our children or shame them for engaging in something normative, we are fusing sex and shame together. This fusion has the potential to lead to trouble in the future.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Parents Can’t Just Look the Other Way

Just because online pornography viewing is a normative adolescent behavior does not mean that it is not without problems. It is not the best venue for sex education.

It is often in conflict with a family’s religious or moral beliefs. Frequent consumption can also alter beliefs about sex, objectification of women and ideas about consent.

My hope is that when a parent discovers that his or her child has viewed online pornography, they do not view the incident as “caught,” but that they can understand that this is a normative behavior and talk to their child in that context.

As a parent, you should discuss:

• How the behavior is, perhaps, in direct conflict with the family religious beliefs
• How pornography can distort ideas about healthy sexuality and connection
• Sex education in an open way

This can all be done in a manner that does not make the child feel wrong, sinful, dirty or perverted for having watched pornography.

The work of not shaming sexuality in teens is the work of the parents. This is prevention. Where there is no shame, there are no secrets.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Caught your kid looking at porn? How we shame children first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.