The concept of pornography induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) has spurred movements such as NoFap, where men pledge to stop viewing pornography and masturbating to it. A quick Google or Ted Talk search will result in a number of sites or talks discussing pornography induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).

Despite there being quite a bit of support for these ideas and movements in some quarters, there is still a lack of scientific evidence that supports PIED.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Learn more about curbing your urges in our series on Blocking Porn.

The Study

A study published last year in the JMIR Public Health and Surveillance Journal by Jacob et al, was a collaboration between researchers and medical doctors that sought to study the issue.

The authors, in consultation with urologists, created a 118-item questionnaire that included demographic information, medical history, pornography consumption, masturbation frequency as well as the Cyber Pornography Addiction Test, International Index of Erectile Function and the Alcohol Use Disorders Identification test (AUDIT) which are all validated tests. The study participants were all in Denmark and Belgium and over 3400 individuals (aged 18 to 35) survey responses were used in the study. 

For me, some of the best parts of this study are the descriptive analyses. When talking about sex addiction or problematic sexual behavior, there is this assumption that we know what “normal” pornography use or masturbation is and from there can quantify abnormal. However, we really don’t have a lot of recent statistics on how much pornography people are using and how often they masturbate.  

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Pornography, Masturbation, and Erectile Dysfunction

The study found that 84.9% of the men surveyed started to masturbate between the ages of 10 and 14 years old and more than 70% of these men masturbated multiple times a week. 98.98% of these men used pornography while they masturbated. The study found that the median age that the men started to masturbate to pornography was 13-14 years old. Most of these men (over 90%) skipped to the “best parts” of the pornography during masturbation and over 80% of them stated that an average pornography/masturbation session lasted between 5 and 30 minutes. For the men in this study, it is safe to say that masturbating to pornography would be considered normal. 

Erectile Dysfunction

The study found that over 21% of the men who were sexually active experienced some degree of erectile dysfunction. There was a statistically significant relationship between erectile dysfunction and how high the person scored on the cyber pornography addiction test, meaning individuals who had higher CYPAT scores also had higher levels of ED.

From a clinical perspective, there were several interesting findings. First, 61% of individuals who were sexually active and had some ED issues reported that they never had ED issues when they were masturbating to pornography. Second, 58% of individuals who started to masturbate to pornography before they were 10 years old had more ED issues.  

Summary of Results

1. How often someone viewed pornography did not have an impact on ED
2. How often someone masturbated did not affect ED
3. There was a significant relationship between ED and Pornography Addiction (as tested with the CYPAT)
4. Individuals who started to masturbate to pornography at a very young age, at or before 10 years old, had higher rates of ED.  
5. Other factors related to ED are experiencing performance pressure, relationship issues and identified sexual orientation. 

Struggling with excessive sexual thoughts, urges, or activities that are causing you distress? Take the free, online Sexual Symptom Assessment Scale (SSAS) and get a link to share with your therapist.

For me, there are two big takeaways from this study.

The first is that viewing and masturbating to pornography is a normal behavior for men in this age category. 

The second is that starting to view and masturbate to pornography at a young age has more detrimental effects than doing so at an older age.

This study provides more support for the need to talk to children about pornography and limit their access to pornography until they are older, and it is more developmentally appropriate. 

Since this post dealt more with validating the scientific concepts behind PIED I want to leave you with an informational resource if you’re struggling: Your Brain on Porn.  

Reference:  Jacobs T, Geysemans B, Van Hal G, Glazemakers I, Fog-Poulsen K, Vermandel A, De Wachter S, De Win G Associations Between Online Pornography Consumption and Sexual Dysfunction in Young Men: Multivariate Analysis Based on an International Web-Based Survey JMIR Public Health Surveillance Journal 2021;7(10):e32542 doi: 10.2196/32542

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

The post Pornography Use and Erectile Dysfunction first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Therapists who work with problematic sexual behavior often say, me included, that we are worried about kids being exposed to pornography at an early age or are learning about sex from porn. 

Anecdotally, we know that young children have access to pornography of any theme, including violent pornography, child pornography, etc., and it scares us. We don’t want kids learning that this is what live sex with a real partner looks like. What we don’t actually have is the science to either back up or refute out fears. 

What does the research say about kids learning about sex from porn?

Rothman et al, in a research article published in 2021 in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, sought to address this lack of research by surveying American adolescents (600 14–17-year-olds) and young adults (666 18-24 year old) to find out where they found helpful sexual education material and what made some of them find pornography to be the most helpful. 

The survey respondents were asked the following questions, where did they find sources of helpful information to learn about sex? Did they receive helpful information about sexual health from their parents? What sexual experiences have they had? What is their relationship status as well as general demographic characteristics? 

The study found that when parents had not talked to their adolescent about sex in at least a year, the child was more likely to perceive pornography as a helpful source of information about sex.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

So, do we really have cause to worry? The study found that among the adolescents, the two most frequent sources of helpful information about sex came from parents (31%) and peers (21.6%). Very few of the adolescents (8.4%) stated that they found helpful information from pornography.  

The data from the young adults was quite different. Among the 18- to 24-year-old respondents, they thought the most helpful information about sex was from pornography (24.5%) with sexual peers as a source of helpful information coming in as a close second (24.1%).

My Analysis

As a treatment provider and someone who has written about the effects of cybersex on teens, what disturbs me the most is the finding that 43% of the adolescents and 45% of the young adults in the survey reported that they did not receive any helpful information about sex from any source in the year prior. This means that many of the individuals are likely sexually active and not accessing or being provided important healthy sexuality education.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

For those of us who are worried that adolescents are looking to pornography for sexual education, we can perhaps take the fear down a notch. The authors concluded, based at least on their study respondents, that adolescents do not consider pornography as the most helpful resource for information about sex. 

The Key Takeaway

Here is the tidbit from the study I like the most. The study found that when parents had not talked to their adolescent about sex in at least a year, the child was more likely to perceive pornography as a helpful source of information about sex. This means that parents need to be having continual conversations with their adolescents about sex and sexual health. A one and done conversation is NOT optimal and may influence a child to look to pornography for information.

Reference: Rothman, E.F., Beckmeyer, J.J., Herbenick, D., Fu, T-C., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J.D. (2021). The prevalence of using pornography for information about how to have sex:  Findings from a nationally representative survey of U.S. adolescents and young adults.  Archives of Sexual Behavior, doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01877-7

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Are Kids Learning About Sex from Porn? first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

There are many articles in the news and troves of internet articles relating to the pornography epidemic. But there are relatively few scientific studies to back up those assertions. And fewer still about pornography and BDSM.

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The Study

In an article published in 2020 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, Herhenick and colleagues shared their findings from the 2016 National Survey of Pornography Use, Relationships and Sexual Socialization (NSPRSS). 

This survey, taken by 2533 individuals, looked at sexual behaviors such as:

• Dominant or submissive (target) sexual behavior
• Age of 1^st pornography use
• Prevalence of pornography use
• The types of pornography content that was viewed

The subjects were nearly equally men and women varying in age from 18 to 60. The subjects were predominantly white, straight and married.  

For instance, if children are accessing pornography in their early teens, it would be helpful if their sexual education involved some discussion of pornography.

Are you a Licensed Professional Counselor in need of continuing education? Learn more about Sex Addiction, Erotic Conflict, and Moral Incongruence from Dr. Weeks and Sexual Addiction Treatment Services, an NBCC ACEP™ approved provider!

Sexual Addiction Treatment Services has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 7250. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. Sexual Addiction Treatment Services is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs.

Age of First Exposure to Pornography and BDSM

94% of the men in this study reported some use of pornography with an average age of first exposure to pornography of 13.8 years old. 87% of women in the survey reported pornography use with an average age of first exposure of 17.8 years old.  

There were some differences based on gender as related to dominant and target behaviors. Women were more likely to report they experienced target behaviors, such as being called a slut, having a partner choke or spank them, than men. Women also reported being three times more likely to experience sexual pressure than men. 

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Pornography Preference by Gender

The survey also assessed gender differences in the types of pornography being viewed.

Men were significantly more likely than women to view pornography that included:

• Facials
• Gang bangs
• Double penetration
• Face fucking
• BDSM
• Simulated rape/pressure to engage in unwanted sexual acts

Interestingly, the more pornography a person had viewed both in the year prior to the survey and in their lifetime was significantly associated with engaging in dominant and target behaviors in all survey participants.

Another Interesting Finding Relates to Consent

Both women (27%) and men who have sex with men (31%) reported they have had a male sexual partner attempt to have anal sex with them without prior discussion or permission. 

This study, post the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey, shows that pornography use and some sexual behaviors considered to be in the realm of BDSM by some are relatively common in a population representative of white, heterosexual Americans.  

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Check out the latest research on fetishes and criminality:

• Criminal Histories and Recidivism Rates for Juveniles Convicted of Child Pornography Possession

Read more articles about BDSM.

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Discussing “Real Sex” Versus Pornography and BDSM

This study has implications both for education and the concept of deviance. For instance, if children are accessing pornography in their early teens, it is important to discuss pornography during their sexual education. Particularly if a young person views the acts in pornography to be what non-porn sex actually looks like. 

In the past, many sexual behaviors have been considered deviant that do not fit into the mainstream, heteronormative idea of acceptable sexual practices. Therefore, obtaining prevalence data about these behaviors can help to decrease the stigma around them. 

It is difficult to call something, like spanking, deviant, because 45 to 76% of this study’s participants have done it.

Reference: Herbenick, D., Fu, T-C., Wright, P., Paul, B., Grados, R., Bauer, J. & Jones, R. (2020).  Diverse sexual behaviors and pornography use:  Findings from a nationally representative survey of Americans aged 18 to 60 years.  Doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm2020.01.013

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

The post Pornography and BDSM: What Americans are Really Doing first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

Researchers from the Franciscan University of Steubenville published the results of their study on pornography use and mental health in college students. Their aim was to explore connections between pornography use and mental health concerns. Specifically, loneliness, depression, and stress in students.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

The Results

Update: To learn more about ways to restrict access to pornography, see the series on Blocking Porn.

The study found that 56.6% of the students (male and female) had viewed pornography at some point. Male respondents reported significantly more use than female respondents. The study also found the emotional state of loneliness predicted depression, anxiety and stress. 

While not the main focus of the study, what I found most interesting were the data about the age of first exposure to pornography and how that occurred. The age of first exposure to pornography is often younger than most people imagine. This is especially the case for parents who often do not even talk to their children about sex and/or pornography until after the average age of first exposure.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Take the free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

This study found that the majority of males (63.7%) were exposed to pornography between the ages of 9 and 13 years old.  Thirty nine percent of female respondents reported exposure in the same age category. For males, the primary method of first exposure was personal curiosity, meaning that the boys were curious about sex and pornography and looked it up themselves. For females, they were most often exposed to pornography through unintentional exposure. 

A Clinician’s Perspective on Pornography Use and Mental Health

The take aways from this study, for me, in clinical work and in talking to parents about sex and pornography, is that we really, really have to find a way to talk about these subjects when children are young.  If almost 64% of boys and 39% of girls are exposed to pornography between the ages of 9 to 13, discussions on the topic that happen after this age range will come as too little too late.

When Should Parents Talk to Their Children about Sex and Pornography?

Parents have to find the courage and resources to talk to their children about sex, sexuality and pornography in age appropriate ways from the time they are young. I know this makes most parents very uncomfortable. However, children who have some knowledge about sexuality and no shame are more likely to not turn to the internet to answer sexual questions or to come to a care giver when they have an unintentional exposure to the material.

I have written about it before, but the Educateempowerkids.org programs are amazing. They now offer books, webinars and a podcast to help you talk to your children about anything, including sex.

Reference: Camilleri, C., Perry, J.T. & Sammut, S (2021).  Compulsive internet pornography use and mental health:  A cross-sectional study in a sample of university students in the United States. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 1-24

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Consult with a professional.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Pornography Use and Mental Health in US College Students first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Sometimes I think I should rename this blog: “The parenting chronicles of my amazing friend in North Carolina.”

I wrote about her experiences before when she shared with me that her eldest daughter was witness to a friend sexting on the school bus at the beginning of the school year.

This week, she shared something she overheard while her youngest child, 7, was playing with a neighbor.

My friend, let’s call her Pam to give her some privacy, was outside overseeing her children play with the neighbor children.

She overtly acknowledges that she loves these neighbor children. They are very good kids. Their parents are great parents who are active in their lives, in the community and in the church.

Young children, like this 8-year-old in the story, should not have unfettered access to the internet.

Pam’s kids love these kids too.

As a reminder, Pam is a proactive parent. She talks to her children about all things, including sexuality, sexting, etc. She has filters on her family’s technology as she has children of multiple ages and does not want them accessing inappropriate material in the home.

But she also knows that she has little control over what goes on in the homes of their friends or on the technology of her children’s friends.

The Story

She relayed the following story:

“Yesterday my youngest, who is merely 7 years old, was playing with some neighborhood kids in my side yard… One of them had a cell phone with her that has a plan and data so she can watch whatever she wants wherever she wants whenever she wants. I heard my child complaining about how she doesn’t have a phone and about how annoyed she is that our internet is completely locked down and they don’t get to surf the web…as she put it. The little girl who had the phone chimed in and said she gets to watch whatever she wants. That she found videos of people who kiss each other in their private places. I almost fell over”

Being in possession of emotion regulation skills, Pam did not freak out but made a mental note.

She now is going to head over to the neighbor’s house and let them know what she overheard. She is nervous about the conversation because she really likes all parties involved and she doesn’t want any hard feelings between anyone in the relationships.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

What Should You Do in this Situation?

What lessons do we learn here? Access to the internet should be age appropriate.

Young children, like this 8-year-old in the story, should not have unfettered access to the internet. It is simply not age appropriate.

Additionally, she should not have unfettered access to the internet without any parental discussion of what she might find. As the girl gets older, in conjunction with good discussions between parents and child, those restrictions can be lessened.

This story brings home what those of us in the field already know.

Young children are accidentally exposed to pornography. It happens. And it happens a lot.

When I teach, we use the statistic that the average age of first exposure to online pornography is 10. I also always use the proviso that this is old data so the age is likely younger, in this case 8.

This child did not intentionally look for pornography. She saw a video of something that she did not understand. She also did not talk to her parents about it. However, she knew that it was to be kept secret.

The Takeaway

• PLEASE don’t be in denial.
• Start talking to your children about this topic early in an age appropriate fashion.
• Do not let their sex education begin with the accidental viewing of pornography.
• Do not give young children unfiltered access to the internet. They are not developmentally ready yet!
• Most of all, BE AWARE and TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Things 8 year olds say: I’ve seen videos of people kissing each other in their private parts first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Sexting in 8th Grade – Part I

Last week I shared the story of my long time friend’s experience with her child early in the school year: Her 5^th grader watching her 8^th grade friend sexting on the bus. 

As you might imagine, the story does not end there. 

After the initial conversation with her daughter, which went amazingly well because she talks to her children about the hard stuff, she is left with the question of “now what?”

The “now what” question is not about what to do with her own child, she will keep up the open communication with her. 

The question is what to do with the information she now possesses: that this young girl is sending pictures of herself to boys in the school.

The Options for “Now What”

As we continued our conversation, we worked through the options. 

My friend’s first option is to do nothing and not tell anyone about the behavior. This option did not sit well with my friend. She felt that if this was her child who was sexting on the bus, she would want to know so she can address the behavior.

The next option was to tell an administrator at the school that a child was sexting on the bus. This option also did not sit too well with my friend. 

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

In telling someone at the school, the girl would possibly end up getting in a lot of trouble. It also opened up the opportunity for a large scale “sexting scandal” like those we read about in the papers. My friend is not one to try to make chaos and drama, so a large scale investigation and possible scandal were out.

Option number three was to talk to the parents of the girl. 

This sounds like a straight forward option, but in talking about this option, we realized it is not as straight forward as it seems. First, would the parents of the girl be able to hear the news of their child’s behavior without being defensive, in denial or reactionary? Though my friend knows the parents from the community, she does not know them well enough to gauge what type of reaction they will have to the news.

What outcome do we hope for?

The other concern in telling the parents, is that they will, inevitably, (we hope) address the sexting behavior with their child. It will be quite obvious to the girl where the news came from. 

My friend feared for the ramifications this might have on her daughter. Would she be labeled a “snitch?” Would she be ostracized by this friend or by other kids at the school? Would there be a social consequence for her daughter for telling her parents what was happening on the bus? 

Though, as adults, we might not think these are big concerns, they are huge concerns to a child in school, where the social environment is hugely important. 

Add to this the fact that my friend’s daughter did not want her to tell the other girl’s parents out of her fear for any of the aforementioned possible consequences.

In the end, my friend decided that she is both a parent and a responsible person. She would want someone to tell her if her child was sexting. 

She also has a real fear for what may happen to the young girl who is sexting and does not want her to experience any long term consequences from her behavior. She continues to talk to her own child about the entire experience. Luckily, her daughter is a pretty amazing kid (like her mom) and has already decided to distance herself from the friend because the friend’s behavior makes her uncomfortable.

I share these stories for several reasons. 

First, real life accounts are often more powerful than book learning. 

Second, I want you all to know that even if you talk to your kids proactively about cybersex, it doesn’t end there. There will be tricky landscapes to navigate throughout their school career.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Sexting in 8th Grade – Part II first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

I have a dear friend who I have known since grade school. She is the mother of three children, the oldest being in 8^th grade.

Given my profession and her being an all-around fabulous mother, we tend to have conversations about sexuality, pornography, sexting and children.

I recently re-posted my blog on Child Pornography Prevention on social media. This was inspired by a local priest being arrested for possession of child pornography. From this, my friend and I had a great conversation I thought I would share (with her permission).

My prevention work focuses more on parents than it does on children. I want parents to start talking to their kids about sex and pornography. Parents tend to not do this. There are many reasons, mostly the fact that it is awkward and embarrassing.

“I used to think I was a good enough parent to protect her. I decided to educate her on how to protect herself as well. The education is never ending.”

Talking to Kids about Porn

“Talking to my oldest daughter about these things is… hard… for both of us. She’s 11. She uses the internet.”

My friend also employs all the tools she can to ensure her children are not unwittingly exposed to pornography online. She and her husband use parental controls but we all know sometimes this is not enough.

“We have parental controls. They don’t always work as they should. She goes to kids houses where there are computers, these kids have smart phones etc, not locked down AT ALL… because they have ‘good kids’ who wouldn’t bother to look at ‘that stuff.'”

As my friend points out, as a parent, you do what you can in your own home to avoid unwanted exposure to this content, but you don’t know what the parents of your child’s friends are doing.

Much of the exposure to pornography is via peers.

Just because your house is safe, doesn’t mean that someone else’s house is.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

Building Trust

So my friend and her husband have taken the leap and had the uncomfortable conversations with their daughter about sex, cybersex, pornography, sexting and sexualization of others.

“We decided we had to go there. The conversation continues because we have opened a door and she now knows we are capable of having these conversations. Is it fun? No. Do I look forward to them? Sure… like I do a root canal… but they are imperative, as are these conversations.”

So what happens when you talk to your child often about sexuality?

It becomes more comfortable.

They learn that they can safely bring their concerns to you because the topic isn’t taboo and you won’t react badly.

They trust you with this information.

The end result of this trust was on display for my friend and her daughter just a few weeks into the school year. My friend’s daughter is in 8^th grade.

Results of Trust

“She has already talked to me THIS school year about her 8th grade friend on the bus sexting.”

Her daughter came to her this year with this concern because they had already talked about these issues. It was a topic that, though still uncomfortable for both of them, was an approachable topic. Her daughter has the knowledge to arm herself in the digital age and to make better choices for herself as she interacts online with her peers.

Education about sexuality and cybersex is imperative in today’s world. In my friend’s words:

“I used to think I was a good enough parent to protect her. I decided to educate her on how to protect herself as well. The education is never ending.”

Avoid Denial

My dear friend ended our conversation with this quote which is dear to my heart.

“Denial is a powerful bitch.”

I couldn’t agree with her more.

Many parents don’t think that their child would sext.

They don’t think that their child would look at pornography.

I implore you to not be in denial.

Sexting on the bus in 8^th grade is a reality. If your child is sexting or looking at online pornography, it is not a reflection of your parenting skills. It is a reflection of the age we live in.

Talk to your children, please.

Sexting in 8th Grade – Part II

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

The post Sexting in 8th Grade first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Update: To learn more about ways to restrict access to pornography, see the series on Blocking Porn.

As my therapy practice continues to be comprised of more and more child pornography offenders, I continue to seek ways to prevent others from becoming exposed to or involved with child pornography.

From Unexpected Places

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of meeting a young man who introduced me to yet another way in which people can be exposed to child pornography.

The normal routes for exposure are through peer to peer file sharing programs or TOR sites.

The man I met yesterday was exposed to child pornography through the chat app, ChatRoulette.

I would call unintended exposure to child pornography a trauma.

For those of you who are not familiar with ChatRoulette, it is an app and website that allows you to communicate with another user via your webcam or camera on your phone, tablet, etc. As the Roulette name implies, you have no idea who you are going to be paired up with as there are users of all ages from all over the world. You can interact with the person you are connected to for as long or as short a period of time as you want.

We have long known that ChatRoulette is a venue for people to expose themselves online or to interact sexually. Since its inception, there is a pretty good chance that when you go on the app, you will run into someone masturbating on the webcam or engaging in some other sexual act.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Beyond Cybersex

In more recent history, ChatRoulette is now being used for other sexual purposes.

There are some users who are showing child pornography on their screens.

How does this happen?

When you connect with a random user, instead of seeing another person, they have their side of the interaction configured so that the entire screen is used to play child pornography videos. As you can’t choose a user, this is truly a random experience and one that most people are not prepared for.

The Fallout

These are horrific images and you can’t erase them from your memory.

I have had to view these images for court cases and they linger, unwillingly, in your brain for days.

This is my reaction when I know what type of images I am going to see. I can only imagine the reaction of a person who has no desire to see these images and unsuspectingly views them on a screen.

An even bigger concern is that a young person who is using this app may be exposed to this imagery as well. Even if the images are traumatic for an adult to watch, we can make more sense of them than a child can. Unexpected exposure to child pornography could be even more damaging to a child.

As ChatRoulette engages in random connections, you cannot seek out those who are displaying child pornography. You also can’t avoid them as you don’t know what user is going to show up on your screen next. As with any of these types of apps, they can be fun or they can be dangerous. It is all in the hands of the user. Technically, the app is listed as Mature 17+. However, that doesn’t stop minors from using the app.

What can you do?

As a parent, be aware of what apps your child is using.

I would advise that minors not be allowed to use this app due to the potentially graphic sexual exposure from some users.

If you do allow your child to use this app, please be sure that you know what they could be seeing. Be prepared to talk to your child about possible exposure before it happens and after it happens.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

The post Child Pornography Exposure on Chat Roulette first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

Update: 3 Reasons You Might Want to Block Pornography

How Many Clicks Until Your Child Finds Hardcore Pornography?

If this is your first visit, let me start by saying I work with pornography addicts.

A few weeks ago a client shared with me an experience he had with his child. This client has been in recovery for years. He is VERY knowledgeable about online pornography, it’s dangers and how easy it is to access pornography online.

The Incident

My client related that his wife had found pornography on his son’s phone. His son is in the 12 year old range.

My client and his wife are savvy folks.

They handled this situation and conversation with their son with grace, knowledge, compassion and most of all, lack of judgment.

The point of this story is not that he found pornography on his 12 year old son’s phone. It’s not that he and his wife handled it beautifully (but that’s great!). The point is that my client, a pornography addict in recovery, was shocked by WHAT he found on his son’s phone.

Rape Pornography.

How did I get here?

This young man went down the rabbit hole.

That is what many of my clients call the process:

• You start with an innocuous image – maybe something risque but not pornographic.
• You begin searching the web for something related that titillated you.
• Click Click Boom. The clicking process starts the trance for which the internet is so famous.

This can happen if you are clicking links on Zappos, Wikipedia or pornography.

The internet sucks you in and you end up on some site, three hours later, with no idea how you ended up looking at the page you are looking at. For a great discussion of this, check out Phillip Zimbardo’s Ted Talk on The Demise of Guys.

Do you believe you have an online pornography addiction? Then take this free Cyber Pornography Addiction Test (CYPAT) and have the results to speak with your therapist.

Back to the Story

My client’s son clicked on a non-pornographic link on a webpage he was viewing.

He told his father that in a series of very FEW clicks, he ended up watching pornography that simulated (we hope) rape scenes.

It was that easy.

Three or four clicks into adolescent curiosity online and an impressionable young mind is watching violent pornography. It piqued his curiosity and on a subsequent visit to the internet, he typed rape pornography in the search box.

What the Research Says

It’s not uncommon for adolescents to view pornography.

It is now seen, in some circles, as part of the process of adolescent sexual awakening and awareness.

However, what research also tells us is that adolescents who are frequent users of pornography have views that support the objectification of women and have distorted views on the act of sex itself.

Violent pornography sends messages to minds that are not yet ready to fully understand them, about the role of consent and violence in sex.

These messages are not good.

The Takeaways

My client was not shocked that his son was viewing pornography. He was shocked at the type of pornography he was watching.

He was upset at himself about his own denial. He never thought this would happen.

This is the point of my story today: Parents are often in denial, even parents who are more in tune to the technological world.

If your child is older than ten, chances are he or she has seen pornography. If they are 12 or older, chances are they have seen quite a bit of pornography. Parents need to talk to their kids about internet pornography.

This conversation has to happen not just once, but often. Parents need to know what types of pornography their children might view and be able to talk about that too.

Has your child seen violent pornography? Have they seen pornography with animals, same sex participants, or even child pornography? Parents need to prepare to talk about all of these things if they want to truly help their child navigate this online world in the healthiest way possible.

This post contains affiliate links. The author or blog owner may earn a commission if you make a purchase using these links.

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Do you feel your sexual behavior, or that of someone you love, is out of control? Then you should consult with a professional.

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable, data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

The post Down the Rabbit Hole first appeared on Dr. Jen's Recovery Readings.